Are you being used? Find out here.
Because of ongoing sadness and a nagging feeling that something is wrong, have you ever taken a mental ‘inventory’ of that someone or something only to realize that you have probably been used by them all along?
The wolf in sheep’s clothes has probably been doing it for quite some time, or at least long enough for you to put on the breaks and finally realize what is happening.
Sometimes when we are being used it is quite obvious.
When they are after something they may not bother building a meaningful connection with you i.e. by pleasing or compromising. They may still do some pleasing and compromising, but only to a limited extend. That is, until they get what they need.
They may circle around like a vulture around its prey, nibbling, poking, and probing, assessing the situation. And, as you keep on giving they will keep on circling and taking.
In the end of this creepy charade, you will be the one who gets injured, destroyed and literally ‘eaten alive’.
That’s what users do. In the name of their own needs they destroy us emotionally and sometimes physically too.
In the end, it may take several cycles of them coming back and forth into our life for us to finally realize that we are being used.
But how about those times when we are not sure if we are being used? How can we know?
We cannot always know, especially if they possess the talents of a con artist.
They may smile at you and make it all look like you are benefiting from the relationship too, that you were actually ‘pre-selected’ from the rest and should be f-ing oh so grateful for such a generous gesture of theirs.
They may go on saying how everything is great and minimize or downright disregard your concerns because things are ‘working out so great’ (ahem, for them) and therefore, you being upset about it all does not make sense.
And now you may have self-doubts wondering why, despite their happy attitude and ‘efforts’, it still does not feel right. You wonder why they shut you down every time you want to talk about it, and why you shouldn't feel emotional about this whole thing… as if there is something wrong with you.
Here is your clue: if you are giving a lot and not getting enough in return, then you are being used.
Are you losing out on sincere intimacy, connection, respect, commitment, comfort, and love?
Are you waiting for these positive changes to take place soon? Well, if you are being used, then these changes WILL NEVER HAPPEN.
Please stop waiting and ask yourself this: of the many people he knows, why did he choose you? Why not his ex or somebody else?
What is it about you that made this relationship possible?
Users do not just roam around aimlessly. Instead, they know who to target. They sense when a woman gives off that “I am here for you no matter what” vibe.
It is especially true for broken relationships. Like dogs digging out buried bones, they dig out lovers from the past hoping for ‘continuation’. We both know what such relationships would be like AND how they would eventually END too.
Did they pick you because you were too trustful and saw the best in people? Is it because you could not say no? Is it because you tolerated everything silently for too long letting them believe they could continue indefinitely?
What was it about you that they felt like they could keep on taking advantage of?
No matter what the reason, the bottom line is that you gave them permission, you gave them the green light, and sadly, you allowed it to continue.
Realizing that we are being used is not always enough though. It is taking action, as a result of it, that is the most difficult and frightening part.
“I knew I was used. It was the breaking up part that was the most difficult. It took me another 4 years to gain a sense of self value to finally leave” – Melissa D.
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Realizing that you are being used is a very hurtful experience. Perhaps you trusted them, shared intimate thoughts, and even spent some quality time together. Perhaps they were confiding in you, which made you feel privileged by them exposing intimate parts of their life. Perhaps they kept saying how special you were and made you believe that there was the possibility of a future together.
“How could I be so lucky” – you thought. “My search is over. I think this is it. I found a man who sincerely cares about me and accepts me for who I am. When we are together it feels so natural! My long term patience has finally paid off and the search for The One is over”… yeah, until one day, when all hell broke loose and you realized that they were using you all along.
If it feels like you are being used, then you are being used. Good friendships and relationships do not produce this feeling.
If possible, you could try to cut off the supply and see what happens. It is also time to revise your boundaries because you have been clearly neglecting your own needs.
They won’t care about your needs or your sense of well-being. They only care about their own needs. From this point forward, you will have to take care of you.
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