He always responds, but never initiates contact

Please help me figure this out “... he is not initiating contact, but always responds to my messages. Does it mean he is interested? ...but if he is, then why won’t he initiate?? “

It is a perfect but unfortunate pairing of two people, one desperate for love and the other for attention.

In other words, you are chasing because you need love and they respond because they need the attention flowing.

Take a look at this super-pathetic scenario: while you, full of anxiety, keep chasing and hoping they will ‘wake up’ one day and reciprocate, the other party just sits there passively, and enjoys the attention given without lifting a finger.

They do not even need to get out of bed, change pajamas, shave and brush their teeth, go places, take risks, get inconvenienced, or make an effort because in their mind the attention will still be there. It keeps falling from the sky like a golden rain on a daily basis and on a regular schedule. That’s the most accurate forecast ever!

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And, even though you are on opposite sides of the spectrum, what unites you both is the lack of self-love and some obvious issues with self-esteem.

You see, nothing is wrong with ‘some’ chasing per se. We are always encouraged to show interest first and that is OK. It is what happens AFTER that initial step that is telling.

It is pretty obvious when someone is interested. It is also pretty obvious when someone is not. Come on, ladies. No excuses here, OK?

A self-loving and self-respecting person will assess the situation for what it is and will make a healthy choice not to chase the pie in the sky.

A person with little or no self-love and self-respect will deny the obvious and will keep chasing.

How can they not? The pie is so sweet and desirable! Hey, a sweet pie for dessert, any takes? I am in! So-so tempting.

Meanwhile, the pie in the sky is preoccupied with something completely different: it wants attention! The more the merrier…

Don’t get me wrong. We all love attention. Attention feels good, BUT (there is a huge ‘but’ here) : it is those who ‘need’ the attention to feel good about themselves that we are talking about.

You see, a balanced human being would have no problem saying ‘no’ to the supply of attention coming from someone they are not interested in. It is rude, cruel, and wrong to lead someone on.

On the other hand, those who are desperate for flattery, attention, and admiration, will take the attention from anywhere and anyone. They do not even care about the source! As long as it keeps coming steadily that's all that matters.

Some people need attention to build up their self-image and feel good about themselves. They do not see themselves as valuable enough to be content within themselves and need validation from the other to feel ‘whole’.

Chasing after someone means giving attention, validation, and letting them know that they matter. It is a huge ego boost!

There is a reason they do not initiate. To initiate means to reciprocate. And, in order to reciprocate they would have to switch from the ‘I need my dose of ego boost’ mode into the ‘giving’ mode and taking real steps towards building a relationship with another human being. And this is not what they are after.

They are after attention, admiration, validation, flattery, and an ego boost. They are not after the effort, reciprocation, compassion, and commitment. These are very different things.

I say, ladies, from this point forward, let’s start focusing on you!

It is clear as day now that the other person is not reciprocating (and we now know why) and is using you. As a result - your needs are not met.

It is also clear as day now what your next steps should be. Cut off the supply of free attention, validation, admiration and an ego boost and redirect that energy onto you.

You are the one who needs all those things! Rethink your boundaries and do some re-evaluation of what will be allowed and not allowed in relationships with you. Become one of those bitches who gets her way.

No more pies in the sky, no more insecure losers, no more frustration, and no more ‘why is he not initiating’ thoughts. Remember, men will always take advantage of you if you let them.

As I like to say, ladies, you are the boss of your own life. And second – he was not your future husband (or a loving boyfriend). If he was, you would not be reading this article.

Think of smelling fragrant flowers, delicious chocolate, romantic dinners, and tons of intoxicating compliments. Yummm! Think of a beautiful ring (perhaps?) and tons of ‘I love you’s. .. Under these kind of lovely circumstances that pathetic ‘why is he not initiating’ thing won’t even cross your mind! Indeed, it is so-so freaking pathetic! Drop that insecure Loser!

P.S. If you feel like you need to talk to someone because your situation is too unique and most of the stuff you read on the internet is too generic and not helpful, then I would personally like to recommend you this affordable online counseling service. You will not be disappointed.