About being picky
Dating is certainly a selection process, but how badly do you need to be selective anyway? You do realize that there is no such a thing as a perfect man? All you need to do is to find that imperfect man that is perfect for YOU. To better understand how it works you may want to read the personality types article. Very much an eye opener and quite refreshing. It requires
some homework but it is oh so worth it, ladies! Back to being picky and why it leads to not finding anyone -
Here is something to think about:
~The harder you want to find someone, the pickier you become. This results in being alone for a long long time.
~The more anxiety and sensitivity you have about finding someone, the harder it is for you to see things clearly.
Let's take a look how it works in a real life situation. Let's say you are NOT crazy (read: not too picky) about flowers. So, you go to a store and casually buy a beautiful bouquet of flowers. It took maybe 3-5 minutes for you to pick the bouquet. You are happy with your selection and you love the bouquet.
Now, let's pretend you ARE crazy (read: too picky) about
flowers. Now, you are in a store and here it is - a large selection of colors, shapes, and designs. Suddenly the process becomes a bit more complicated - since you prefer a certain color, AND shape, AND type, AND price, AND size, AND design style, AND hidden meaning behind each flower, selecting a bouquet becomes a more difficult and tedious task. You want to buy a perfect bouquet and therefore, you want all these ingredients to be there. Of course, there is very little chance of this happening, and the pickier and choosier you are, the harder it is for you. In the end, you may decide that perhaps you better visit some other store and hopefully it has what you are looking for. And then the process continues... endlessly. This is because we are the most critical of things that matter to us the most.
The described above example clearly demonstrates how dangerous and unproductive pickiness can be. If you are relaxed and content, you make your selection and go along with your life. If you are NOT relaxed (because making a right choice is paramount to you), the selection process becomes an unpleasant and tedious task. No wonder being picky leads to never finding anyone and being alone. You are not just picky, you have high requirements, unrealistic standards and expectations towards another human being. Would you like to be measured by these exact standards?
Being picky and selective is not a bad thing... provided it yields good results. But if you claim to being picky and have been lonely for a long period of time, there is something that needs to be done to break this pattern. Would you agree?
So, with all this being said, here is the solution for those who are picky but sick and tired of never finding anyone: if you date within your league and still cannot find anyone suitable, you need to relax your standards and start looking for a platonic 'just being friends' situation.
Forget about dating and falling in love for now. You are NOT ready. Friends first - Lovers second - is the only way to break this pattern. Why? Because looking for just a friend
will automatically lower your exaggerated standards and expectations to a healthier, more reasonable level. Looking for just a friend will make you less choosy, less critical, more relaxed, and a reasonably objective person. And, by the way, you have nothing to lose here! According to a statistical poll 20% of women leaving the marriage license bureau stated that they did not even like their husbands when they first met - BOOK: (UK - click here) Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others: The Fascinating Research That Can Land You the Husband of Your Dreams They kept dating their male - friends (aka future husbands) until one day magic happened and they fell in love.
Chemistry is an interesting thing, it may kick in or may not kick in for you, and if you don't land a husband, you may just end up with a good male - friend! A helpful hint: to make it easier - select only those who express active interest in you. With these types of guys everything should go easier and with little to no effort on your part.