Should you respond to his text messages right away?
Have you noticed how ‘when to text or to call back’ dilemma becomes an ISSUE when we feel something for a guy? When we date someone we are not sure about we usually do not give a cr*p when they call and how much they text. When they call we call back when we feel like it, and when they text we respond when we have time. The bottom line – we do not care about them and about the outcome of the ‘relationship’ (or whatever you call it).
It is when we are attracted to a guy the ‘when to text back’ becomes a problem. It is like we become paralyzed by fear of losing him.
“If I text him right away he will think I am desperate and will lose interest”
“If I wait for 3 hrs. and then text back he may think I am not that interested and will lose interest, too”
It is a catch 22 - damn if you do and damn if you don’t. But IS IT??
Let me tell you what I believe and what I do not.
I believe that:
~ If he is truly into you then the timing of texting back does not matter. In his mind you are (or almost) his woman. He wants to communicate, he wants to be in touch, and he wants to stay close. Can you blame him for feeling this way?? Why putting sticks into wheels and stall communication? He wants to communicate so go ahead and communicate back!
~ if he is truly into you then your mission of ‘getting him attracted’ is over. He ALREADY likes you! What is the point of delaying the response by ‘pretending to be busy’? We pretend to be busy because we want to look unobtainable. Unobtainable means ‘hard to get’ and ‘scarce’. But again, he already likes you! Unobtainable or not – he already likes you, hello!
~ I also believe that loss of attraction is possible when we 1) act too distant and elusive 2) act too desperate and needy (texting and calling too much or initiating most of the time).
I do not believe that:
~ a man will lose interest in a woman simply because she responds every time he calls or texts. I do not know of any man who was initially interested in a woman, but then lost interest in her because she was responding to his calls, emails, and text messages in a timely manner. I do know, however, those who ended up loving such a woman more.
You see, there are so many insecure women out there. They think that the only way to keep a guy hooked is to play games. Guys are aware of it and they hate it. It is incredibly refreshing to meet a woman who is capable of communicating like a normal human being. No gimmicks, no game playing, to stupid excuses, no ‘hard to get’ tactics, no ‘I was out of town camping and we had no signal’ crap, and no bizarre behaviors.
~ a man will feel stronger attraction if we delay our response. Many of us believe that being ‘unobtainable’ makes us attractive. Yes, it does, BUT it is not the kind of attraction that is needed to make a long term relationship work. It is a short-lived attraction and as soon as you are in his arms it is either ‘meh’ or ‘bye-bye dear, I just do not feel it’ thing. Once the initial rush is over he will leave. Why? Because there was no true attraction in the first place!
By playing hard to get we delay the ‘get to know you’ process. The guy needs time to figure out what he feels. And, as long as you are busy playing it is not possible. Why not drop the act and be yourself? That way you will get your answer very quickly. He will either be attracted to you or not. Simple as that! Besides, playing games is such a hassle.
Let us face it girls, it is almost impossible to respond right away every time when he calls or sends a text message. We are all busy and we are not chained to our phones 24/7. We take showers, we walk our dogs, we talk to our friends, we sleep, we work, we eat, we suffer from PMS and feel b*tchy at times, so yes, we are not always available to respond. So there will always be times when we respond right away and the times when we do not. And it is OK! What I am trying to say here is that there is no need intentionally NOT TO respond (especially if you are DYING to talk to him).
Look, he is busy too and he got a free minute to get in touch. If you can respond right away then go ahead and do it. If, however, you decide to respond 3 hrs. later he may not be available to connect. See what I am saying here? He tried to connect and you were available but because of some stupid ‘rules’ you decided not to be. You tried to win the game but you actually lost it. You lost an opportunity to connect with a guy you are crazy about.
I think ‘to text’ or ‘not to text back’ dilemma should not even exist. This issue becomes an issue only and only when we feel insecure in a relationship and are not sure of our own value. You are a valuable person and you have something good to offer.
Besides, texting is not a relationship. If all you do is texting then you are not in a relationship. Relationships are about talking in person and spending time together. If all he does is texting then it is a clear sign he does not want more. Your responding right away or pretending to be ‘unobtainable’ and responding 3 hrs later won’t change it. It just goes to say how texting – when it comes to relationships – does not matter that much.
The more you spend time together and the more you communicate the less important this ‘texting thing’ becomes. As a matter of fact, once you are in love and become a couple the texting ‘rules’ will cease to exist. So basically, how I see it, the more you rely on texting and the more you are obsessed with losing him over it, the higher chance your relationship is either too new or not that good. I do not see any other reasons for putting this much emphasis on texting besides the previously mentioned ones.
One more thing. Do not let texting with a guy to paralyze your daily routine. You should text him in the same manner you do with your friends, co-workers, and family. For example: if you do not take your cellphone with you into the shower, then there is no need to do it for a guy. Do you jump out of a shower to read a text message from your mom or a girlfriend? No? Then do not do it for him either. The sky won’t fall down if you take a shower first and THEN check your cell phone, will it?? I hope you get an idea.