Holding on desperately to an empty shell of a dead relationship
Recognize the signs and stop the pain and insanity. Don’t you have anything else better to redirect your energy to than holding on to an empty shell of a dead relationship?
The other person knows, believe me.
They know they have been giving the minimum, and yet - you are still there. Wow. Think it creates more attraction? Watching you holding on to the crumbs as if there is no tomorrow?
They know, they see it, and they feel sorry for you.
If things have reached this point, then it is pretty obvious that they have no respect for you. How can you respect someone this desperate and needy?
Desperation and neediness are major killers of attraction and relationships… and you know it too.
I know this is a very sad situation to be in, but guess who is at fault here? YOU!
It is YOU who keeps flogging the dead horse. It is you who sees the signs, but refuses to take action.
“But how come they are still around?” – you ask.
Well, let me ask you this:
Have they tried to break up with you in the past and did you try to stop them? Did you give them a hard time for breaking up and refuse to leave them alone? Were you acting crazy?
If the answer is a Yes, then there you have it. Just because they are ‘back’ it does not mean they are back for real. If they were, this shit wouldn’t be happening.
Since you refused to let them go freely back then, you are now stuck with a different type of a breakup – ‘quiet quitting’. This term is used for work situations and means doing the very minimum to stay at the role… while looking for something better. The same applies to your dead non-relationship.
There is a bare minimum of everything because they are not invested (anymore) and are on the way out. Quietly this time.
You have already tried to stop the breakup which demonstrates an inability to cope with the situation in mature ways. They do not see you as someone who can handle the stress of breaking up and therefore have chosen the other way out. You gave them the reason to be afraid of you. They are afraid of your emotions!
And you did not see it coming? Them acting uninterested, being always busy, unavailable and giving the minimum comes as a surprise to you now? What do you expect from a person who does not want you?
What if they have never tried to break up, but keep acting distant?
The best thing to do is to mirror their behavior for some time and see if something will change for the better. If not, then you may want to confront them.
“Hey, it seems like things are not what they used to be. I do not want to waste your or my time here. Just let me know”
You are in a dead relationship if:
~ Communication went down from 100% to 10% or less. And even if you talk, the conversations are boring and rather short. Boring and unexciting convos is all you have left. Bluh..
~ Time spent together: the same shit. They are busy, not around as much, full of issues to deal with and simply “not in the mood to meet’ because of whatever. Yep. Excuses, excuses, excuses.
~ No lovey-dovey times, lack of attention, not asking how you feel, indifference and overall minimum of everything.
They know they have to tread carefully here… to keep the balance so to speak. They see you as a ‘weak child’ and triggering you off is not in their interests. Deep down they feel sorry for you and do not want to hurt your feelings. Maybe you are a good person and they don’t believe you deserve the pain.
Therefore – the guilt, the occasional extra attention, extra time, a gift or something lovely are very possible. They have to sweeten the pot sometimes, to give reassurance, and to make sure you are not triggered.
They are afraid to go over the tipping point where you panic, go crazy and throw a temper tantrum like a 2 year old in a public place. Dealing with an emotional person can be super uncomfortable and scary. Think of crimes committed by crazy exes. Those are real!
Your inability to let them go freely keeps them hostage.
They are scared of you committing a crime, turning into a vicious stalker, getting revenge, committing suicide, doing property damage or turning into a witch.
They are scared of the Crazy Unstable You.
It may take a long time for this hostage situation to resolve. If you are the one who won’t and cannot let the other person go, and get super emotional about it, then I suggest you see a specialist.
These are college educated and trained professionals who can help with letting unhealthy attachments and dead relationships go. Give it a chance. Several sessions is all you may actually need to get rid of that dead relationship. You deserve to be loved for real.
People often complain about things being ‘stale’, ‘unhappy’ ‘painful’ and ‘boring’. The only way to invite something new and exciting into your life is to get rid of old stuff. Clear up that space for something new and beautiful! You cannot have both.
P.S. If you feel like you need to talk to someone because your situation is too unique and most of the stuff you read on the internet is too generic and not helpful, then I would personally like to recommend you this affordable online counseling service. You will not be disappointed
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