An apple tree cannot give pears or do you expect them to be someone they are not?

Are you dating someone and feel constantly frustrated because they cannot meet your needs?

Why do you think that is? Is it because they are too stubborn? Maybe the timing is not right? Something else?

Let me ask you this: is it possible that you are looking for an apple tree to give you pears?

Although men are not trees, they do have uniquely defining characteristics that make them for who they are. No more no less, just that.

You have probably heard of jerks, womanizers, addicts, abusers, lame nice guys, psychopaths, cheaters, boring guys, mama’s boys, passive men, chronic losers, players, commitment phobics, narcissists, and other types of guys, right?

And you have probably heard of women who have dated them, too. Most of these women were unhappy and worked very hard to change their men.

Another question for you: how many of them do you think were able to succeed?

That’s right. None.

That brings us back to the original question: are we actually looking for an apple tree to give us pears??

Based on what we have seen so far, it looks like we are!

Back to your current situation with your man. Who are you dating exactly? What kind of man are you dating, and more importantly, what is he capable of?

Most of us want the same – love, commitment, romantic dinners, and loyalty. We want them to love us unconditionally and be accepting of who we are.

The point is that if he is an apple tree and you are expecting pears, then no matter what you do or how hard you try to change him, it is not going to happen. Period.

They cannot give you what you want because they are not a pear tree. And never will be.

The sooner you realize that, the better for you.

I once dated a serial cheater. He was cheating on all of his girlfriends before me, he was cheating on me and he was cheating on his next woman after me.

How do you expect someone like this to change? This is who they are, and instead of wasting your precious time on trying to reason or manipulate them into guilt, the best option here is to just move on.

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Or how about dating someone for years who will not commit? Stop asking yourself ‘why’ and simply get out. They may commit to someone else, but the point is that they do not want to commit to you! End of story.

The same goes for emotionally cold and distant men. Either accept them for who they are or leave. It is unfair to them and it is unfair to you. Stop forcing something that is not there.

Humans, by nature, do not change much. Your task is to assess who is in front of you and what they are capable/not capable of and make a quick decision.

That’s where the famous ‘dating the wrong man’ line comes from. Yep, expecting A, B, and C from a man who can only give D, E, and F is a complete waste of time, energy, and emotions. Demanding A, B, and C will result in drama, tears, tension, long-term conflict, and the feeling of being unloved.

Magic transformations happen only in fairy-tales. The place where everything is wonderful and our selfish dreams come true. Those who believe in fairy-tales are in for a rude awakening EVENTUALLY.

You cannot change what they are capable of. You may force them but hey, how about cold feet before the wedding? Or how about them disappearing for good after especially hot lovey-dovey times initiated by you?

It is not difficult to see what they are capable or not capable of. As time passes by, their true colors eventually show up.

Look at them now. Everything you are currently having together is a good benchmark of what they are capable of and /or willing to give.

You can sure, ask, but please remember, it is better if things are given freely.

Love cannot be forced. Care, respect, excitement, emotional closeness, etc. cannot be forced.

Let your constant struggling for more in this relationship be your inner guide. Let your chronic unhappiness, constant doubts, bitter resentment, and other uncomfortable feelings be the sign that you are not compatible. They are the Wrong Man for You.

It is true that we cannot expect anyone to meet our needs 100%. This kind of thing does not exist. However, the feeling of togetherness, the sense of moving in the same direction should still be there.

Mismatched needs mean you are not on the same page. On top of that, there is a chance you are not meeting their needs too.

Why won’t they tell me about their needs then? – you ask.

The answer is the same: you are a pear tree and they want apples. They do not believe you are capable.

Does it mean there is something wrong with you?

Absolutely not!

You are a unique human being, and you are great the way you are. No need to change yourself for anyone. One day, when The Right Man will come along and will genuinely love you for who you are, you will know exactly what I am talking about!

Stay positive and be strong!

P.S. If you feel like you need to talk to someone because your situation is too unique and most of the stuff you read on the internet is too generic and not helpful, then I would personally like to recommend you this affordable online counseling service. You will not be disappointed.

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: Articles - He promised me a future together. That was 6 years ago and Stop blaming yourself for who they are! or this quality e-Course Why He Disappeared.