Are you dating someone who doesn’t want a relationship with you?
If you are not vigilant enough or are perhaps too enthusiastic (or needy) about ‘possible potential’, you may end up dating or being in a relationship with someone who does not want a relationship with you, who could not care less about you and your needs, and who is after their personal egoistical agenda ONLY.
What it means is that once you are with them it may feel like you are ‘involved’ or ‘in a relationship’, but in reality it won’t seem like you are; plus ‘what’s in it for me’ will become a permanent enigma.
They will bring no value and no positive change to your life, but instead, they will play with your mind, emotions, and feelings while being fully aware that they cannot and will not give you the relationship you want.
Below are the signs you are dating ‘the type’. Recognize the type and do your best to disappear. Staying with them will cost you time, health, and perhaps even money, while all they are after are the benefits (of being with you).
Yes, when we were little girls, we were warned by our mother of hungry sex predators, but we were never warned of emotional vampires who commit ‘emotional rape’. Besides, do not even think for a second that your situation is ‘unique’ or that you did something ‘unique’ to produce such a relationship or you did not work hard enough for things to progress. No, no, and no. It is ‘the type’ and it is real. All you have to do is to recognize it and leave.
~ They do not tell the whole truth from the start. So, you base your impression of them and your opinion of the relationship on what you know… until yet another skeleton pops out of the closet. And, usually when it happens, it is either a big ugly surprise or a major deal breaker. They KNEW it was a ‘big one’ and so they kept it at bay. Once it is out it is usually too late because you are already attached. Examples: ‘ I am married’ or ‘I am still intimate with my ex’ or ‘I was married 3 times and I have 5 children by 3 women’ or ‘my current girlfriend is pregnant’.
Be super-vigilant with those who won’t talk of themselves freely or make constant attempts to deviate from a certain subject. Are they hiding something? Do they feel uncomfortable talking about it? Do they roll eyes or become angry every time you want to know more?
~ They make it all look like they are in it for a long haul. Here is what they say to make it look ‘real’: ‘a friend of mine has a beach house in Florida on the Gulf of Mexico side. Do you think you could join me on your next vacation?’ or ‘I have been looking for a property for a while, would you be interested to look together? I just do not want to buy something you don’t like’ or even worse ‘my closest friend is getting married in March (and it’s only October) and I was wondering if you could join me to celebrate’
When someone says something like this to us it is very difficult to resist the urge not to trust them. We become super excited and less vigilant. We drop our guard and relax our standards. And more importantly, we ignore our inner voice that says that it is way too premature.
If a semi-stranger promises you ‘future’ it means that he is after something (usually your panties). It may take time to peel the layers to see his true character but, seriously ladies, why would you trust someone who knows nothing about you? It is like something is wrong with their judgment.
The next thing you know when it is ‘the time’ to stick to the promised deed they bail out, disappear, pretend like they said nothing or simply ‘forgot’, or there was a change in plans, or they say you are the ‘wrong person’.
If they enjoy the free benefits and want to keep them coming they may apologize, come up with bogus excuses to subdue your vigilance, or come up with some other questionable future plans. Just like we stick a pacifier into a baby’s mouth to make it stop crying they shove a bunch of fake promises into you to shut you up.
And it works, doesn’t it? It works all the time or most of the time. Unfortunately.
~ They are disrespectful of you and your boundaries. We are not 3 years olds not to understand AND see what disrespect means. Every time they treat you with disrespect THEY are aware of it. Every time they treat you with disrespect YOU are aware of it also.
They treat you with disrespect and pretend like they do not, which makes you question your own judgment and wonder whether you are seeing something that is not there.
They brake your boundaries, cross all lines, make you uncomfortable and care less how it makes you feel. If they were to care about you and the relationship with you they would be on their toes worrying to ‘ruin’ things’ or say something wrong to upset you. Since they do not care they let it all lose. They are not invested and they are not trying to make it work.
~ When you express dissatisfaction they make it all look like you are the 'bad guy’. What it means that even though they think they treat you ‘sort of’ nice (according to their low standards), they won’t admit to being a jerk. Whatever issues you have, whatever you are angry about your complains will be minimized, ridiculed, and invalidated. They will make it all look like they are a ‘Nice Guy’ and you are an unappreciative ‘Bitchy Woman’ who makes a mountain of a mole’s hole.
It is cruel, intentional, and manipulative, but this is what they do. If you complain enough, however, they won’t hesitate to show you the door - ‘If you are not happy feel free to leave’.
There is nothing worse than being stuck with an abusive, self-absorbed jerk who arrogantly thinks that he is such a damn great catch. Do not even try to prove him otherwise, it won’t work. Simply recognize the type and leave.
~ They manipulate a relationship so you do not know where you stand. This one is the most annoying of all! I call it ‘Moon Walking’. If you can recall Michael Jackson’s performance and his famous ‘moon walks’ then you know what I mean. Moon walking produces a very strange visual effect – even though it looks like a person walks forward it actually moves back.
They take 2 steps forward and then 3 steps back, they may throw a bone to chew on and remember for weeks (like spending a vacation together) and then retreat after that for months. They may act like a boyfriend one day and like your ‘friend’ (in a public) the other. They may call you ‘my Amy’ and ‘my woman’ when you are apart, but act distant and cold when together.
Them doing it to you will make it feel like you are drowning in the sea of mixed signals, non-stop pain, and incredible anger. You will feel like there is something wrong with you and you are unlovable. You will be like ‘Am I doing something wrong to make them behave like this?’ or ‘Why in the world did they tame me if they do not need me?’ and ‘If they do not want a relationship then why are they coming back?’ Here is the answer: they do not want the relationship, they just want the benefits; or in plain English – you are being used.
~ They won’t let you go. Surprise surprise! Yes, you heard it right! If they are a user and you are the source of their pleasure and satisfaction they won’t let you go as easily. Besides, if it has been going on for a while and they got used to a steady supply (of benefits), they may act with an attitude like they are entitled to it.
Here is what they do when you leave. Please note that ALMOST none of it was present when you were together:
~ they switch into a romantic mode
~ they give you unexpected presents
~ they go out of their way to make you feel ‘needed and loved’
~ the chase after you and treat you like a Queen
~ they treat you special on Valentine’s Day
~ they make you believe that things will be different this time because (see below)
~ they have finally realized how wrong they are
It is so pathetic because resorting to these things just to get the benefits back only proves my point: they DO know how to be a romantic gentleman. They do know how to treat a woman and what relationships should be like.
As you get a glimpse of what they are like when they are interested and motivated you can now with a 100% certainty say that when you were together they were not invested and were not that interested in having a relationship with you. Coming back will only prove this point – once the benefits are available, the wining and dining will be gone. It will disappear like a mirage left you wondering if it was ever real.
YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: Articles - Do not let them use you as a spare airport to land and Why online dating is such a disaster or if you want to push this non-relationship over the cliff AND feel good about it you will love my empowering e-Book When you are DESPERATE FOR HIS LOVE how to leave your bad relationship without feeling like you are going against yourself