Are you dating or in a relationship with an immature man-child?
Remember those days in a high school or in college when you knew you were not a child anymore. And, you probably can recall an instance or two from those days of some immature man-child in your class who was lagging behind in ‘development’.
Basically, even though he was almost 6 feet tall, his behavior and emotional responses were similar to those in 6th grade. Remember those immature men? Weren’t they silly?
That’s the challenge some women in high school face when looking for a boyfriend - lack of mature, grown up men. They assume this inconvenience is temporary.
Now, you may or may not know, but the real truth is, immature men-children do not just happen to be in high school or college. They are everywhere and they do not have to be 20 years old. I have personally met 45 and 55 years old immature men whose behavior was close to those in 6th grade.
In essence, most of the time, men-children never grow up. If they were, we wouldn’t be facing the dilemma we are facing now - a bunch of silly, immature, irresponsible men-children trapped in a grown up body.
If you are someone who has been around the block more than once, then spotting these men should not be that difficult. This is also true if you are a woman who has raised a son. The rest of the ladies who are lost or ‘unsure’ – may this article assist you on your crazy journey of dating. It is based on true experiences of women!
**SIGNS YOU ARE DATING OR IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH AN IMMATURE MAN-CHILD**
~ Think about reliability and dependability. Can you rely on a 10 years old to keep or follow up on their promises? Can you trust them with more complicated matters? “They are a child!”– you say. Of course, they are a child. That’s a very good and valid excuse not to expect much. I agree.
How about a man who is irresponsible, unreliable, and who is impossible to trust on anything because of his mood and forgetfulness or because ‘he was not meaning what he said’ at that time? What is the excuse now?
They are not responsible and have no problem with it. They are unable to understand how their irresponsible behavior affects other people’s lives. They do as they please, always in the moment, like there is no tomorrow or no people they ‘owe’ a decent follow up.
If you are involved with someone like this, then you may catch yourself acting like their mother who takes charge and takes care of everything. And the funny thing is? They do not mind it!!
In contrast, grown up and mature Real Men will not tolerate doting and mothering (should we say smothering?): “Sweetie, do not forget your doctor’s appointment is tomorrow. I put it on the calendar for you”, “Are you done working on A and B? No? What happened? Not feeling like doing it? Oh darn it, let me take care of it”, “I just filled out these forms for you. You may want to mail them today”.
No Real Mature Man will ever tolerate this! That’s just too humiliating, emasculating, oppressing and controlling. It is too motherly, you know. Watch out, he may even rebel!
~ This one is truly ridiculous, but you will be surprised how many grown immature men have the need to look ‘cool’. Omg! I feel jet-legged, cross-eyed, and disoriented already. Disoriented in time!
I have personally known one man-child who was in his 50s and was obsessed with ‘looking really cool’.
Looking ‘cool’ includes: driving a flashy car, wearing age inappropriate clothes, hanging out in a company of people 20 years younger, styling his hair in a certain way, dating ‘only models’, and other stuff that makes teenagers feel good about themselves.
He worries about status and what others think about him; is susceptible to peer pressure, follows fashion trends, and utilizes slang of a younger crowd when talking.
First sign to watch out for when dating – are they putting on a show? Are they trying to be ‘cool’ and a real show off? That cigar in their mouth and a new suit… Are they trying too hard to show off their (fake) wealth?
You see, a Real Man won’t have the need to show off like that. A Real Man with a large portfolio and a large estate in his name will keep it quiet.
~ A man-child won’t take care of his woman. He would rather a woman take care of him. They feel the most comfortable in a relationship with a Partner parent. And, because this is such a widespread issue, I even wrote an article about it! Click here to read more on Parent-Child relationships.
~ Take a note how he handles stress and adversaries. Mature people possess high level of endurance and well developed coping skills. Come on now, we all know how tough life can be. It is not always roses and chocolates, sometimes it is stress, disappointments, uncomfortable things that need to be done, setbacks, losses, and all the bunch of other craziness.
Mature people take a bull by the horns and deal with whatever happens next. And a man-child? What does he do when things are not to his liking?
He whines, retreats, gives up easily, avoids, complains, is afraid to make a decision, cries, blames others, hides, excuses himself, postpones, and procrastinates. You get the idea!
When dating, listen to what he says. Is he a courageous fighter in life or a wimpy sensitive dude who cannot stand the toughness of daily reality? You may like his sweet nature and stuff, but please keep in mind that once you are together you may have to take the lead when dealing with difficulties. Immature men cannot handle the pressure of life and the discomfort associated with it. You will have to be the stronger party in a relationship… if that’s what you are looking for.
~ A man-child is not as emotionally deep as a mature Real Man is. This one can be very frustrating. Ever tried to talk to or explain something to a man who was not getting it and never ever did even after 5 attempts of reasoning, yelling, and lecturing?
They do not think/feel the way we do. They will never understand the meaning of something more profound and sophisticated. It takes maturity to be aware and therefore to comprehend certain things.
That’s just like children. You cannot take a 10 years old to an opera and expect him to appreciate and fully comprehend the true beauty of art. Conversations about higher matters like intuition, feelings, love and the intricacies of it, tactfulness, thoughtfulness, consideration, diplomacy, mental state of mind, perception, respect of other peoples’ feelings, etc., will fall on their deaf ears.
A man-child is too much on the surface, is never deep and not very capable of understanding things on a profound level.
“I am crying and he does not even understand why! ” – is a real life example of a woman who dated a poorly behaving immature man who had no clue why she was so upset. The funny thing is, once dumped, these men still have no clue what they did wrong. Yeah, speaking about being dense. Duhh...
~ A man-child denies he is a man-child. In fact, he believes there is nothing wrong. As long as he believes that, there is no chance in hell he will take action to change his ways.
I honestly think that being immature is a permanent state of mind. However, those who admit to having a problem may put an effort into improving certain behaviors for the sake of succeeding in life. No matter how badly we are damaged, there is always room for improvement. Maybe a tiny one, but still.
Below are more signs of immature men. Just remember ladies, if in doubt, always ask yourself this: “Is this how a 6th grader would behave?”
~ Behaving inappropriately. You may worry about them doing something embarrassing in public
~ Playing computer games
~ Prefer to hang out with their buddies over spending a quality evening with you
~ Like to be ‘adventurous’. Think about sky diving, motorcycle racing or some other adrenaline filled reckless activities
~ Never feel wrong. Again, it takes self-awareness and a certain degree of maturity to fully assess and comprehend a situation AND THEN to admit to their own wrong doings
~ Like watching sports all the time
~ Overly attached to their mom (like staying in touch too often). As someone who has a mature grown up son I can testify from my own experience that this kind of attachment stops at around 12 years old. As a man keeps maturing, his level of attachment and dependency on his mommy diminishes GREATLY. He becomes his own, independent grown up man.
~ Speak poorly of your appearance or certain features. They may say you have a ‘big butt’ or your boobs are ‘too small’
~ Unable to maintain a long-term stable relationship. Have a rocky history with women which is littered with short term stints
~ Rather than bringing it up in the open assume passive-aggressive attitude. It would be up to you to figure out what that stinking mood of theirs is all about.
~ Lazy daters. Pizza, beer, and watching TV on the sofa is their dating style. They are not ‘deep’ enough to experience true quality time with a woman while walking in a park, for example
~ Joke when not appropriate. Ever tried to have a serious conversation about how you feel while they kept making jokes?? They would disregard how you feel and would not tell how they feel. Super frustrating!
~ They apologize a lot, I mean like all the time. Why? Because they mess up and screw up on a regular basis. They are just too immature to change to make things better
~ Have no goals in life
~ Hurt your feelings for no reason.
There is no way a relationship with an immature man-child can work. It is a lose-lose deal that should make you want to gag. Stop being a squirrel running on a spinning wheel trying to make the unworkable work. You are in a wrong relationship and the sooner you get out the better!
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