If you feel discouraged and hopeless
After multiple failed relationships, bad experiences, painful heartbreaks and disappointments, how do you find courage and a will to keep moving forward nevertheless?
Where do you find encouragement to keep going, and where do you find hope to believe, that you are not the most unlucky person in the world, and there is still someone special out there for you? Should you give up or keep trying?
There are certainly many reasons why relationships fail, but the main one boils down to this - your compatibility with a man.
Solution of this problem is very easy and more importantly, in order to fix the issue you won't even have to 'change' yourself or do something that is out of your character. It is actually not about YOU per se, it is about your DOING SOMETHING WRONG.
This article will open your eyes on what you are doing wrong and will teach you how to take control over your destiny and stop feeling the way you do.
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Let's start with a silly example related to a simple task all ladies love - shopping. Let's say you need something (anything!) and you take a trip to a store. If this something is a dress you surely proceed to items in section of your size ONLY. You scan through shelves and target only items of your size, you try them on and if something fits and you like the item you proceed with the purchase. You are not looking to try other sizes on because you already know they are wrong ones for you and will not fit the way you want them to.
So, how can all this be related to dating? One major reason we never feel hopeless, upset, or heartbroken with shopping (versus dating) is that when it comes to shopping WE KNOW ALREADY WHAT WE ARE LOOKING FOR, WE KNOW WHAT WE WANT, and more importantly, WE KNOW HOW TO FIND IT.
You know your size, you know what colors you love, what the current fashion is and styles that fit you the best or the styles to avoid. You also know what brands you cannot stand, colors that make you look either too pale or washed out and the ones that make you look 'fresher and younger', you are aware of styles that are not terribly flattering to your figure and you know also (based on your experience) which fabric is soft and comfortable and which one is itchy and uncomfortable... Are you surprised how much you know about shopping??
All of the above knowledge surely makes shopping a delightful breeze... unlike dating. Even though men are not like a dress or shoes you could try on and in less than a minute decide 'meh' or 'wow', there is still a way to date that could produce desirable results FOR YOU in the shortest period possible without too much of your time wasted. More importantly, if you transfer your smart shopping skills into dating you may actually end up finding what you are looking for!
The first thing to understand here is that the reason for your feeling discouraged and hopeless is the result of you being stuck in a pattern. Admitting to the fact that you are doing something wrong is the first step to breaking the pattern.
Wrong decisions yield wrong results, correct and smart decisions yield positive and desirable results. There is something in YOUR behavior, thoughts, decision process or believes that stops you from getting these results.
Now, let's pause for a second and talk about RANDOM or AIMLESS SHOPPING. It has been my experience that all the items we buy randomly, without a thought, on a whim or just because we 'felt like it' at that particular moment
usually end up never being worn, worn only once, or somewhere deep in a closet.
That's when in the spring, when going through our stuff, we unexpectedly stumble upon the item, shake our heads and wonder: 'What the hell was I thinking? How could I buy SOMETHING LIKE THIS? It goes to Goodwill today, I don't even need it for free!'
Have you noticed something here?? These are exactly the same words many women say when breaking up with yet another jerk - 'What was I thinking?' or 'How could I...'
Now, you know why it happened - you got involved with a man (aka bought a dress), that was wrong for you (wrong dress size or ill-fitted), you had no idea who he was (unknown brand), nevertheless you invested your heart and emotions into the relationship (aka spent money on the dress), and because of such unwise decisions you ended up with a broken heart (aka less money in your wallet) and another failed relationship on your belt (aka a piece of junk in your closet you wish you NEVER BOUGHT).
So, when it comes to men and relationships, are you an 'aimless on a whim' shopper? Have you been wasting your time on junky relationships?
Think of all the junk in your closet you wish you never bought (aka failed relationships with wrong men for you), think of all the money you spent on it (aka time and emotions), and one good quality long lasting item you could buy instead (aka a happy long term relationship with a great man).
So, where do we go from here and what should we do to get the results we want?
The very first step I would recommend to ANYONE regardless of what they are looking for in a man or what type of a relationship they want is to make sure you are COMPATIBLE. To get along you need to be compatible on a psychological and emotional levels. If it sounds too scientific or complicated - let me reassure you that it is not. Once you know your own psychological type you will know what types of men (and people in general) are compatible with you!
With this being said I am inviting you to take this free 10 min test here 16personalities or read about it in my highly recommended article Personality types - brief MBTI overview
The next step, once you know your type, is to identify the types that are compatible with you. There is plenty of information about it on the web.
Once you know who you are and what types of men are compatible with you, identify (if any) your personal deal breakers: Is him having children from a previous marriage OK with you? Are you willing to relocate? Do you want to have (more) children?... What are your deal breakers?
From this point you may want get familiar with the article that will teach you how to identify his type within a couple of dates(!!) - Get to know him in just several dates! During this period try not to think of him as more than a random stranger. Do not think of the future and don't think of him as your future spouse.
You are in the process of identifying his type (aka trying a dress on), you are not committing to a relationship (aka not buying the dress YET) until you are positive that you are compatible (aka the dress fits the way you want it to), and you love the way he treats you. If all of the above fall into place, you will make the right purchase (aka getting involved with a compatible man), and the item will not end up in the closet you wish you never bought in the first place (aka the relationship will last for a long time).
The above proposed method is the fastest and the most reliable way to find a compatible partner for YOU. No need to spend months and months on dating someone only to get disappointed later.We do not have the luxury of the time, don't we ladies?
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Once you know these bits of information (their MBTI and yours) you can now move forward with discovering what your relationship with them would be like. It is almost like looking into a crystal ball foretelling what to expect!
You will know all the good and bad way ahead of time and will be able to decide whether you want to live with them or should start looking for a more compatible prospect. YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: Articles - Why online dating is such a disaster, If you feel sad about not having a boyfriend and this high quality e-Course Online Allure (how to attract quality men)