TRACY REDMAN: What to consider when your mind is racing about an ex... What does my mind bring up? What is the focus of the memory? The reason it continues to return is because there is a lesson in that pain or situation—the situation desires you to learn the lesson of the pain to allow the pain to go away. Look for a pattern and a theme in your memory and ask the memory: “What does this mean, and what must I do?” Recognize thoughts are interactive; it is the connection between our body, mind, and soul. We need to integrate our relationship with our “self,” where we prioritize self-care above all else (O2 mask). This seems difficult, as we are often taught to “please others” to be seen as good. Sometimes we are in relationships where our partner may make us think we were wrong or to blame. Gaslighting starts, we begin to believe them, and incorporate that wrong belief into our own core beliefs.

TRACY REDMAN: Believe what you see, not what you hope. Actions are the truth.

TRACY REDMAN: YOU must be the starting GPS position. You are the only one you have to trust. You are the GATEKEEPER. When you meet someone, you already know who you are. In meeting people, they have to meet YOUR requirements—you do NOT have to meet theirs. YOU are deciding if it is a “Go, no-go solution.” If you are trying to get to know someone, you should already have an idea of who that might be, based on the type of guy you would like to share a sustainable relationship with. You ask evaluation questions to see if they make the grade. People spend more time researching refrigerators or washers/dryers than they do a spouse! Do yourself a favor: do your research now before it’s too late. It is important that you identify your needs and vulnerabilities, because many times people choose mates like they are food shopping hungry—they make poor choices because they have unmet needs or other vulnerabilities. You need to make sure you are reading the situation and not projecting your desires onto the person.

TRACY REDMAN: Listen with an open mind. They may see things you are missing because they care about you. However, the final decision must be yours.

TRACY REDMAN: Using healthy boundaries in conjunction with defining yourself by prioritizing self-care (GPS). You can’t give away what you don’t have; how can you truly care for others if you don’t first care for yourself? That manipulation... no wonder you might be feeling manipulated, because that is what people are doing to you. Yes, your heart is in the right place. You just need to ensure your gas tank is full so you can give the right care to others... better boundaries, better life.