Maybe we should listen to our intuition more
Have you ever had a gut feeling that something was off but could not put your finger on it?
If so, what did you do with that feeling? Did you disregard it? Did you shrug it off? Did you forget about it 5 min later?
Some people are more intuitive than others but every human knows what intuition is.
When we sense something that does not feel right it is a warning sign that we need to pay attention. I don’t mean we should immediately become paranoid. All we have to do is to take a mental note. After all, we could be wrong, or that ‘little something’ could be just a matter of a bizarre one time occurrence. At this time we do not know what it is exactly, all we know is that it did not feel right.
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That ‘did not feel right’ little thing, if there is a solid ground for it to exist, will eventually blossom into a ‘big thing’… that is, if you let it fester.
You see, with people in general and with relationships in particular, it always starts with that ‘little something’. It is usually very subtle but it is still there, and if you are vigilant enough you may actually ‘see’ it. In this case, no need to try hard, simply listen to your intuition and it will ‘show’.
Examples of that ‘little something’:
~ quite often ‘jerkiness’ and other shady behaviors are mistaken for super confidence and being in control. As they unfold and you pay attention to what you feel you will know soon who they are. Confidence and being in control are great per se unless sprinkled with shadiness.
Anxiety, feeling worthless and unloved, and a sinking sense of self-worth are the signs you are dealing with something more than just ‘confidence’ or ‘being in control’. When initially perceived confidence turns into arrogance and ‘being in control of themselves’ into ‘control of you’ that’s when you know that the bad horse is out of the barn. It will run all over like crazy, disregarding all pleas and begging.
~ I'm especially wary of super nice but very pushy people. Nice is good but heck, something is off with the picture when someone SUDDENLY barges into your life and acts super nice for no apparent reason.
Ever heard of con artists with hidden agendas? That’s what they are like. Whether it is about money or post-break up sex – when they operate on hidden agenda they act like this. They rush things, make it look like it’s an emergency, like they are dying or like you are the only one in the entire Universe they can turn to. Not to rain on anyone’s parade, but sudden niceness is not a good thing unless tested by time.
~ Them flying off the handle easily with other people while being in control with you. You may think it is none of your business, but it is.
Watching them being ‘like that’ with other people is not pretty and not comfortable but guess what? There will be a day – the beginning of the ‘welcome to my snappy world’ nightmare – when they snap at you too. Once it happens there will be no point of return. Not saying it is an ultimate deal-breaker, just pointing out to what you should pay attention to should you wish to continue with them.
~ When early on they say something rude or inappropriate. I know you want to believe they are a refined gentleman, but what you just saw here could be a major character flaw.
It may seem like they are testing your boundaries, but reality is such that mature, intelligent people who respect others neither have the need nor resort to testing anyone’s boundaries or crossing lines. Nice people treat every human being nice regardless of their boundaries (and the ability to stick to them)
When they say something uncomfortable we better take a mental note. That ‘little something’ could be a predictor of a verbally abusive relationship. It is never one drop. It is one drop here and one drop there... until it is a full bucket. Once it is pouring and an umbrella of denial does not help it is usually too late. Didn’t we see that tiny black cloud on the horizon? Didn’t we see it moving towards us? Didn’t it feel strange and troubling? Did we choose to look the other way pretending it was ‘nothing’?
~ Sometimes narcissism gets overshadowed by brilliance. We may be in awe (initially) of their ability to shine and get things done their way until one day when all the layers are off and we see them for who they are.
In case you have not noticed, there is something common with all of these instances. It is the initial shiny ‘Oh, I am so proud of you’ or ’I find it hard to believe, how lucky I am having met you’ admiration that turns into the dim ‘I feel so hurt, how could I not see it coming’ disappointment.
Disappointment and sadness – are the two major feelings we experience after chameleons reveal their true colors. Could we see those colors? Perhaps no. But was there intuition present trying to make us see them? Perhaps yes. Maybe we should listen to it more?