When your ex comes crawling back stating he has changed should you believe him?

‘Knock-Knock-Knock. Hello darling, it is me. I am a New Man now. Would you please take me back?’

Yeah-yeah-yeah, we've heard it all before, haven’t we ladies?

As they try to barge back into your life hoping you are still as forgiving as you have always been, they will go into overdrive blaming themselves and talking about the future.

They will go on and on how stupid they were to let such a woman like you slip through their fingers, how terrible they feel now, how their life has changed for the worse, what an idiot they were, how the breakup got them thinking, and how great you were together.

Then if they see you are still not convinced enough they will throw a ‘happy future’ card and blab about why you should accept it since they are your only chance to make beautiful things happen. They are so darn sure you will buy into their monologue and bite the bait.

If it has been 3 months or even longer and your ex comes crawling back claiming he has changed should you believe him?

I do not believe for a moment that people can change this fast. In order for someone to change they have to be willing to change and do something about it. It is not that easy for a human being to change. Most of the time changing someone requires a lot of self-work + numerous sessions with a therapist.

The decision to change is an incredible commitment. It is a long term commitment with not always guaranteed results.

Therapists and psychoanalysts have an ability to give us perspective and to understand ourselves better. They also guide us on how to do certain things differently which does not always feel comfortable. Yes, they force us out of our familiar, cozy, but unfortunately sometimes destructive and unhealthy comfort zone(s). Changing ourselves is a lot of hard work. It is a difficult and uncomfortable work. It is not for everyone.

Something has to happen in one’s life to decide to change. Plus, there has to be a commitment and drive to follow through with such a decision.

So, when your ex comes crawling back 3 months later stating he has changed and is ‘a New Man’ now, how much of it do you think is true?

They may think they have changed but it is not true. They believe it because they are in the moment. It is like when you are between life and death and are forced to make a crucial decision to survive. You may promise and over-promise, feel guilty and remorseful, may cry and swear to NEVER (insert your wrong doings here) etc… until the threat is gone. Once it is gone and things are back to normal, you are back to your old non-perfect, familiar self.

When your ex comes crawling back he is in a panic mode. You know now what it is like. It is life and death to him. He literally is out of control and cannot stand it. He just wants your ‘yes’ so he can revert back to the same old non-perfect jerk that he was before. That’s because it's who he is. And has always been. He has not changed.

Ask him what exactly he did to change. I mean, seriously, ask him. Give him a chance to explain. Is he aware of his problems? Is he aware what caused you pain? How exactly did he tackle his problems and what was done to fix them? What is going to be different this time?

Assess how much time has passed and whether his claims of becoming ‘A New Man’ make sense. As I have mentioned previously, no one can change that fast.

As we do change, however, we become a different person. We think differently and do things differently as well. One crucial part of change is to stop repeating mistakes we did in a past. Reverting to our old ways is equal to making the same mistakes. Once we are a new person we make a conscious choice to stay away from certain situations and people that were wrong for us. That includes previous dysfunctional relationships.

So, if they come crawling back stating they have changed it means that they HAVE NOT. If they were a different person indeed they would not be turning themselves into a pretzel trying to get their old dysfunctional relationship back. See what I am saying here??

Before you take them back, you may want to make sure they did indeed put an effort into fixing their issues. As the famous saying goes: fool me once shame on you, fool me twice – shame on me.

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: Articles - The call from your ex and When he comes back AGAIN or this quality e-course Online Allure (how to attract quality men online)