When he hurts your feelings

You know how it goes: everything seems to be going fine and you feel good about your relationship until he does something that makes you a bit uneasy.

It happens in a very subtle manner, and since it is such a minor thing, you do not want to make waves about it. You do not want to rock the boat, as they say.

You do not want to come across as a hysterical, unreasonable or as a psychotic woman who makes drama over something minor. Even if you were to point it out to him CALMLY, you would still have a high chance of coming across as a 'highly emotional woman who gets upset over every little thing'. You really do not want to be THAT woman.


And then it happens again, and again, and again... All the anger and frustration start accumulating inside of you and sweeping it under the rug becomes more and more difficult. Your desire to explode in anger fights with your desire to not be THAT woman. You feel trapped and scared at the same time. You are afraid to speak up because you are afraid to lose the relationship. After all - you say - he really did not mean to hurt me, it was unintentional.

Let me ask you this question: if it was happening the other way around, would you rather know what YOU did that resulted in hurting HIM? Would you like to know exactly what you did to make him upset? Would you rather him to tell or hide it from you, left suffering in silence? We do not want to hurt people who are so special to us. As a matter of fact, we do not want to hurt anyone!

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Since things cannot continue like this any longer, and you feel like you need to take an action, below are some insightful suggestions on how to improve/change the situation.

Look at what he does that makes you upset. It is usually one of two tings - he is either being DISRESPECTFUL, or his actions are being dictated by his PERSONALITY traits.

He is being disrespectful
It is usually blatant disrespect that hurts us the most - he promised to call but he did not, his priorities are messed up and you are not in the top 3 of that list, he forgets important dates and anniversaries (the ones he remembered before), he breaks promises and changes plans as he pleases, he ignores you.

He would not even think twice about doing it to his clients or his boss, would he?? Then why is he doing it to you? Who does he think he is??

His personality
Perhaps it is his upbringing. For example, he may forget to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ sometimes, or perhaps he is just like a bull in a china store - being considerate and refined is a foreign concept to him. Is he the same way with other people too? If his friend's and co-worker's description of him is matching yours, then you do know now that those blunders are unintentional. It's just the way he is!

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There is a big difference between the above two, though. In case of disrespect HE DOES KNOW he behaves inappropriately, unlike in the latter case, where he quite frequently may NOT BE AWARE of how he is coming across.
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If he is being disrespectful, you do need to point it out. He knows he was not being nice, and your bringing this up will earn his respect. It will show you are a lady of high standards and class, and treating you shabby will result in HIM losing YOU.

No need to yell or give him a 30 minute emotionally supercharged speech, just point out what he did wrong (he knows!), and ask to refrain from such behavior in the future. If he is able to treat his clients and his boss with respect, then he can master treating you with respect as well.

In case of him being just the way he is, well ladies, you already know your answer - he is just the way he is! You could try to enlighten him on how some of his traits and behaviors affect your feelings, or could try asking to refrain from certain habits and thoughts... but to tell you the truth, it may not help that much. To give an extreme example, you cannot transform a Hillbilly Guy into an Upper-Class Blue Blood Gentleman. He is what he is!

I say, ladies, try to change your perception of him and treat those painful blunders as some sort of innocent childish cuteness. He may try to adjust to your requests to please and make you happy, but those blunders will still be there and they will keep popping up periodically. He just cannot help himself. Please remember, you are not perfect either.

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