How NOT to pick up the phone when an ass-clown is calling (how to stay strong after the breakup)

Let us admit ladies that it can be very tempting to pick up the phone when HE calls. We know we are supposed to be strong after the breakup but… we could still be angry with them and dying to let them know ‘one more time’ what an a-hole they are, or we could still be missing them and secretly wishing they felt the same, etc.

Who the hell knows…. There are so many reasons to pick up that damn phone when HE calls…

By answering the phone we are running the risk of making an emotionally unstable fool of ourselves. Do you want to take that chance? Was it in the agenda of your day today – to make a fool of yourself… and then to make a double fool of yourself some more by calling back, hopelessly trying to fix the damage?

Lisa’s agenda of the day:

8 am - 9 am Breakfast and a cup of my favorite coffee

10 am - 10:30 am To pick up when he calls and make a fool of myself, blah…

11 am – till bedtime – feeling sorry for myself

If you are one of those who need help to stay strong and NOT to pick up when he calls, then you are in the right place.

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Below is the list of techniques aimed to kill the urge when he calls. These creative techniques worked for me, worked for my friends, and should work for you too. Hey, you may have your own methods to share! If so, do not be shy; just drop me a line and we will post it all here.

How NOT to pick up the phone when an ass-clown is calling (how to stay strong after the breakup)

1. Next time when he calls start counting to 100. After that see if the urge to pick up or call back is still there. If it is still there, count to another 100. Keep counting until the urge is gone. Eventually, it will be gone. I promise!

2. Reward yourself after each time of NOT picking up the phone. I know how hard it is not to pick up so yes, you deserve to be rewarded. Let it be something special and cute: perhaps a new nail polish? A lipstick? A new bottle of perfume? Let it be long-lasting and memorable. After the drama is long gone, you will find great pleasure in looking at these things. They will always be a reminder of your strength and sassiness. Always!

I like giving these things nicknames: “This is my *no – more – Jerks* pink nail polish” or “This is my elegant *I – am – better – than – him* hairpiece”.

3. Right after their call immediately make a cartoonish-looking sketch of their face and body. Exaggerate unattractive parts and minimize the rest. Go wild if you need to. Your goal here is to make it very unpleasant to look at. Transferring the feelings of agitation (from his call) into an ugly-looking sketch will immediately make you feel better.

“… and this ugly and gassy gnome just called me?? Ewwww….. I feel like puking”

Next time when they call have that ugly sketch handy. The urge to pick up will be greatly diminished.

4. Wherever you are when they call – leave that place. If you are outside – go inside; if you are inside - go outside. Change rooms if need be. Your goal here is to immediately change your surroundings. Your brain will positively react to the change and the missed call won’t feel as painful. The worst thing you can do here is to stay in the same spot and stare at your phone. What are you? A self-abusing zoo donkey?

5. In case they are still in your contacts, change their name from whatever to ‘Assclown’. Also, change a ring tone to something that is less than elegant. I once had to change the ring tone of someone I had no respect for to a sound of a quacking duck. Every time they called my phone was quacking. It was so hilarious and soooo NOT romantic! Hahaha….

Let them call and keep your phone quacking. Quack-quack-quack-quack…

6. Every time when he calls think this way: why in the world is he calling?? I will give you a hint – it is all about him, his penis, and some shit story. Men make decisions based on their penis, so in essence, it is not him, it is his horny penis calling. That selfish bastard wants to stick it in and (in his selfish mind) you are his easy target.

When a penis is calling, it is never about a diamond ring, roses, fine dining, proposal, gifts, commitments etc. It is always about sex.

How do I know? Here is the test: don’t pick up when he calls and let it go to your voicemail. What did he say? Did he invite you for a romantic dinner to talk about your future together? Nope. Did he ask you to marry you? Nope. You get my point now, do you?

So in essence, when they call you still respond to their calls, but in a different manner.

Think of them as being rude and selfish, as someone who does not understand the pain you are going through. Would you call a friend who wants to be alone? Would you dare to visit a sibling who is not up to guests at the moment?

His calling is like an unwanted intruder who has no respect for your feelings and boundaries. His calling comes across as incredibly selfish: you need time to heal and he refuses to respect it.

Sooooo, why would you want to talk to a person who does not care how you feel, who does not give a crap about your pain and boundaries, and acts like a pouting adolescent? You deserve better than this!

P.S. If you feel like you need to talk to someone because your situation is too unique and most of the stuff you read on the internet is too generic and not helpful, then I would personally like to recommend you this affordable online counseling service. You will not be disappointed.