Excitement and ardent pursuit can backfire big time, especially in the beginning. Do not kill your chances of love!

Excitement and ardent pursuit can backfire big time, especially in the beginning.

Being overly excited about someone may come across as being desperate and needy. The ‘out of the blue’ excitement may also feel uncomfortable, overwhelming, and overbearing to the other person.

Ever had a chance to talk to someone new only to feel like you had no choice but to cut them off?

When a flood of attention starts pouring into our personal space, overwhelming us to the core, there seems to be no other option left to stop the madness but to shut the door.

It is like there is no other way to relieve the discomfort but shutting the door... and I do not blame you!

We may feel guilty at times shutting down potentially good prospects because let’s us admit it ladies: we do want to find a Prince Charming who feels crazy about us and who would love us forever.

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And yet, every time when we feel smothered by an overly excited stranger we feel nothing but weird anxiety and an overwhelming desire to cut them off.

I wish the other party knew. I wish the other party – aka the overwhelmingly excited party – had some sense of awareness and understanding as to how they come across and more importantly, how they are being perceived.

I also wish the overly excited party learned from these seemingly identical past events. If you do the same thing to everybody and everybody keeps disappearing early on, then maybe it is the time to stop and think? How can it be that they ‘all’ suddenly disappear? Is it possible that it is
YOU who makes them do it?

Excitement and ardent pursuit can backfire big time, especially in the beginning.

It is just human nature to reject something that seems off.

How is it normal when a virtual stranger is literally all over us all of a sudden? The only time I see a sudden excitement making sense is when a wild hungry animal finds food in a jungle. Yes, it is very exciting to finally catch something and have a meal, isn’t it???

And if you agree on the above, then let’s elaborate on it some more. The animal is excited, yes but what else does it tell us? It tells us also that the animal is desperate and needy.

The animal has no regard for the prey and is after its own satisfaction only. Are you with me here? And if you were that prey (that is in danger of being eaten alive) what would you do?

Yes, the self-preservation instinct would kick in and make you run for your life.

And if you agree with me on this one too, then maybe it explains the uncomfortable anxiety and desire to run away when someone pursues us ardently all of a sudden. (“why are they after me so much??” “it just seems like they want something”,” yes, they are definitely after something”)

This is just one side of the coin; and let’s agree - a not so pretty one. The other side? The other side is just as pathetic, unfortunately.

Remember that hungry animal we talked about earlier? The other side of the coin is about desperation and neediness.

They are desperate and needy and therefore have a strong desire to succeed no matter what.

Desperation and neediness are major attraction killers and therefore the minute we sense these, we shut them down.

Desperation and neediness is like a toxic rain to a beautiful garden of love. You cannot just keep pouring and pouring and expect it to thrive. The garden of love is a tender place where gentle care is needed to make it develop and grow.

There is no such thing as a deluge of crazy stimulants to make it grow up overnight. When it comes to love, there is no such a thing as ‘overnight’.

The feelings of attraction and love need to be patiently cultivated. The ardent pursuit and efforts to ‘make things happen’ never work because things need to grow organically. You cannot force attraction and love.

It is an unfortunate scenario for a pursuant and the person who is being pursued (aka the victim).

On one hand the excited pursuant feels like giving attention and adoration is a right thing to do and nothing wrong is happening. But on the other - it overwhelms the other party big time and makes them feel creepy.

First, the ‘victim’ feels smothered and overwhelmed which does not help in building attraction.

And second, on top of that, the ‘victim’ perceives such behavior as desperation and neediness which basically kills all the chances of any attraction happening and puts the final nail in the coffin.

And that’s it. The End.

Flooding a tender garden of love with toxic deluge causes permanent damage. There is no way to go back and ‘un-do’ what was done and ‘un-say’ what was said. It does not work that way, unfortunately.

Pursuing someone ardently and blindly creates a permanent imprint that is impossible to erase.

The only way to prevent this scenario in the future is to remember to grow things slowly and organically. Love and attraction cannot be forced. If at loss of what to do – try to at least mirror their behavior and do not do more than they do.

Examples of what not to do and /or how not to come across as too excited, too desperate and too needy when pursuing a new relationship

~ do not double text, call or email. Wait for them to respond before sending something again.

~ watch for their quality of responses. Do they seem excited as you do? No? Then slow down and
cut down on the count of words used.

~ keep it casual and easy breezy at first. Do not be too serious. Remember, it is not only about
what you do, it is also about what you say.

~ more is here. I wrote an entire article about coming on too strong and what to do to keep
the attraction going.

“Love is the flower you’ve got to let grow.” – John Lennon

P.S. If you feel like you need to talk to someone because your situation is too unique and most of the stuff you read on the internet is too generic and not helpful, then I would personally like to recommend you this affordable online counseling service. You will not be disappointed.

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