He Is Very Fond of You, Especially When You Bring the Picnic

Being adored can be wonderfully confusing when you are also doing most of the work.

He is delighted to see you. He loves spending time with you, tells you how wonderful you are and settles very happily into your company. From where you are sitting, the man looks thoroughly pleased with how everything has turned out.

Naturally, this feels encouraging.

The slight complication is that you may have packed quite a lot of how everything turned out yourself.

Some relationships begin to look rather like a beautiful picnic this way. You choose the spot, spread the linen, bring the champagne, remember the glasses and somehow produce strawberries that look as though they have been individually interviewed for the occasion.

Then Sir appears, takes in the beautiful afternoon and is absolutely delighted. What a gorgeous spot. What incredible champagne. What would he do without you?

An excellent question.

Sir Has Brought His Appetite

At first, nobody minds that he has turned up empty-handed.

You like doing thoughtful things and he enjoys them. The sun is out, the afternoon is lovely, and it would seem rather joyless to start counting pastries simply because you happen to have brought all of them.

Besides, he is wonderfully appreciative.

The next time, you organize dinner because he has had a difficult week. Then something else comes up and you help with that too. His schedule is complicated, so you move yours around a little. He needs to talk, so you listen. He forgets something important, and somehow you remember it for him.

Without ever deciding to take on the role, you begin making his life softer around the edges.

Sir continues to be delighted, and why wouldn’t he? He likes this relationship very much. The blanket is already spread when he gets there.

After a while, something rather sneaky happens: his happiness begins to look a lot like devotion.

He is always pleased to see you.

Of course he is. You have brought lunch.

He calls when he needs comfort, appears when the evening promises to be lovely and becomes harder to locate when the basket needs carrying. Yet whenever he does appear, he is affectionate, charming and extremely complimentary about the champagne.

One hates to ignore such devotion.

The Picnic Has Become Surprisingly Elaborate

Somewhere along the way, the basket gets heavier.

By now, the strawberries have been joined by reassurance, patience, favors, introductions, second chances and the occasional rescue when something in his life wanders sideways.

Sir, meanwhile, has perfected his entrance.

Wonderful timing. Lovely smile. Empty hands.

There is affection, of course, along with kisses, charming messages and excellent conversation while he finishes the last pastry. And the funny part is that he does not need some secret plan to use you. He may simply have discovered that whenever he turns up, something lovely is waiting.

You solve things, smooth things over, make the plans and somehow find room for one more allowance.

Why question a miracle?

The trouble is that he really does enjoy being there. He praises the champagne you chilled, reaches happily for the strawberries you packed and tells you what a wonderful afternoon the two of you are having.

It can take a moment to notice that the “two of you” have not actually done very much together. You chose the spot, packed the basket, carried it there and spread the blanket, while Sir arrived empty-handed but tremendously impressed.

Madam Leaves the Basket at Home

Eventually, life interferes with the catering.

One day you are tired, busy or simply occupied with your own life, and you do not perform the usual little miracle. Nothing has been arranged, softened or made especially lovely before he gets there.

And suddenly, the blanket does not appear.

Sir, who has grown rather accustomed to finding romance beautifully prepared, may seem a little less enthusiastic about the occasion. What are we doing? Where are we going? Wasn’t there usually cheese?

Hmm.

You are still there, of course. What has disappeared is everything you normally provide around you.

And from a little distance, the change can be quite revealing. When the picnic was waiting, Sir was delighted. Once it is not, some of that delight may prove unexpectedly dependent on the picnic. Interesting....

Perhaps what looked like devotion to you was partly devotion to how easy and lovely you made his life feel. Leave the basket at home, and suddenly the distinction is much easier to see.

Sir may be wonderfully devoted to the picnic.

The real question is whether he would still come when all you bring is yourself.