She broke up with me. How do I get her back? (based on real life experiences)
OK, she broke up with you and you want her back. Now what?
There is no magic wand to reverse everything instantly, but there is still a great way to increase your chances of getting her back.
As a female I’ll show you how to make things right from the moment the breakup takes place and up to the moment when she takes you back. Just to clarify, we will be talking about steady, boyfriend-girlfriend relationships here. This method will not work on short term shallow flings.
First thing you will need to understand is that although it hurts like hell, you will have to ignore your emotions at this time. Doing what emotions dictate you to do will only mess things up big time. That’s the challenge you should be ready to endure.
So, is it possible to get her back or at least make her hear you out? YES, IT IS POSSIBLE. Please read on.
You see, when a woman breaks up with you, all she feels at that moment is Anger. Let’s call it Stage One of the breakup. Calling, texting, pleading and begging her to come back at that time is totally useless. She is angry! As she is angry she won’t feel any other emotions for you meaning that talking about love, kisses, romance etc., will be a waste of time.
Actually, doing these things may aggravate her anger further. Do not sabotage your chances by making things worse!
Therefore, the first thing you will need to do after she breaks up with you is to absolutely leave her alone. You need to absolutely disappear from her radar and let her process the first stage of the breakup which is Anger. Again, sorry for repeating, but you should not be present by her side at this time. It is an absolute must.
Signs of her being angry at you: blocking you on social media, blocking your phone number, ignoring your text messages, not answering phone calls, posting some racy pictures on Facebook to make you jealous, etc.
Ignore all of this. It will change soon.
Along with anger she may feel relief, but guess what? These two strong emotions never last for too long (provided you absolutely leave her alone) and in about 1 week or so of you not being around they will greatly subside.
Now, you may wonder if at this point it would be a good time to come back to your girlfriend, but my answer is still “No”.
Because it is way too early. Although she feels less angry, she is still not ready to take you back. There should be other special emotions present to take you back, and those special emotions are still not there.
The only way to produce those emotions is to continue being gone 100% and make her think of you. Being absolutely gone works 100%.
Once Anger subsides, other emotions will start re-surfacing. Consider this time as a Stage Two. This is also the time when special emotions will start developing. This is the stage you do not want to mess up once again (stay gone and be gone) and you should let it run its course.
You see, breakups are very emotional events. During breakups people experience a wide range of emotions, but the good news is that those emotions are fleeting. By being aware of this you will know when exactly and at what point of a breakup to come back.
By being gone you are giving her a golden opportunity to realize what it is like being without you. This is going to be a very eye opening experience and if she has feelings for you she will not like it. She will start wondering where you are, what you are doing, and whether you have moved on.
What will work to your advantage is that most guys act very irrational and erratic during breakups, and your acting differently will not go unnoticed. She will start wondering…
The longer you stay gone, the more she will think of you and the more she will miss you. The anger will get replaced with longing for your company, and the sense of relieve will get wiped out by the sense of bitter regret. She will remember all the good times and start wondering if she made a mistake.
Let her simmer in these emotions. I say give it 1 week minimum. By the end of this period she will be more than ready to take you back, BUT if she is the kind of a girl who has pride, then she will be expecting for you to initiate. Yep, she dumped you, but still would like you to come crawling back. It is not about ego actually. It is about you admitting to being wrong, begging for forgiveness, and promises to change.
Let’s say you gave her at least 1 week to overcome her anger and then another week to start missing you. Now it is time to try to initiate contact. “To try” because at this point it is still unknown where she stands.
Reach out to her by any reliable means (a phone call, showing up at her work or her place) and say this: “I miss you. I have second thoughts about our breakup. Do you feel the same?”
If she sends you back, calls you names and acts crazy it means she is still at stage one of the breakup which is Anger. At this time you should immediately disappear and leave her alone. She is still in stage one and it was too early for you to come back. She needs more time.
If she appears to be friendly, cries, perhaps hugs you, and basically is ready to talk, then this is an indicator that she is in stage two of the breakup and that she is not mad at you anymore (well, maybe a little bit) and has had a chance to miss you like crazy.
After this it will be up to you to make things work. Be prepared to discuss what went wrong and how to fix it so another breakup will not happen. The reason she broke up with you is still there. As long as it is there, another breakup will be inevitable. Keep that in mind.
Some adjustments to consider
~ If your relationship was overall great and she seemed happy, then it should not take too long to get her back. Leave her alone for 1 week to process angry feelings and another week to start missing you and you should be good to go after that.
~ If your relationship was not that good – let’s say you were fighting a lot – then it will take much longer for her to overcome the angry emotions first and then start missing you. It is a two-step process. We do not miss bad relationships unless a substantial amount of time has passed and made us forget about the bad stuff. In this case give it at least one month total if not longer.
Other things to keep in mind (just so you will not go crazy during this difficult time)
~ Yes, she may block you during the anger stage, but as soon as she is ready to talk you will get unblocked.
~ She may initially post some provocative pictures with other guys. Please ignore it. It is just an immature way to get back at you.
~ If she is silent it does not mean she does not want to talk or does not want you back. Follow the steps above and then reach out first to assess where you stand. You may be surprised!
~ All she wants to hear is your ‘sorry’ and solid promises to fix the issue. You should be ready to fix it though… If you are not ready to give her what she is asking, then please do not be - pardon my French - a selfish pig and leave her alone.
~ Separation and no contact is good for you both. It helps to get perspective on the relationship and realize what you mean to each other. Staying away from her for a while will help you see the clear picture. Hey, you may realize you do not want her.
Please do all of the above and see how it works. If you think your situation is too severe and the relationship is damaged beyond repair, then you may want to try this heavy-duty, step by step e-course or this affordable online counseling service. Stay strong and I hope it will work out! I’ll be rooting for you!
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