Stop caring so much… especially if they don’t
Caring too much is like running a painful, tiring, long distance marathon: ‘Will they meet me at the finish line with bright balloons, a bouquet of flowers and a sparkly ‘I Love You’ card?’ I hope they will, otherwise, one would have to wonder what I did wrong’
Yes, exactly. When we care too much we HOPE for reciprocation, appreciation, recognition, and love. The word ‘hope’ was not accidental here. We do hope to get these rewards in the future since there are none of them present now.
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I can only imagine what it feels like to be in a situation when you are basically ‘sort of rejected at all times’ but keep giving and caring nevertheless. Are they really THAT special? What makes them so special to be entitled to your giving love? What have they done for YOU to earn such a privileged status? Who in the world do they think they are and who made them think so?
The sad truth is that you did.
Here they are, filled with their own sense of grandiosity and importance, sitting on a pedestal dispensing commands. They do not even need to try hard, you know… And, since you care too much (aka looking to please) you may even know what they want already. You feel like it is your job to accommodate and make things ‘right’. ‘After all – you think – they like what I give which means I am on the right path to win them over’ or ‘If they did not care they wouldn’t be with me’.
But, do they REALLY care?
Yes, they do. About themselves. You see, there is no way this sort of dynamic could be called ‘a healthy relationship’. There is no way one would call it a ‘happy relationship’ or a ‘promising relationship’ or ‘a relationship with a future potential’. It is so incredibly unbalanced that one would rightfully wonder what makes people stay in it.
That’s it. We are getting close to the core of the issue.
When we are depressed and vulnerable, when we seek love and to be needed we become vulnerable to ‘hunters’ – a special breed of a man who will take an opportunity to exploit it. These twisted men are everywhere and they are full of BS and unresolved issues. They prey on the weak to feel important and powerful. They sure know the moves to get you hooked. Once you are in, the game is on.
YOU (are in a pleasing mode): ‘Although, they are not giving me the love and the kind of a relationship I want, it feels good to be needed. I do not feel as lonely anymore’
SELFISH THEM: ‘It is a pipeline of free attention and uncomplicated love. Who would pass up on this? Not ME! She makes ME feel important no matter what’.
You would think that a healthy, balanced individual would not string us along just for the sake of benefits going and you are right. It is those who are full of BS and a bunch of unresolved issues who prey on weaker women to take advantage of and have no problem with it at the same time. They are in a ME-ME-ME mode, and if you, through your actions or certain words, reflect that image they won’t let you go. Once in a relationship, they won’t get tortured by guilt and won’t seem to be bothered that it is all one-sided. Hey, it works for them.
Since you were the one to put them on the pedestal, you will be the one to remove them from it also.
How? By simply calling on their BS.
You gave them way too much power, but in essence, they are just a troubled human being. Just like everybody else, they use restrooms (guess what happens when they sit on a toilet), perhaps snore or talk in their sleep, look awful in the morning and have a terrible morning breath, fart in public elevators, and smell after not taking a shower for three days.
They are NOT THAT POWERFUL and they are certainly not better than you! They are a miserable mentally distorted human being who is looking in wrong places to solve their problems. They are hunters and you are a victim, the victim of your own broken mindset.
Calling on their BS, and saying as it is, will eliminate their power over you. Suddenly, things (with you) won’t seem as interesting anymore and they will have no choice, but to leave. The convoluted game will be over.
Stop giving to those who do not give back, stop caring too much if they do not care, stop trusting if they have not earned your trust, stop waiting for a miracle, stop waiting for love to happen if it is not there (and never will be), stop feeling miserable, unloved, rejected and humiliated; START caring about yourself, start living your life the way you want it because you are the only one who has the power to make it happen.
P.S. Dump his sorry ass TODAY.
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