Do your dates perceive you as being ‘negative’?
Do you know what the number one attraction killer for men is? It’s the NEGATIVITY. You may want to read more about this anonymous poll and its results. Negativity and all of its varieties (nasty attitude, rudeness, etc) are the most common reasons of why men lose interest in women.
Of course no one wants to be negative. We do not want to be negative and we do not want to date people with a nasty attitude either. But guess what? Many people ARE negative.
Are they trying to be like this on purpose? Is it intentional? And what about you? When you date someone new, do you think they perceive you as a mean and a negative person? They may never give you feedback and you may never know for sure.
Let me explain how it all happens.
When we start dating someone new or are entering a relationship with someone we are crazy about, it is only natural to feel that urge to SHARE everything with them. As a matter of fact, this kind of an urge can emerge as early as after 2-nd or a 3-rd date.
We feel connection, we feel like they ‘get’ us, we feel ‘understood’ and we feel WONDERFUL. We feel like they are the one we can talk to just about anything and we feel positive they won’t judge us.
It is a wonderful feeling to experience. The intensity of this feeling is magnified by the fact that (we think) we are alone and lonely most of our lives. It is so rare to have someone we could comfortably confide in, to talk about what bothers us, to share our inner fears, anxieties, worries, and thoughts. We want to be heard, understood, accepted (no matter what and no matter who we are), and loved unconditionally.
So, when we meet someone we have that ‘special connection’ with, we cannot help but let all hell break loose and begin SHARING. We talk about what bothers us, we share our fears and anxieties, we talk about our medical problems (along with unpleasant side effects), we share our inner suspicions about other people and/or events, we talk about our dramatic past and nasty exes, we go on and on about what they did to us and how betrayed it made us feel...
Yes, in essence, we begin confiding with a total stranger who may not even feel the way we do.
What make us so sure that they want to listen to all of that? What makes us so sure they will actually ‘get’ it and none of it will be taken against us?
Pouring it all out on them too soon will sure produce an effect, but it won’t be the one you are expecting. Over-sharing too soon will pull you further apart, not closer. They will see you as nothing but a negative full of anxiety person, as someone who is hyper-focused on bad and is unable to enjoy life. They may see you as someone with a ‘nasty attitude’ because believe it or not, those of us who have troubles of letting go and dwelling on the past do possess such attitudes.
In essence, your over-sharing will not come across as ‘just sharing’, it will come across as a bunch of a negative load shoved directly into their throats. Are they obligated to swallow it AND digest it as you expected them to??
Overdosing someone with so much depressing negativity in such a short period of time will result in them losing interest and disappearing on you F.A.S.T.
Here are some more examples of negative behaviors: being mean and rude, being depressed or feeling upset about anything and everything, being too pessimistic, and putting a negative spell on anything that happens in life.
These could stem from the fact that you are… not happy
with yourself. Are you in love with who you are? Does something bother you?
You see, when we are happy within ourselves we have no need:
~ to take it out on other people
~ to prove we are superior by being rude to a serving staff
~ to act meanly towards others because doing so makes us feel bad not better
I had a couple of friends like this. Getting to know them on more intimate level had revealed that one of them had long –term infertility issues and another was resenting the entire world because of her small paychecks. She had no college degree and was unable to make what she wanted to make. These women were unhappy deep inside and it showed.
I think, when we are unhappy about something and/or have that urge to share we need to be careful how we come across. We do not want to pour it onto others before they are ready and we do not want to spill our pain over onto them for the sake of relieving that pain. They are just another human and they are not there to be our therapist. They are dating you ‘to feel good’ and they want to enjoy the experience. Don’t you as well??
YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: Article - Why focusing on the FUTURE destroys your chances for that FUTURE or this helpful e-course Online Allure (how to attract quality men)