How not to get crazy when he is distant
Just so you know, I have never met a woman who was OK or ‘just fine’ with her man acting distant. If you are not OK with him being distant, then welcome to the club. Every woman gets nuts when her man behaves like this, not just you.
The question is – how not to fly off the handle? How to keep your emotions under control? How not to be bothered by their weird distant behavior? Is it even possible?
Actually, yes it is.
Now, I am not going to talk about ‘getting busy’ or spending more time with friends. These things are such a cliche. Besides that, ‘getting busy’ does not work for some people and it does not cure the underlying issue of being upset. We may get very-very busy with friends and stuff, but at the end of the day, when alone in a room, the anxiety returns. So much for getting busy, huh??
Getting busy is just a temporary patch to stop the bleeding, not a cure.
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What is the cure then, you ask?
The cure lies inside of you and it is about your self-esteem and attitude.
Let’s take a look at your thought process when he acts distant. What comes to your mind when he is not around? Strangely enough, but almost all women reported that they felt like he was busy with another woman.
“If only I knew he was not with somebody else, I would not mind him being this distant. It is the thought of losing him to another woman that makes me lose my sleep”
Also, most women reported that the separation anxiety would be less intense if only their man was staying in touch and reported on his whereabouts.
But, the problem is – he does not.
We have no idea where he is exactly, who he is talking to at the moment, what the hell he is thinking, who he is with and in some cases – whether he will ever be back. That’s a lot of anxiety inducing thoughts!
How not to get crazy when he is distant
You may want to keep in mind this simple rule: our thoughts and assumptions are our thoughts and assumption only. Our bothersome thoughts do not always align with reality, and quite often have nothing to do with it. They are just thoughts!
The more emotional we are, the crazier our thoughts. Those of us who have loose screws may choose to act upon them too and that’s when we get called a ‘psycho’. It is like being a mentally ill person who is possessed by their own delusional thoughts and is following commands coming from their own head. Ouch.
Curb the urge ‘to do something’ with this affirmative statement: “those are just unpleasant thoughts and assumptions, and they have nothing to do with reality. I choose not to believe my thoughts unless there are facts present confirming those thoughts”
It pays to be a reasonable person. Why sabotage a great relationship over something that is not there? You may think of them being guilty, but if they did nothing wrong, then you have no right to accuse them of wrongdoings or demand an apology. Imagine if they were doing it to you! Why embarrass yourself like this?
Watch your thoughts carefully. They are what are poisoning your day, not his being distant. I know it is hard to believe, but let’s continue.
Here is what’s actually happening: the less secure we are, the greater the pain of them not being around.
Think about it.
Generally men are all the same and quite predictable. They ALL behave distant at times. What is not the same – are the reactions of their women.
I talked to super secure and terribly insecure women and the difference is huge. It is like two different galaxies operating under different forces and cosmic rules.
Here is the typical attitude and a thought process of a secure woman: I do not always notice when he is distant, but even if I do I keep going on with my stuff. Does it drive me nuts? Yes, I guess, but if I know that he is not in a hospital dying, then that’s all that matters. I may attempt to talk to him asking what is wrong, but based on my experience sometimes men just want to be left alone. I like giving him space because this is what he gives me when I have a bad day. Does him cheating on me cross my mind? It is not about cheating per se, it is about two people wanting to be together. I do not want a man who does not want me. I would rather take one day at a time and deal with real issues versus imaginary ones.
And here is the thought process of an insecure woman: this is bad. I knew it. I knew that good things do not last forever. This is the beginning of the end. Why is he doing it to me? I thought we were good together. I am so disappointed. What is he doing and why isn’t he calling? Doesn’t he need me anymore? I feel not needed, ignored, lonely, abandoned, and rejected. What a painful existence. All my thoughts are about him, I cannot even sleep! I am going to call my girlfriend to discuss what to do. I cannot take it anymore.
Notice the level of drama in both instances.
Insecurity makes us very needy and therefore results in a low tolerance to separation. Their being distant and your reaction to it is like a reflection of your self-esteem level.
It is not their fault you feel this way, it is your own deep-rooted issues of low self-esteem and neediness that make you suffer. Their distant behavior was a trigger that activated these issues. You may have had no idea you were this bad, but now you do.
Anything that happens around us produces a certain emotional reaction. You have probably noticed how differently people respond to the exact same event - some laugh, some act serious, some feel bored, and some do not give a crap.
Insecurity and blowing up everything out of proportion go hand in hand.
Let’s say he did not call as promised
Secure woman: “Oh, he must have had a busy day. We will chat later then”
Insecure woman: “Omg, he forgot!! He does not like me as much as I thought. I feel soooo depressed”
Let’s say he forgot your birthday.
Secure woman: “Men need to be told what is expected of them. I may have to remind him next time”
Insecure woman: ”How could he forget??? Doesn’t he love me anymore?? I feel like crying now!”
Let’s say he did something that upset you big time
Secure woman: “Hey, that’s not going to fly. Be nice with me or we are not a match!”
Insecure woman: “I’m so hurt! I am worried if I speak up he will get mad and dump me”
The bottom line is: It is not them, it is you. Enhance your sense of self-value and self-esteem, and no man will ever be capable of hurting you like this. You are the boss of your life and you are the Queen. You are Number One! Act like it and feel like it too!
P.S. If you feel like you need to talk to someone because your situation is too unique and most of the stuff you read on the internet is too generic and not helpful, then I would personally like to recommend you this super affordable online counseling service. You will not be disappointed.
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