I have not heard from my ex for six months. Will he ever contact me? Should I contact him?
If after days, weeks, and months after a breakup we do not hear from our ex we may start wondering if they are gone for good or if something else is going on. Why have they been silent for so long? Are they playing the famous ‘no contact rule’ game and waiting in secret for us to contact them first? Will they ever contact us? Should we contact them??
We wonder what they are doing and whether they still have feelings for us too. We secretly want them to miss us and have regrets about the breakup.
It is true. When we have feelings for someone, we always wonder.
“What should I do – you ask - should I contact my ex after 6 months of silence?”
I believe in second chances. Yes, I do. But I also believe in not acting on our feelings and not being a pest.
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That unwanted invasive plant in your garden, remember? Imagine the feeling and frustration when it appears in your garden in the early spring… no matter the remedies applied. “Omg, again??! Gee, how do I get rid of it?”
Yep. You do not want to be an invasive plant in their garden of life. Imagine someone doing it to you. How would you feel?
A second chance means the last chance. You have only one shot here and that’s it. After that, you become a pest; an annoying, bothersome, and borderline mental pest. Or an invasive plant.
To play it cool the second time around here is what you should tell them:
“Hello. I have been thinking about you recently and I have second thoughts about
our breakup. I am wondering if you feel the same”
When we do not agree with the breakup we want them to feel the same. We refuse to believe that the love is gone. “If they loved me back then, then they can love me now too. The feeling is there, I know! It just needs to be revived”
We also do not understand how they could ‘just’ move on. “We had something very unique and special together. If it was important to them as much as it was important to me, then they would want it back too”
You send them that message (what to say to them as recommended above) and see what happens.
If you were right about all the above points, then they will happily respond. If, however, they won’t respond, then it means that… Well, you know what it means, don't you?
We sometimes project our thoughts and feelings onto another individual and act upon them.
It could be the sense of entitlement (how dare they forget me?), delusion (I know they love me too), or desperation (maybe this time around they will love me).
None of those thoughts are productive, as you can see. In fact, those are just thoughts, and they are your thoughts.
You have no idea what they are feeling or thinking.
What if they are in love with someone else?
What if they are engaged?
What if they have a new girlfriend?
What if they relocated to another part of the country?
They are not silent to ‘teach you a lesson’, they are not silent to make you miss them, and they are not playing games. The silence is the sign that they have moved on.
So, what’s the point of contacting them, you ask?
It is for your closure.
I do know that exes respond. They do respond, but not in the way we expect.
Reappearing ghosts from the past… aren’t they interesting? Wouldn’t you be curious about what they are up to?
Things change, people change, circumstances change. It is fun to talk to someone you used to be comfortable with, right?
Unless there is a solid plan in place, do not expect anything.
What worries me here is the imbalance of powers.
To them, it will be an ego boost “there is something special about me if she still remembers” and to you – a reopened wound.
The old memories will come rushing back, the old pain, anger, and disappointment. Talking to them again will be like reversing all the progress you have made when trying to move on. If nothing works out, you will have to start the process again. Again!
Are you prepared for this setback?
Contacting an ex after 6 months of silence is a very risky endeavor. In essence, you play Russian roulette here. Will they shut you down? How badly? Will they even respond? Will it be all about sex? How would you know?
You will not know unless some time passes; the time you could have spent cultivating a new relationship with someone new; the time you could have spent taking care of you, healing, and loving yourself more; the time you could have spent reflecting and figuring out why the relationship did not work out and what to pay attention to when searching for a new boyfriend.
So, ultimately you are making a choice between chasing after the failed relationship and focusing on you. You cannot do both. In your opinion, which choice makes more sense? Which path would be more rewarding and satisfying in the long run?
This is your life, your choice, and your decision. I hope everything will work out for you.
P.S. If you feel like you need to talk to someone because your situation is too unique and most of the stuff you read on the internet is too generic and not helpful, then I would personally like to recommend you this affordable online counseling service. You will not be disappointed.
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