Dating – it seems like there is always somebody else
When you meet somebody new, until proven otherwise, you may want to immediately assume, by default, that there is somebody else besides you. Or perhaps was, but is still in the picture.
You see, every time when we meet somebody new, there is a 90%+ chance that they are in a relationship already and are looking to cheat (with you), OR they just broke up and are looking for company, OR are in a bad relationship looking for escape (with you), OR are looking to dump their main woman as soon as something better comes along (you?), OR are NOT looking to dump their main woman aka wife, but still would like to have you (as a mistress perhaps?), OR have lost their wife/girlfriend 10 years ago and are still mourning, OR someone is chasing after them because they are so darn good at disappearing, OR maybe they are chasing after multiple women and you are just one of them.
So, when they wine and dine you in a restaurant, whispering sweet nothings into your ear, you may instinctively assume the most desirable scenario: they have not been with a woman since the Nixon administration and you are the only one queen in the castle.
But, is that so??
Our mind is an interesting thing. It will latch on to anything that even remotely proves our own believes, but will deny and dismiss the large elephant in the room, because hey, that does not fit our view of things. We just want to see what we want to see.
“I am his main woman” – is the thought 100% women immediately assume after like 2 or 3 dates. We do not want to think that there is probably somebody else too, and I am not even talking about being a random side chick. That’s when some time passes and the entire hell breaks loose that we may start seeing things.
But before that, here is how it usually plays out (it is called being played)
“Sure, we do not see each other that often, but he calls me every day. He gives me presents and we spend vacations together. He works a lot which explains short vacations, but anyway… We are not together, but he said he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I have all the reasons in the world to believe that I am his True Love” – says woman #1
“Here is a hypothetical question – I said - What if there is somebody else?"
“This is not possible!” – she replied.
Does anybody see red flags here?
Believe it or not, but in this particular case, there was another woman.
Here is what woman #2 said:
“We have known each other for many years and we are in a committed relationship. Unfortunately he is a workaholic and I do not even remember when he took a vacation last time. Time together? Yes, we do get together sometimes. He is a very nice person and we are in touch every day”
This is scary, ladies.
Both women cherry picked good things about their relationships, but refused to see a mega-elephant in the room! Imagine that elephant talking. What do you think it would say?
I think it would be something like this “I like you, but I do not love you. If I really loved you, I would find plenty of opportunities to spend more time together. I would go as far as marry you. After all, this is what you said you want. Unfortunately, I cannot do this. Instead, I will keep hiding behind my fake busy work schedule. It has been working very well so far”
So, when you meet somebody new, how do you know if there is somebody else, besides you?
I think, it never hurts to ask. They may or may not say the whole thing, but based on what they say you will at least know what the situation is.
After that, it will be all about their behavior. Let time pass and see it for yourself. Eventually, even the sneakiest chameleons reveal their true colors.
I say, anything that has a stink to it should be your red flag. Check these ones out. Do they exhibit any of these? If so, it is either there is somebody else OR they are not freaking available which at this point does not even matter anymore because they are wasting your precious time.
~ Too busy to meet
~ May text and call all the time, but are still too busy to meet
~ May have time to meet, but… – see my next point
~ There is absolutely no progress in the relationship
~ Will not talk about your future together, resist talking about it, may promise to marry someday ‘in the future’, postpone anything and everything related to long-term commitment.
When we date a man with no plans and no agenda we get exactly that – a relationship with no plans and no agenda.
We may be too quick to update our relationship status on social media, call them ‘my boyfriend Thomas’, sleep with them after the 2nd date, invite them over to private family gatherings and parties, shop for new outfits, make plans for next Christmas, introduce them to our friends and do many other girly things when we are obsessed with a man we date, but ignore the silent and stinky elephant in the room giving away clear messages about what is actually going on.
Eventually, time will show. It will be up to us then to decide what to do next.
There is a man out there who would like to propose to you… but it may never happen because you are currently too busy dating somebody else.
See how it works? We might be worrying about THEM not being fully available and dating somebody else besides us, but never think about a possibility of US dating somebody else too. Dating unavailable men makes us unavailable to available men. Think about it!
YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: Articles - He is dating someone else too! and Men who stay on dating websites for years explained! or if you feel like you need to talk to someone because your situation is too unique and most of the stuff you read on the internet is too generic and not helpful, then I would personally like to recommend you this affordable online counseling service. You will not be disappointed.