Should I wish my ex-wife a happy birthday?

Should I wish my ex-wife a happy birthday? - asks Thomas from Australia.

Due to many moving parts here, this is not a simple question to answer.

Let me ask you this: what are you looking to achieve by wishing your ex-wife a happy birthday?

Are you fishing for a second chance? Are you trying to come across as a ‘nice guy’?

Are you doing it because not acknowledging the day would make it look like you have moved on to greener pastures… and you would rather her not think like that because… once again, there is an ulterior motive of some sort on your end?

Come on, be honest with yourself. What is this? Why is it so important to YOU?

What do you think will happen if you do NOT wish your ex a happy birthday? Will she break up with you over it?… like it is not broken up already. Will her opinion of you change?... like it really matters at this point. It is over already! It is a done deal!

Some people say: “Oh, I just want to wish my ex a happy birthday. Yes, the relationship did not work out, but we are not enemies. She is a nice person and stuff, what’s the harm?”

Of course she is a nice person. Back then, when things were rosy and chocolaty you chose to marry her. Maybe she is still a nice person, but it does not mean that she wants what you want. That includes hearing from you, too.

Did you think how it might affect her and YOU? Here are the possible, very likely scenarios:

~ She is with somebody else. Her phone beeps and there you are – a ghost from the past wishing her a happy birthday. ”Ha – she thinks – he still honors my birthdays. He must have still not moved on. Poor thing” The end result for you? Pathetic.

~ She is still single, not dating anyone, but does not want to be with you. Her phone beeps and there you are, an undesirable and unwelcome message on her display. “I thought we are over. Why is he still bugging me?”

You see, when a woman does not want a man, she does not give a rat’s ass about his birthday wishes, Christmas wishes, ‘how are you doing’ questions, or anything else with your signature on it. She Does Not Care and she wants to be left alone. A lazy “thanks” is all you will hear in response. That’s the best case scenario.

~ Regardless of her current dating status, she may still have feelings for you and perhaps misses you dearly. In this case your Happy Birthday wish will be misinterpreted as something more.

Women in love tend to read between the lines A LOT. A simple message like that will be read as “I am using this Day as an excuse to contact you to let you know that I miss you a lot and that I have been thinking of you all this time and wondering if you feel the same. I want you back. Please give me a chance!”

Duh. The writing is on the wall. Every woman in love will see it as an official invitation.

Do you want her back? Are you ready for what may follow after that innocent ‘happy birthday’ wish? Think long and hard before giving the woman false hope.

Playing with somebody else’s feelings is not a nice thing to do. Her desperate response may feed your ego, but I do not believe for a moment you are some kind of a monster wishing somebody harm. Although unintentional, the hurt will be there. That wound is still healing and it still hurts. The last thing she needs is to hear from a man she loves, but cannot be with.

I say, leave her alone.

~ She hates you. Well, if you know she is angry with you and hates you like nothing else on this planet, then the response is clear: do not contact her.

Putting on a ‘nice guy’ act will not work. Why? Because it is too transparent. She already knows who you are. The damage has been done. A simple happy birthday wish won’t magically erase that damage.

To her you are a source of anger. It is a strong feeling that may take years to subside. Chronic anger does not disappear overnight.

Seriously, leave her alone. There is absolutely nothing to gain here.

Well – you say – then under what circumstances is it OK to wish my ex-wife a happy birthday??

Ideally, it is better not to bother your exes with anything. They are your past.

It is over and it should not matter. Really? Yes, really. Worrying about what does not matter implies that it still matters TO YOU. Again, ask yourself why.

I would think that if you are still in frequent contact with your ex because of children or some other business/property related issues, then it is OK to wish them a happy birthday. Under these circumstances, this wish won’t come across as too intruding or too aggressive. It won’t come across as too provoking or like some weird scheme is being cooked up.

If, however, you have not been in contact for a long time, stopped talking or talk once in a Blue Moon, then wishing her a happy birthday will have a very different meaning. Odds are not in your favor though. It will just look weird… or borderline creepy. And, deep down you know it too, right?

Of course you can shoot her a happy birthday message, but based on what we just talked about, be prepared for unpleasant results.

Don’t you have anything better to do than clinging to your ex sweating over her birthday day? Get yourself a new girlfriend and wish her a Happy Birthday instead!

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