Discomfort of dating
Dating means meeting and forming relationships with new people. Dating also means dealing with the unknown. And where there is unknown there is always a certain degree of discomfort.
The reason why dating is so uncomfortable is because you are pushing yourself out of your comfort zone.
Unfortunately, in life, in order to achieve something (anything!) pushing yourself out of your comfort zone is A MUST. When it comes to dating, staying within your comfort zone will lead to no change in your personal life. Nevertheless, once you overcome this discomfort guess what happens next? Whatever new that has entered your life will eventually become your new comfort zone, it will become a part of your life.
To make matters more interesting, I would like to make a statement that you have been pushing yourself out of your comfort zone more frequently than you think!
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Getting out of your comfort zone does not mean you are about to face discomfort. Many times it leads to a sense of pleasure, too. For example: replacing your old car with a new one, relocation/moving to a better place, getting a new better paying job, promotion at work, updating your wardrobe, new haircut, and getting married, to name a few.
The point of all this is that in the end, no matter what type of change took place in your life, you become desensitized to the change and it becomes a part of your life. It is just easier to do something new that yields immediate positive feelings (see examples above) than something new that generates a sense of discomfort (meeting new people).
Dating will eventually lead to meeting someone special. If you think you are super unlucky, super picky and fussy, there is still a greater than 0% chance of you meeting someone. But if you give up on meeting people entirely, it will become a definite 0%. If you are looking to meet someone special - you WILL HAVE to get out of your comfort zone. In other words, for the sake of finding a LONG TERM COMFORT you may have to go through TEMPORARY DISCOMFORT. And it is so worth it, isn't it?! As the saying goes: No Pain - No Gain.
Now, with all this being said, you could be having issues, however, affecting your dating experience way beyond the ordinary sense of discomfort I am talking about here. The issues listed below will have an incredibly strong negative effect on your dating experience. Comfort zone or no comfort zone, these are the kind of issues you will need to recognize and fix before deciding to date.
~ Are you an insecure person worrying about being rejected every time you go on a date? Do you perceive yourself as being inferior to others, and being rejected only reinforces and intensifies this painful believe?
If this is your case, I would like to remind you of one simple truth you need to remember: dating is like a job search, for every 99% of rejection letters there will always be the one (1%) that offers you a job. Dating is not about relationships, it is about rejections as well. And guess what? You have the right to reject someone too! You are not just being selected, you are being selective as well.
I say, go out on a date and do not passively wait until that boring man decides to reject you. Make up your mind and reject him instead! Recommended article: Dating is not a contract!
~ Are you a picky woman with high standards believing that only 1% of men deserve to be with you? Are you tired of constantly meeting the wrong men not measuring up to your exclusive expectations? Let’s be straight here - you think that most of the men you are meeting are losers, and because of this, you may feel totally grossed out, annoyed, and fed up by the whole experience and feel like it’s a waste of time.
Well, it is OK to have high standards, provided you can measure up to them too. What is it that you think you have (or possess) that would make that 1% of men interested in you?
You see, that top 1% of men have options. There is an incredibly high amount of competition for these kinds of men and you, yes YOU, have to stand out from the crowd to make him believe that you are an even match.
In order to estimate your chances of success with such men all you need to do is to assess your competition. Are you competitive enough among those top ladies looking for that top 1% of men as well? Do you have something to offer that they cannot? Are you aware that that top 1% of men have high standards as well? These are just some examples of questions to ask yourself when on a hunt for that 1% of high profile men.
While looking to find someone special among that 1% you should not be doing what 99% of the rest of the women are doing. If you think you belong to that 1%, then you need to become what that 1% represents: expensive country clubs, golfing, various elite gatherings and entertainments, friends and special connections, a high level of education, above average looks (for ladies), manners, and a high level of sophistication.
As you submerge yourself into this type of environment you will become exposed to candidates who are available for marriage (who are looking for an even match as well), and with a certain degree of luck and persistence, you may indeed end up with one of them.
In case you decide to search online, you may want to be absolutely explicit about the type of upper scale woman you are, and the type of a man you are seeking. Those high profile men will not just want to marry a woman because she is ‘young and beautiful’ (exception: where there is a large age gap), they are looking at the whole package as well.
~ Are you a widow or recently broken up and still grieving the loss of your relationship? Are you trying to date to forget your ex and your painful past? If your answer is yes to any of the above questions, then dating at this time will be extremely uncomfortable for you. You see, since you are still grieving, it means that your ex is still in your system and therefore kissing, hugging, holding hands with your new date may trigger painful memories of your past. Because of this, you may start comparing your every new date to your ex… wishing they were your ex.
What if your new date happens to use the same cologne, loves the same food, or has the same hobby your ex had. What are you going to do? Ask him to stop? Regardless, with such painful reminders, you cannot ask your new date to change his tastes, likes and dislikes to spare your feelings; you also do not want to dump him simply because of those reminders either.
This is an insane situation to be in! In order to date someone new and be emotionally stable, getting over your past relationship is a must. Recommended article: Getting closure and moving on.
~ Because of all the past painful experiences, do you feel hopeless and discouraged about finding your Mr. Right? Are you tired of getting hopeful only to end up being cheated on, lied to, or being strung along for years? Have you been attending your girlfriends’ weddings with a pinch of jealousy and sadness?
If you have been constantly kissing frogs (or no one at all) then this is a sign that you’re lacking certain skills pertaining to dating and to behavioral patterns of men overall.
Some women, as they grow, learn these skills from other women who have been successful in relationships, by spending a lot of time with their brothers, and by hanging out with their males-friends. These women are a great source to consult with about men, and tend to have no issues having multiple boyfriends and getting married.
But there is another category of women that is CONSTANTLY struggling with the dating scene. These women require real help, and if you think you are that woman, then you are in the right place. By reading the articles (they are all free!) you can end this unhappy pattern TODAY.
Recommended reading but please feel free to explore more:
Why online dating is such a disaster
Online dating – how to find a boyfriend
Dating red flags
Do not date JERKS!
How to be lucky in love
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