Sticking to your boundaries and repeating “No” multiple times
There are people out there who won’t ‘hear’ your “No”. Not just that, they will keep pushing, pushing, and pushing, until you give up.
There are guys out there who don’t and won’t respect your boundaries, your wishes, and your feelings. For some of us they could be difficult and confusing to deal with, because again, some of us may perceive such persistence as a ‘sign’ of strong attraction.
At first, you just say a polite ‘No’ and hope they will get a hint and bug off.
The respectful ones will do just that, and the disrespectful ones?
The ones who are bullies will keep pushing. At this point it would be very dangerous to assume that it is some sort of crooked mating dance, they like you ‘a lot’ AND act on it. Where there is no respect – there is no ‘like’, it is just agenda.
How do they respond to your second and third ‘No’?
There is no way to feel comfortable in a situation where we are literally forced to repeat several ‘No’-s. On top of this, quite often, this discomfort gets aggravated by their angry reactions:
~ What’s up with you? Are you a Prima Donna requiring some special accommodations and treatment?
~ Who do you think you are?
~ Just relax, no need to be so uptight.
~ Such a frosty tone! Are you always like this??
~ Omg, you are so crazy!
~ Oh I see, the kitty has claws. Just drop the act, come on!
~ What is wrong with you?? PMS-ing, huh?
~ Have you just eaten a bad clam?
You get the drift here, right? This destructive bull in a china store has NO respect for you. He is a pushy bull looking to get his way no matter what. And that sense of entitlement? It is massive!
Pushy bulls are like people’s laxative – ticking off anyone they cross the path with.
It feels uncomfortable to deal with such people. Self-doubt may creep in and in the moment of weakness we may give in.
And then, we all know what it feels like to break a boundary, don’t we? Especially, especially if there was a lot of hard work done to keep it intact.
Breaking a boundary will feel like the ultimate self-betrayal.
If you are stuck with someone who ‘tempts’ you to violate your boundaries please know – they are not on your side. They are a selfish, self-centered individual with selfish agendas. You are just a tool for them to get there. Not a human being, not an individual, but a TOOL. Got it?
When there is too much pressure going on to give in to just relieve the tension between you two, I say – get the hell out. Head to the nearest exit and get your calm. It is there, waiting for you.
Picture this. Has this ever happened to you (or something similar)?
After two weeks of silence you get a two-word text at 8.30 pm on Sunday night:
And you are like “Who is this exactly?”
And they are like “Oh, how quickly you forget! Free tonight?”
At this point, you know who they are and are probably confused. Everything happened so quickly.
“So, you cannot go out tonight? Even for one hour? What?? Busy? How can one be so busy on Sunday night? 30 minutes? Wanna see me for 30 minutes? No? Why not? Why are you like this??”
And then, one hour later, after you shot them down: “Hey, I am not going to be the one showing interest here. I offered to meet and you refused!”
What in the world was this dude thinking!!? He has probably gotten spoiled by needy women with low self-esteem and no life rushing to meet at the last minute but hey, where are all those women now? How come it did not work out with any of them? Just a thought, you know…
Every time when you stick to your boundaries and say “No” be prepared to be accused of many different things, including cruelty. I once was called a ‘cruel bitch’ for not going along with their stupid agenda. Oh boo-hoo! Someone didn’t get their favorite cookie. What about ME? They never asked that question.
Saying “No” can be very uncomfortable and scary, especially in the beginning. It is especially hard when the “No” has to be repeated multiple times in a row. Do not let the fear, discomfort, insecurity, and their anger rule your choices.
Saying “No” is very empowering! Saying “No” transforms people around you. In essence, you train them how to behave with you. Some get it right at the first “No”, and others need ‘multiple sessions’ (ha-ha) to get it right.
By sticking to your boundaries no matter what you train other people how to TREAT YOU.
P.S. If you feel like you need to talk to someone because your situation is too unique and most of the stuff you read on the internet is too generic and not helpful, then I would personally like to recommend you this affordable online counseling service. You will not be disappointed.
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