Everyone Is Waiting for Him to Choose

You thought you were dating one man, which already seemed like quite enough, and then you discover there is another woman who seems to believe she is dating him too.

Well.

That does change the view.

Once the surprise settles, one question tends to rise above all the others: which one of you is he going to choose?

Because surely he has to choose eventually. Two relationships cannot simply continue side by side indefinitely while one man moves cheerfully between them, gathering affection in two directions and behaving as though this were merely an unusually pleasant way to spend a season.

But pull back a little, and the whole situation begins to resemble a marina with two boats tied to the same dock.

Each relationship has become its own little boat, offering him a different kind of trip whenever he climbs aboard.

Our gentleman, it turns out, has become unexpectedly accomplished at keeping both boats securely tied to the dock.

One Marina, Two Very Different Trips

One relationship may have the ease of a place he already knows by heart. He climbs aboard, and before long they are gliding past pale cliffs and quiet coves, conversation unfolding without much effort while dinner stretches pleasantly into evening. This is the relationship with history in it, where half a sentence can still make perfect sense and an old story can be brought back with one look across the table.

There is something very appealing about being known like that. He enjoys the scenery, settles into the rhythm of it and eventually sails back into the harbor, where that relationship is tied safely to the dock again.

Very chic.

Then his attention turns toward the other boat.

This one has a different sort of charm. Maybe it is the relationship reserved for getting away—a little more spontaneity, another harbor appearing over breakfast, drinks somewhere above the water, a hotel for a night or two where ordinary life has very thoughtfully stayed behind.

Also rather nice, as it happens.

One relationship comes with the beautiful view. The other, rather conveniently, offers the getaway.

Naturally, everyone is waiting for him to decide which one he prefers.

Meanwhile, Sir appears to be enjoying the entire marina.

Both Boats Keep Coming Back to the Dock

Keeping two relationships afloat requires a certain amount of sailing, but by now he seems to have found his rhythm. Every so often, one begins drifting a little too far from the dock, and back he goes with a lovely evening, a sudden burst of charm and just enough affection to make the whole thing look seaworthy again.

Of course, the other relationship cannot be left sitting at the dock forever, so before long his attention turns back in that direction.

From farther away, the movement is almost elegant. One boat heads out while the other waits in the harbor; there is a quiet afternoon over here, a seaside weekend over there, and somehow neither relationship is ever allowed to drift quite far enough away to disappear.

Look at him now. Two boats, two little calendars, every departure neatly spaced
and every return timed just before somebody starts asking difficult questions. In and out, in and out,
while the whole arrangement continues to sail along beautifully.
A complaint may occasionally reach the dock, of course,
but Sir has developed a marvelous ability to leave it sitting there
while he climbs aboard something more pleasant. He has no wish to ruin the view.

Three months can pass like this and both boats are still there. Give it six months and our gentleman could probably secure both of them with his eyes closed.

And while all this very accomplished sailing continues, you may still be waiting for the great decision, because surely this cannot go on forever. Maybe he really is confused. Maybe he needs time. Or maybe, as everyone keeps hoping, he is slowly discovering which relationship matters more.

Possibly.

But from the end of the dock, another possibility begins to look rather obvious.

What if he is not nearly as confused as everyone thinks?

From His Side of the Marina

We tend to imagine that having two relationships must be terribly uncomfortable for him because it would be terribly uncomfortable for us. So we picture him torn between them, carrying this enormous decision around everywhere, gazing thoughtfully across the water after another beautiful afternoon and wondering what on earth he is going to do.

Maybe.

He may also be sleeping beautifully.

Because each relationship gives him something the other does not. If he wants the ease of something familiar, he knows exactly which boat to climb into. Then, when a change of scenery starts sounding appealing, well, the other one is sitting right there in the harbor.

Choosing would mean giving one of them up. Not choosing means tomorrow morning both are still tied to the dock.

Giving one up, however, does seem to be the one part of sailing he has not mastered.

Well. You can see why he keeps needing more time.

And once you notice that, the whole question shifts. Instead of wondering which woman he will choose, you begin wondering why everyone assumes he is urgently trying to choose at all.

From his side of the marina, things seem to be going rather nicely.

He sails here, then there. One relationship offers comfort, the other a different horizon, and for a man caught in such a terrible romantic dilemma, he does keep returning from his voyages looking awfully refreshed.

One begins to suspect the crisis may be happening mostly on shore.

You may still feel as though you are waiting for his decision. From his side of the marina, however, very little appears to be missing.

Everyone is waiting for him to make a choice between two women.

He appears to have made one already: both.