Coming on too strong always fails
If you were a victim of someone who was coming on too strong, then you know how creepy it feels. The same kind of creepy as when you get lost in a bad neighborhood and start getting stares… well, you know what I mean, right?
I am not talking about individuals with a super-low value and a super low self-esteem who would accept any praise from anyone without questioning the circumstances.
I am talking about reasonably healthy people who all of a sudden get bombarded with compliments, adoration, and love and as a result feel creeped out and uncomfortable.
“Uh oh, should I keep my windows shut, a chimney blocked, and doors double-locked from now on?”
Please understand that I get it. I get the excitement part and the feeling like they could be ‘The One’. YES! I totally get it.
What I do not get and what concerns me is their inability to control themselves and the inability to see how they could be coming across and how they are being perceived by another party (aka the victim).
It is the theater of a one-sided role playing with only one player on the stage; a very good player I would say, but oh so terribly misguided.
They are so freaking into their own world, into their own feelings and thoughts, and SO ABOUT THEMSELVES. But how about the one in the viewer's seat?
To those who come on too strong: Hello! Are you aware how ridiculous you are? Do you monitor the reaction of another person to your actions? Do you see the discomfort they feel?
Can you sense the energy of the received feedback? Are they clapping or leaving the theater? Do they seem like they enjoy the show?
Unfortunately, anything extreme never works.
It is better and much safer for your budding romance to behave somewhere in the middle. A positive, good energy ‘middle’. .. if you catch my drift.
Those who tend to come on too strong – I feel for you. I can only imagine how many great dates and potential relationships went down the drain because of this. Dealing with a trail of broken dreams that got washed away like footprints on the beach is just too painful.
Just to better understand how it feels like on the receiving end, let me play out this scenario for you.
Imagine you are a business owner and you are looking for a business partner to expand your business. Imagine having a ‘must have’ list and a list of deal breakers.
Since your business is your ‘baby’, you don’t want to get yourself into some shady deal and lose it all. You worked way too hard and way too long to get where you are now. Why risk it with a predator biting off a chunk and disappearing, right?
And now, imagine some super excited dude calling you in the morning, breathing heavily into the phone like there is no tomorrow, asking to meet…
You meet for a casual ‘get to know you’ lunch and there it goes - the poorly groomed dude, a total stranger you know nothing about, is gushing all over:
“Oh, you are so wonderful and your business is so wonderful! I have been looking for a business partner like you all my life! How am I so lucky to have found you! Want to sign some contracts today? How about some ads of us together on YouTube? We will do great together, I promise! Let’s do it, let’s move forward! What is the next step? Want to merge our bank accounts? Something else? I am so excited, I cannot believe I have finally found you! This is the beginning of something amazing, I cannot wait”
As a business owner and as a golden goose laying golden eggs, what would you do in this situation? Could they be a sneaky fox looking to steal?
I know you may have many ideas, but one thing is FOR SURE.
You would NOT proceed with this sneaky fox simply because it was too much too soon and too many unknowns.
It is the ‘too many unknowns’ part that makes you put on the breaks and slow down the whole thing significantly.
“Hold on dude – you say – I get you are all excited, but I know nothing about your potential as a business partner. I need some time to get to know you more and THEN I will make my decision”
You may also question their mental state and the ability to act professionally during potential deals and around clients.
“Hmmm, they are so all over the place, I am wondering if I want to sabotage my hard grown business with someone unstable like this” and “when someone moves with the speed of 100 miles per hour on the 30 mile per hour road what does it tell me?”
See where I am going with this? See how your coming on too strongly is being perceived by another person? See how spooky and off-putting it is??
Coming on too strong...
~ Coming on too strong breeds fear (in women) because it makes a dude look excessively aggressive.
You act aggressive towards us and it is a ‘bye-bye’.
~ Coming on too strong creates the sense of loneliness. We get you are all excited, but you are definitely not calibrated with us. You are on your own wave and are not calibrated with what we feel. We feel ignored.
You act like a self-absorbed idiot with us and it is a ‘bye-bye’ again. The show is over.
~ Coming on too strongly invokes bad memories. We all remember the times when a guy was all over us one day and then gone the next. We would rather take it slow.
You act like one of those hurtful clowns from the past and it is ‘bye-bye. No excuses.
~ Coming on too strong makes us feel OFFENDED. It is especially true for the Queens, i.e. ladies of high value.
We see this as a ‘fake act’ and are offended. You think we are that stupid not to see what you are doing here? You think we don’t see the game you are playing – a croaking frog pretending to be a nightingale?? We are not stupid and we can see croaking frogs from afar!
Act like a disrespectful lowlife with us and it is a ‘bye-bye’ again.
My personal observation and the observation of my several girlfriends shows that it is the men with below average intelligence who tend to come on too strong.
Educated men who possess some class and understanding of social norms tend to act more appropriately with women.
Before finishing this article I thought I would list some very common signs of those who come on too strong. If you have a tendency of coming on too strong – please make an effort to stop the listed below behaviors. Coming on too strong always fails.
Don’t you want to be more successful in dating and relationships?
They are coming on too strong if: (based on personal experience)
~ they keep sending you multiple messages or emails without giving you a chance to respond. I call it being flooded with emails – “I am so overwhelmed with these random words, sentences, commas, and multiple question marks pouring into my inbox all of a sudden. What is this and why is it happening? “
Take those multiple messages as a sign. In my opinion, it is probably not going to work. There are obviously some issues going on.
~ they talk about the distant future. ‘We will... (insert a distant event here)’, and you are like ‘whoa whoa, wait a minute, it is just a first date, I am not ready to add you to my will lol'
~ they act like you are already a done deal (call you 'girlfriend' for example)
~ they demand you do some things or reciprocate. There is some sort of pressure to do something you are not comfortable about. Naturally you may feel guilty for ‘not feeling that way’ or like something is wrong with you.
“play along with my wants, desires and fantasies or else”. Yeah, right. We can always get up and leave in the middle of a show. Yes, we can, and we do not need your permission.
They are creepy creeps and you need to stop the insanity. Do not feel pressured into doing something you do not want. I usually take it as a sign that we are not compatible. I also take it as a sign that the clown is controlling and abusive.
Hopefully this article was helpful for you.
Personally, I would recommend blocking everyone who comes on too strong. It is usually a certain type of a clown. They behave the same with every woman and there is a high chance they are a bad relationship material for all the reasons described above. Ta-ta for now.
P.S. If you feel like you need to talk to someone because your situation is too unique and most of the stuff you read on the internet is too generic and not helpful, then I would personally like to recommend you this affordable online counseling service. You will not be disappointed.
YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: Articles - Boundaries III - How to establish personal boundaries guide and Be aware of a 'carpet bombing' dating technique - are you an innocent victim? or my popular e-Book Sassy Bitch Reference Guide - What To Do When He... top 100 questions answered!