Queens Do Not Chase!

What’s up with that chasing game, ladies? Yes, you got it right—the GAME.

Chasing is a game, and here is why: anything that involves creative extra moves to get something is a game, at least in the dating world.

And chasing is a particularly sneaky game because, deep down, we usually know that they are not that into us. That is precisely why we keep making all those extra moves. After all, if they were genuinely interested, half of this elaborate production would not be necessary.

And yet, we keep chasing, chasing, and chasing.

WHY?

Why do you keep chasing after someone who does not see you for the Queen you are?

I get it. They may be giving you mixed signals and perhaps just enough hope to keep the entire operation alive. Or maybe there was one evening, one conversation, one look across the table when you felt absolutely certain that something existed between you—but nothing has happened yet because… well, please insert your 100th excuse here.

Maybe they are busy. Maybe they are confused. Maybe Mercury is doing something complicated.

Look, I understand the frustration, the hope, and the pain, but here is the uncomfortable part: a great deal of this suffering is being created by continuing to participate in the chase.

What do you think will happen if you stop chasing them today?

The sky will not fall. You will not die. The sun will rise tomorrow as usual. Life will continue—and suddenly you will no longer be spending quite so much of it waiting for someone to respond, initiate, notice, decide, or finally discover your magnificence.

That alone is an impressive improvement in quality of life.

Every time you send a message and receive silence, you feel rejected. Every time you suggest seeing each other and get a vague “maybe”, you feel rejected. Every time you wait three days for a return call or realize that you are once again the person initiating everything, the message begins to sink in.

No wonder chasing is exhausting.

As long as you chase, you keep placing yourself in situations where you can experience rejection over and over again.

Meanwhile, rest assured, the proud peacock—aka the person you are chasing—may be experiencing none of this.

There he is, perched comfortably on his shiny little pedestal, feathers out, enjoying the attention. And why wouldn’t he? Most people will happily accept admiration, invitations, compliments, emotional availability, and enthusiastic attention when it arrives completely free of charge.

The proud peacock may not even understand what all the fuss is about. All he knows is that somehow he has become the center of this particular universe.

No complaints from the peacock.

But are you feeling like the center of anybody’s universe? Are you receiving attention too? Effort? Curiosity? Invitations? Maybe half as much? A teeny-tiny ceremonial portion?

No?

Well then, ladies, we appear to have an imbalance.

And the solution is not to devise an even more ingenious way to get his attention.

The solution is to stop supplying all the momentum.

Do not punish. Do not manipulate. Do not dramatically disappear in the hope that he will notice your absence and arrive at your door during a rainstorm.

Simply stop doing all the extra work.

Let the connection stand on its own two feet and see whether it can walk.

If you stop initiating, arranging, reminding, nudging, checking in, making excuses, and generally serving as unpaid Director of Romantic Operations, something very interesting happens: you finally get to see what the other person does without your effort holding everything together.

And sometimes the answer is: not much.

Useful information, Your Majesty.

Look at this list of goodies!

When you stop chasing, there is:

No more anxiety over whether they will respond.

No more constant initiation followed by that strange little feeling that perhaps you are trying too hard.

No more waiting for them to contact you.

No more endless analysis of every message, pause, emoji, and punctuation mark.

No more attempting to solve the great mystery of “Why are they acting like this?”

And, most importantly, far less opportunity to feel rejected all day long.

That is what balance begins to look like.

When you chase someone, you are essentially maintaining a one-sided relationship and hoping it will eventually become a two-sided one. Sometimes it does. More often, you simply become very good at carrying something that was never carrying you back.

“But should I at least show them that I’m interested?” the Queen asks.

Of course.

Showing interest is not chasing.

Smile. Flirt. Start a conversation. Accept the date. Suggest coffee. Make it perfectly clear that the door is open.

Then see whether they walk through it.

Once someone knows you are interested, you do not need to keep sending increasingly elaborate invitations engraved in gold.

If nothing happens after your initial green light, let that be information. Do not chase, do not stalk, and please do not turn into a bunny-boiler.

You are the Queen, remember?

You deserve flowers, lovely dates, compliments, affection, laughter, sweet nothings whispered into your ear, and all sorts of cute things that require surprisingly little strategic planning when somebody genuinely adores you.

With the right person, you will not need to spend your days manufacturing momentum.

They will bring some of their own.

No games. No chasing.

Mark my words.