Should you talk to your ex ‘one more time’ after a breakup?
When a breakup happens many of us obsess 24/7 over ‘what happened’ and ‘why’. We think non-stop of what they did to us and how things could have been different should they have done this or that.
We conduct internal dialogs with them on the issues they did not want to hear about or did not care to address; we obsess, analyze, play it slowly in our heads for hours hoping again – in our head - for a different, better outcome.
And THEN, once we think we came up with this winning ‘dialog template’ (once again – in our head) we have this urge to contact our ex to talk it through, for real this time, to make them finally ‘get us’ and perhaps even change the way they think about the breakup.
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In essence we believe that talking to our ex one more time – if done correctly – will drastically change things. It is either they will finally admit to their fault, promise to change, feel remorse and say ‘sorry’, answer our burning questions or suggest to get back together. In essence, we believe that talking to them ‘one more time’ will make us feel understood. We want to talk to them because, even though the relationship is over, we still want it to be our way.
If you cannot accept what happened you WILL dwell on what happened.
Once a breakup happens, we usually know WHY it happened. Talking to them ‘one more time’ won’t change that ‘why’. You have already had all the time on the planet to talk to them during - or even before - the breakup. Did it change a thing?
~ Was it a mystery of the century of how you felt when you were together? I bet it was not.
~ Were they aware of their particular behaviors that were toxic to your relationship? I bet they were.
~ Were they willing to listen to your countless pleas or to console you when you were crying over something they did or did not do? If they were there would not be a breakup.
~ Were they afraid to lose you knowing they were being a total ass with you? They may not even thought they were such, but I bet they knew that something was not right. Did they try to do something about that ‘something’? No? Then you have your answer here.
Think of excuses they fed you with, think of their lies, their mean sneaky ways, their selfish motives etc. Do you think that talking to them ‘one more time’ will suddenly change ALL THAT? It is like trying to grow a beautiful fragrant meadow on a big pile of garbage.
Besides, think about how awkward it would look: your relationship is over, he is probably dating someone else or is just busy with his stuff minding his own business, and here you are – a woman from his past calling to talk about a broken relationship. That’s just like treading on psycho territory. You are not a psycho, are you?
When a breakup happens it is better to talk it through right there and then, not after. Time has this strange ability ‘to change things’ meaning that we may think or feel differently after a breakup. We may have more questions, more worries, or become more angry. We may also feel like a fool or like we were taken advantage of. These thoughts and unresolved emotions may linger for weeks, months or even years, but it does not mean we have to pick up that phone and confront our ex about it.
If you want to feel worse, not better, then go ahead and confront them. Talk about how much you love/hate them and what they did wrong. Sugar coating this time won’t work; this time it has to be an open and honest communication which means it will be very uncomfortable for the both of you. I say, try and see how it goes. They will either not listen (because they do not care), will listen politely (but still won’t care), pretend like their cell phone is malfunctioning, like they are in the middle of something or will explode. Which one do you prefer?
If you have troubles moving on you may think that talking to them one more time will clear things up and make it easier for you to move on. If, however, you are nursing hope of getting back together, then talking to them may feel like a must. After all, how are you supposed to ‘change things between you two’ without talking, right?
Let me tell you this: since they already know everything they need to know and since they are not calling you to find out more it means they do not want to hear from you and they do not want to know more. They are simply NOT interested .They are done. They are done with the relationship.
You do not want to do something to regret it later. Think of those times when you tried ‘to change things’ with your ex. How did it go? Besides, why is it YOU who should talk to them? How come they won’t call to talk things through? How come they won’t tell more? Aren’t they worried? Don’t they have anything more to say?? That’s because they do not want to, are not trying to, and do not care. They are silent because they are not interested. It is THAT simple.
So, should you call your ex one more time to talk things through? I do not think so. Talking to them won’t magically repair your broken relationship and won’t change who they are. There will be no circus tricks or fireworks. I would rather shift my energy on myself and focus on my life. Don’t you have anything better to do than bugging your toxic ex?
YOU MAY ALSO LIKE : Articles - Comforting and cozy post-breakup thoughts and Will he be back? or if you want to feel good about your breakup instead of miserable you will love my empowering e-Book When you are DESPERATE FOR HIS LOVE -how to leave your bad relationship without feeling like you are going against yourself.