Dating red flags

Spot these red flags early in a dating relationship to avoid disappointment later! There are always red flags (and yellow ones too) signaling us of future potential troubles and issues, but for whatever reason, some of us choose to ignore those flags hoping they either mean nothing or will eventually disappear. No, they will not!

Successful dating is smart dating. You do not let just anyone visit your home or attend your private birthday party, do you? You are also vigilant whom you lend your money to or who your children are socializing with (in case you have ones). For all of the above to happen you have to have trust in those people and believe there will be no harm done to you or your loved ones.

Now, what does dating have to do with all this?

Dating is about letting someone enter into one of your the most precious and fragile places, and this place is called Your Heart. So, in order for someone to have a place in your heart that someone needs to earn your trust, the kind of trust you have in the described instances above.

If you ignore red flags, you are at risk of ending up with everything that could possibly happen to a house without an owner - robbery, vandalism, abuse and irreparable damages. I say - take ownership of your own heart and none of this will happen!

Ownership of your heart - is not letting in just ANYONE. That anyone needs to earn your trust, and the only way for this to happen is through observation of their behavior, spotting red flags and elimination. First impressions do matter, but here is something else for you to keep in mind: during the early stages of dating people tend to put on the best behavior possible, in other words, what you happen to observe now (during this stage of dating) is what their best is. This is a very important point to remember, and as soon as we start talking about red flags you will see how this fact can be helpful in identifying potential future issues.

MORE READING ON RED FLAGS - BOOK: (UK - click here) The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags: Relationship Warning Signs You Totally Spotted... But Chose to Ignore

Below is the list of the most common red flags and honestly speaking, they are not that difficult to spot. Red flags in dating relationships are quite a common issue, but the biggest and more important issue here is what YOU DO and what choices you make AFTER identifying them. So, here they are:

~ Constantly scheduling, re-scheduling, and canceling dates

When he keeps constantly moving you around on his calendar it means that dating you is not high on his priority list. When something is important to us we instinctively assign higher value and priority to it. We unconsciously put more effort and mental energy into things, people, and events that have higher meaning and significance to us. The UNimportant things (people or events) get either re-scheduled or canceled.

His canceling and rescheduling on you could mean many different things - busy at work, dating others, family issues etc., but the only one and one underlying reason of him doing this will always remain the same - dating you is UNimportant to him.

Do not date a man who sees you as 'unimportant'; unimportant means 'not into you'. And do you know what a huge pile of BS you will have to go through when dating a man who is not into you? In case you have not seen this - here it is! 'He is just not that into you' book. A real eye opener! He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

~ During dates he acts distracted, unfocused or cuts them short

If he was into you, he would be drilling you through with his eyes! Whether he is 20 or 50, he is still a man with a passion for men's toys - luxurious cars, fancy looking watches, various models of laptops and cellphones, high definition TVs, the latest models of some ridiculous headphones... and beautiful women.

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Now, imagine him looking at these toys and watch his eyes. See something? If he sees something interesting he is surely capable of focusing! Here is the catch - naïve and in denial woman will give him a justifying ADD label (attention deficit disorder) and will continue dating him. I say, do not ignore the red flag and stop creating excuses. His inattention means the same as in the above example - he is not that into you. If he were, you would NOT have to worry about creating excuses of his lame behavior and by the way, your creating justification is already a red flag in itself.

If during a date he is not focused on you it means he does not see you as a prize. Would you rather date someone who sees you as a luxurious prize or some random item on sale in a discount store?

~ He is just not a nice man

Remember what I said earlier about behavior of people on first dates? This is the time when they act their best. If a man you started dating utters a rude word (if only once!) or acts obnoxiously, he deserves to be kicked to the curb.

If using foul language or acting out is the best version of himself he can manage to pull off at this early stage of dating, then can you imagine what he would be like after dropping the act??

Think of those bad angry words coming out of his mouth as of sneaky woof's whiskers sticking out through the sheep's clothes he is wearing right now. Dating or being in a relationship with someone who is not nice makes you a subject for verbal and sometimes physical abuse.

You are a fragile, emotional, and vulnerable woman who has to tolerate bad bosses to make a living, gossipy neighbors to live in a nice neighborhood or toxic relatives to keep your family 'together' AND dating a rude and obnoxious man on the top of this may just push you over the edge!

You have enough problems and troubles to deal with, you do not need more! After all, you are dating to be happy, right? Dating a not nice man WILL NOT make you happy, so this one will have to go too. Bye-bye!!

~ He brings up sleeping together too soon

Many men know that bringing up sleeping together too early is a major repellent for women. Nevertheless, if he acts like he is already ready to take your 10 day 'relationship' to the next level and keeps insisting on 'moving things along' I would drop him like a hot rock.

Here is what happening: he is looking to get laid and since having a meaningful relationship is not on his agenda he will not be terribly sorry if you get offended, say 'no' and leave. He IS NOT LOOKING to have a relationship with you. If he were, he would be way more cautious about bringing the whole subject up worrying that you would get offended and never see him again. He would act more careful, and would be willing to wait until YOU are ready.

If the guy you are dating is pressuring you to take things to the 'next level' he IS NOT afraid to offend or to lose you. And since he is not afraid to ruin what you are currently having together it means he 1) does not care 2) he is not that into you. HE is only after one thing, and if he cannot get it from you he will keep looking until he gets what he wants. You are looking for a relationship and he is looking for something else. You have different goals, and therefore you are a mismatch.

By the way, with this type of a man you won't even need to bother with the hassle of breaking up. Your 'no' to his offer will make him disappear for good.

~ There is an ex in the picture or he is not over his ex

OK, ladies, this one is the worst. He is USING YOU. How would you know? If on a date with YOU he keeps talking about HER! A man who has moved on and forgotten his ex would care less to talk about his past. He is looking forward to a brighter, happier future with a lovely woman! A man who has moved on will talk about the present and future, and a man who has NOT moved on will keep looking into and keep talking about the past.

This is a really bad sign. I say, he is not ready for a relationship with you or anyone else, he needs to go through the grieving stage and fully process his loss. He is not dating to form a relationship with you (or anyone else), he is dating to either punish his ex, to forget her, to dull the pain he is in right now or just for the sake of distraction. Plus, dating him brings a risk of a heart-break. (See my article: Will he get back together with his ex?)

~ He disappears for long periods of time

Think of a man who is dating a woman he is very interested in, but due to some business issues he has to go out of town for one week. What would you expect him to do or say to the woman? I think, we would all agree that he would not want to lose a woman by disappearing on her for an entire week, and he would really make sure to tell her that he would be gone for one week and after that they would meet again. He would also add that he would miss her and could not wait to see her again.

If a disappearing on you man said or did something like this, you would surely have a reason to believe that you mean something to him and would not mind to wait. This is, ladies, how men behave when they are interested in a woman and do not want to lose her by being away from her for an entire week.

And what do UNinterested men do in such situations? They do not bother to let a woman know where they are, and for how long they will be gone; they just disappear (quite often unexpectedly) and reappear like nothing happened.

When a man does this to you, it is a clear sign he is not interested in having you in his life, he is not afraid to look like a jerk and not afraid to lose you. His behavior reveals a casual attitude towards your relationship or in other words - he is not serious.

Who wants to date a man who is not serious?? I have not met such a woman yet, but I've met plenty who managed to come up with multiple excuses for such men. No excuses, please! He is not serious, and the minute you find out just make a great disappearing act of your own (and not excuses!)

Leaving a man after 5 dates is much much easier than doing so after 5 months. Spotting red flags in the beginning is a great way to eliminate wrong men very quickly and pain free. The end result is to end up dating and forming a relationship with a gentleman who is right for you.