Should I give presents to a woman I date?

Giving presents to a stranger is like paying their shopping bills – they will surely like it, but will it make them like YOU more?

It is a nice thing to give occasional presents to a woman you date as long as there are no expectations or some sort of ulterior motives on your end.

Think of it as a charity. Anything that is given - is given freely.

It has been my (and of many other women) experience that in some cases it is not the case. It appears that some men do not just give a woman presents to make them smile. They could care less about that smile actually. What they do care about is changing how she feels.

Giving a present to a woman is like silently stating: “Look, I spent my hard working money on you. I could have bought something else for myself, but I didn’t. I hope the sacrifice I am currently making will help you see me in a different light”. In other words – “I hope you will like me more”.

There is the ‘like’ and there is the ‘attraction’.

The ‘like’ comes with great attitude, respectful treatment, care, like minded conversations, great times, and generosity (that includes presents).

The ‘attraction’ has nothing to do with the above.

You may give her zero presents, treat her like dirt, disappear-reappear, cheat, act like a jerk etc., but if there is attraction on her end it will still be there. Yes, acting like this may kill the attraction eventually, but my point is that gift giving, annual Happy Valentine Day cards, flowers on her birthdays and treating her like gold will NOT generate attraction.

It is as if some woman you feel zero chemistry with were giving you things hoping for reciprocation. If there is no interest on your end, then there is no amount of love, care, presents, money, sex, and blind adoration that will make you love her back. If it is not there, then IT IS NOT THERE.

Think about it: if there was a link between gift giving and attraction building, then all a 400 lbs woman with hairy legs would need to do to win your heart is to give you a gift. "Omg, not gonna happen!" - you scream. Well, it goes both ways, dear.

And yet, many desperate guys fall into this gift-giving trap. Do not be that man.

Who does not like free stuff? We all do. She will take the presents and may date you some more (since you are this generous), but it won’t produce attraction.

Rather than pouring money into a stranger, why not wait until it’s clear how she feels? That way things will be mutual and you won’t feel used.

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: Articles - How not to become a victim of a gold digger or in case you want to buy a perfect present for a woman: click here to get to the article which explains how to pick a perfect lipstick color for a woman based on her eye and hair color. Women like lipsticks, especially the ones that look good on their face. Pick a perfect lipstick color for her! Since it takes forever for a woman to find her ‘the one’ lipstick, your impeccable pick will impress her beyond belief. Your pick is GUARANTEED to please the pickiest woman of all times.

I do not have the guts to break up

"I do not have the guts to break up - writes Rob from NY - I am afraid of her emotional reaction.  How do I end this relationship??"

The short answer to your question: Just be a man and break up. It will be uncomfortable, yes, but that’s what life is all about. There will be a lot of uncomfortable situations in life and this breakup is only one of them. Life is not always about comfort, my dear. Sometimes we just have to suck it up and do it.

The long answer: I understand how you feel. Many people face the same dilemma. They just go through the motions (sometimes for years!) and do not freaking know how to break up.

“She is so in love with me. If I break up, will she commit suicide?” – Paul from CA.

“I do not feel the same anymore. I want out, but not sure how to approach it” – Joe from AUS

Who wants to live a dream that does not feel like a dream anymore? Every day we choose to stay we live a fake dream.

It is not just a fake dream for you. It is a fake dream for them too! Imagine if the sides were reversed, would you rather know? Would you rather know you are in a fake relationship with someone who does not give a rat's *ss about you?

“But I do care about them! I do not want to hurt them with the breakup!”

Every day you spend with them is time wasted you will never get back… and neither will they. Every day you spent with them is time you (and they) could be spending on something else that is more meaningful. What you are currently doing with them is now meaningless.

And, as for worrying about hurting their feelings? You are not worried about them per se. You are worried about the inconvenience THEIR reaction will cause to YOU.

You OWE them. You owe them because that’s what you would want if the roles were reversed. Not a wishy-washy flip-flopping about the future together, not about fake ‘I love you’-s and not about fake ‘I miss you’ crap. You would want them to be honest and respectful. You want them to be real.

Do not worry about hurting their feelings. Being honest will work. Being respectful will work. If they are a mature and understanding person they will get it.

After all, why in the world would one want to be with someone who does not love them?

Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who does not feel it? No? So they don’t either!

Just deliver the breakup speech and get out.

In case you need help, here is the script:

How to break up script

“Dear (her name here). It has been great to get to know you, but unfortunately, 
I do not feel like being in this relationship anymore. I do not feel the same and maybe I never did.
It would be only fair to you if I let you know.
Unlike those other men who disappeared on you without a word, I chose to be honest with you.
You deserve someone who loves you, and I am not that man. I do not want to discuss anything further
and would rather be alone at this time. (your name here)”

Be true to yourself and do something right. Enough game playing and pretense. At the end of the day, when the dust settles, you will feel good about yourself.

Breakups and rejections are a part of life. These are uncomfortable things we have to deal with occasionally (unless you live on an uninhabited island).

I hope the person you are breaking up with is mature enough to take it correctly. If not, then what prompted you to get into a relationship with an immature person in the first place? Why did you end up in a relationship with someone like this? Are you attracted to immaturity? These are good questions to ask yourself.

P.S. Make sure you want to break up! Just saying…

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: Articles - Do girls like bad boys? and Is it possible to move on right after breakup? or this popular e-Course Advanced Dating Technique ( based on science)