Two–timers - men who juggle two women at a time
Nothing is really guaranteed and there are times when ‘things’ happen. I mean, even if you are in a great relationship and your man treats you like gold, there is always this chance that another pretty woman will cross his path.
What happens next greatly depends on the man. If he is loyal and disciplined, nothing will happen. If he is not disciplined and has a history of straying on his previous women, then things may get murky… If you know what I mean.
They know that what they have with you is golden. Come on now, ladies. Men are not stupid. They talk to their friends and all that drama they hear about unhappy relationships only proves to them how lucky they are to have you.
Two-timers or double-dippers are the men who won’t mind ‘to try’ it with some other pretty chick (behind your back of course) ‘to see what might happen’
Their reasoning is:
~ what if that other woman is better than my current woman?
~ what if I’m missing out on something with my current woman and this new woman will give it to me?
~ what if my relationship with this new woman will turn out to be better?
~ as long as she (i.e. you) does not know I will try. It is my life after all. I deserve to be happy
~ I will have them both and later on figure out who should stay and who should go. Time will show.
It is a certain type of mentality. It has nothing to do with you and more importantly, is not a reflection of who you are.
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I have seen these men in action. It is disgusting to say the least. These men:
~ say the same thing to both women “baby, it feels so good to be with you” or “we have something special”
~ they give the same types of presents to both women
~ they call both women regularly which makes it hard to figure out if they are straying
~ they treat both women nice which makes it hard to dump them
HOW DO I KNOW? – you ask. How do I know that something else is going on? Should I be paranoid?
There are always clues, ladies. When it comes to these things most men are simply put - stupid.
You see, since he considers your permanent relationship as a ‘done deal’, i.e. something that does not require extra effort to keep it going, that’s not the case with his new flame. The other woman needs to be won over. Winning a woman takes effort, emotional investment, and time.
I divide this disgusting behavior into two phases.
Phase number one:
All the free time he had to talk to you or spend time with you in the past will now be cut by 90% and be given to another woman. He will be in touch with you during this time (oh, I am so crazy busy… work is so stressful), but absolutely not available. Yes, he does not want to break up with you YET. He is just too busy sampling another woman and does not want you to stand in his way. He is busy deciding, you know…
Phase number two:
Eventually things will stabilize. The honeymoon period with the other woman will pass and you both will become his ‘steady’ girlfriends without either realizing the presence of the other. This phase is characterized by him ‘coming back’ from being distant, but not to the point where things were like in the beginning, i.e. prior to his cheating.
There will be regular calls, meetings, chatting etc., but things won’t be quite the same. He won’t be as available, as flexible, as patient, as passionate, as excited etc., as he used to be. In other words, he will be different.
It will be a different man.
The funny thing is that somehow these men assume that we won’t notice. They think that they are smarter than everybody else and are good at playing games behind our backs.
They do not even know how to lie because their eyes roll all over the place when put into a corner with sticky questions.
You: “Things are not what they used to be between us. Are you OK? Is everything OK?”
Him (defensively): “Huh? I have not noticed anything. Baby-baby, we are so great together! Would you like to go out tonight?”
What a smart woman should do in this situation?
You could snoop through his phone (your choice) or uncover his cheating, but there is another solution to this disgusting situation.
You see, since the relationship has changed, his behavior, and everything else has changed it is time for you now to figure out if you are OK staying in a relationship that has changed so much. It does not even matter what he is doing behind your back, all that matters is that things between you and him have changed.
Everything is different now. The relationship has deteriorated to a 2 star quality relationship. It was a golden, good quality 5 star relationship which now is not. It has changed through no fault of your own. You did nothing wrong for this change to take place. It is all on him.
Now you have to live with this change wondering what might happen tomorrow between you two.
You actually have an advantage over that other woman. You know what he is like when he is fully present in the relationship and she does not. You know what he can be like and she does not. All she sees is a man who is somewhat distant and not always available. She does not know she is the other woman and you do.
Many of you go through times when a man acts distant. How exactly do we know what is happening?
I wrote more about it here (Article – When he becomes distant) , but in this particular case there is a very good way to find out if he is double-dipping. Actually, it is very simple.
Look at this chart.
If after being distant he came back all loving and attentive, then you are good and have nothing to worry about. Again, this article explains this in a greater detail. If, however, he came back to your relationship as a different man, then you know your answer.
It is always a good idea to wait it out with a man who acts distant. Sooner or later he will pull back in and that’s when thing will get clearer.
What to do if you suspect there is somebody else:
The only way to shake him off the fence is to force him to choose. That’s what sassy bitches do – they get what they want or else. At this point you have nothing to lose, do you?
You can dump him of course, but if you still want the man, then all you have to do is to take extreme action i.e suggest to get married or to move in together. I know it sounds crazy but hey, he may agree to it, who knows? He loves you, he values what he has with you, and he obviously does not want to lose you. At this point, when things are unstable and it is not known what may happen tomorrow, the only way ‘to win’ is bring the relationship to the next level.
The other woman will dump him as soon as she learns he is getting married/moves in with you.
Hesitation on his end should be your clue to get out of this swamp asap.
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