He disappeared after several dates...
Have you ever met a guy you sort of liked, went on several dates and later on realized that you just did not feel like continuing to have a relationship with him?
I am pretty sure it happened to you at least once. Was there something that the poor rejected guy could do to make you (yes, YOU!) like HIM? I would assume your answer would be ‘No’. Once you are done with him in your head you are done.
He was nice to you and you were nice to him, you had great time together and you laughed at his jokes. That poor guy did nothing wrong except that you just did not feel like seeing him anymore.
You did not feel like returning his calls, you did not want to respond to his sms, you felt sorry for him, and all you wanted for him was to just QUIETLY disappear. You did not want to reject him directly, he was really a nice guy... but not for you.
Has this ever happened to you?
Now, back to your dilemma regarding him disappearing on you: in the paragraph above replace the word 'poor guy' with your name and you have your answer. Ouch.
What you should do:
Let him go. You cannot make him feel differently, you just can't. He feels the way he feels and you have no control over it. Moving on is the best thing you can do for yourself in this situation. He was not man enough to tell you the truth directly. And after all, do you even need to know the truth? Dating is not just about relationships, it is about being rejected as well.
If we are not ready to handle the reality of dating, we may let rejections affect our self-worth. Such unhealthy thinking becomes a stumbling block when searching for our Mr. Right. Taking rejections personally may shake our self-confidence and may result in our leaving the dating scene for an extended period of time. We do not want to miss out on something (or someone) amazing because of the fear of rejection.
How are you supposed to meet someone special without going through rejections anyway? You are not really expecting to hit the jack pot on your first date, are you? If you cannot stand being rejected then you will never meet anyone new. Avoidance of rejection = avoidance of a possibility of meeting your Mr. Right.
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What you should not do:
Do not remind him of your existence. Don't you have anything better to do than contacting someone who does not feel like seeing you? What can you possibly say to a man who has rejected you without looking pathetic or desperate? Are you really so desperate for a relationship that calling such a man and begging to meet seems OK with you?
Your calling him will not get you more winning points and surely won’t make you look more attractive in his eyes. Calling him is like knocking the door of a closed store - it will not open just because you want it to, it will remain closed and you will keep feeling rejected. The more you insist on calling someone who does not want you, the more rejected you will feel. And the longer you keep knocking that door, the angrier, unhappier, and frustrated you become.
At this point it will no longer be about that man, instead it will be about your inability to handle rejection properly, an inability to accept the reality, and not being able to respect his wish. I say ladies, do not call that man, he is not in a relationship with you.
A note of warning: If you do decide to call (i.e. chase) however, please understand that this relationship may not go anywhere. Since there are bad guys out there willing to take advantage of good desperate women, you may end up in a friends with benefits situation hoping it will turn into something more (but usually it never does). Be afraid, be very afraid of chasing after a man who rejected you.
Things to remember:
Please remember that no amount of deadlines at work, crazy exes, and God knows what else can make him forget a woman he likes. As a matter of fact, if he were this stressed with his daily routine, having such a wonderful woman like you would be like having a bright sunshine among a dark dreadful t-storm. Who in their right mind would refuse enjoying something like this??
People do not just throw away something they enjoy having, they would rather make a great deal of an effort to keep it. His issues with himself, his expectations regarding what he is looking for, his current emotional state, and his past baggage did not align well with the reality (you) so he made the decision to leave.
You do not want to waste your time dwelling on men who have rejected you. Step over these rejections and move forward with your dating life. No one said that dating is easy, but dating AND expecting to never be rejected is like living in a fantasy world where every lottery ticket we buy is a winning ticket.
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