Stop being taken for granted!
Does it feel sometimes like he is just looking through you instead of looking at you?
Does he just hear you talk instead of listening?
Also, when was the last time he invited you to a nice restaurant to have a romantic dinner, gave you flowers for no reason, complimented on your lovely looks, or even tried to look great himself for you?
When was the last time he made an effort to make you feel special? If you do not remember or barely remember any of these, then yes, you are being taken for granted.
The worst part of this discovery is this: if you were to meet him today and he was acting the exact way he is acting right now, HE WOULD NOT STAND A CHANCE OF HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU.
Why in the world would you want to date a guy who has this ‘take it or leave it’ attitude, and does not make any effort to make you feel special?
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Women do not date to feel un-special, ignored, and taken for granted. Women date and are looking to be in a relationship with a man, who makes them feel loved and like The One. Isn’t it what he made you feel like in the beginning? I bet he did! Otherwise you wouldn’t be here, sitting and wondering how in the world things have deteriorated to this point, why he is like this, and if there is something that you could do to change his complacent attitude.
And it is not like you are trying to squeeze something out of him that he is not capable of giving. He did it in the past, and so he knows how to be romantic with you (and that’s the reason he got you interested in the first place!). His being non-romantic, whether he is aware of it or not, will have a bad impact on your level of interest and the relationship overall.
Being taken for granted is the same feeling as being unloved, ignored, and unappreciated; it is a lonely, sad feeling to have.
Those men, who take nice women for granted, deserve a very loud wake-up call. And you will be the one to make it happen.
Let’s step into his head for a moment and explore what is happening there. Your man is just like every male species on this planet; his mind is focused on solving problems and achieving goals. In the beginning of your relationship he saw you as a ‘project’ to solve and a ‘goal’ to achieve. Since he was not raised among a pack of wolves, he knows what tactics to use (romantic dinners, presents, etc.), and words to say (‘I have not felt like this for a long-long time’, ‘you are very special to me’ etc.) to get a woman. Once a woman succumbs - he stops all the efforts. He thinks he has achieved the goal and the project that he was working on so hard is complete.
Now he thinks you are his and he can afford to just relax and do nothing. Now he thinks, that after giving you an initial dose of love and attention (during the short chasing period), he is entitled to receiving love from you for the rest of his life by being lazy, non-romantic, inattentive, and perhaps disrespectful too. In other words, here is how it all looks right now: one party (aka him) gets to be double-loved - by himself and you, and another party (aka you) - gets nothing. This is quite an imbalance, don’t you think??
A wake-up call is just that - a wake-up call - you are either the man I fell in love with or you are a fraud!
Think about it from his perspective - if he were to buy some fancy gadget that does A, B, and C, and suddenly, after a short period of time, all that gadget could do is A (well, sometimes) - what do you think he would do? Would he keep the gadget? Lord have a mercy, but I believe - he would not! What’s the purpose of keeping something that has become good for nothing?
Your man is full time complacent with the relationship right now, because he faced zero consequences for being part-time complacent earlier. In other words, his taking you for granted did not happen overnight, it is a gradual process, and you have contributed to it by being... complacent.
He became lazy and unresponsive because back then, when he was not behaving properly, you were lazy and unresponsive to address that exact behavior. The big issue you are facing right now is a result of smaller issues that have accumulated over time.
So, how do you stop it, how do you prevent it, and how do you fix it all NOW?
Well, to tell you the truth, you cannot cure overnight a chronic condition that took months or usually years to develop. The fresher your problem is, the easier and faster your relationship will recover.
Anyway, one of the main reasons he started taking you for granted is because you have been too nice and were afraid to speak up. Some men perceive niceness as a weakness and their male instincts will not stop from taking advantage of it. Also, by keeping it all to yourself you were giving him a green light to continue; he expected you to voice out your concerns should something have bothered you, but since you were keeping it quiet (trying to be nice by not rocking the boat) he thought everything was fine. Learn WHY you need to speak up: article – Do not be afraid to stand up for yourself.
Usually men DO KNOW when they're doing something they are not supposed to be doing. He will do that ‘little something’ and watch your reaction. If you fuss and throw a fit, he knows he has crossed the line, as a result he will pull back to stay within boundaries which he now is pretty damn aware of he is not suppose to cross.
If you, however, say nothing, he WILL KNOW he can get away with it and will continue doing that ‘little something’ again and again. Eventually, when it becomes a pattern, you end up with a man who does whatever he wants in the relationship, and who believes that you are his no matter what, and no matter what he does you would still be there for him. This is the time when he stops being on his toes and starts taking you for granted.
He knows you are not going anywhere no matter what he does, he knows also, that even though his current contribution to the relationship is 5% only, you would still be there; he knows he does not have to do anything or work hard to keep you. In other words, he is not afraid to lose you. WHEN WE ARE NOT AFRAID TO LOSE SOMETHING, WE START TAKING THAT SOMETHING FOR GRANTED.
The only option for you here is 1) to start voicing out his missteps (you cannot be silent anymore!) and 2) asking to do all the romantic things he used to do in the beginning. You remember all of them and surely he does also, so ASK HIM! Tell him what you want, and make sure to point out that those little things, he used to do, make you very happy.
If he has feelings for you and appreciates the relationship, he will put on effort to deliver what his woman is asking of him. He is a goal oriented, problem solving male, remember? Tell him what you want and show him what you need, and then watch those male instincts kick in again in full gear, trying to please his female to make her happy AGAIN!
You may also like: Articles - Are you his mommy? and When he hurts your feelings or this e-Course His Secret Obsession (make him addicted to you!)
IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE HAD ENOUGH you may like my empowering eBook: When you are DESPERATE FOR HIS LOVE: how to leave your bad relationship without feeling like you are going against yourself