That random text message from a man… Does it mean something?

Have you ever panicked over a random text from a man you are not in a relationship with, sort of in a relationship, or used to be in a relationship? “OMG - you panicked - what should I say? I'd better call all my girlfriends, my sister, my trusted-coworker, and maybe my former counselor to figure out what it all means”

Then you probably spent a great deal of time and emotional energy analyzing their motive and intentions feeling ‘significant’ in the process because a man contacted you.

Does it sound familiar? No need to be embarrassed ladies, we all do this. I call the described above ‘pure classic’.

Well, the truth is that it was just a text. How exactly is it more than that??

~ Hey, I was just thinking of you

~ I have been wondering how you are doing

~ Happy New Year!

It is certainly not ‘I love you’ or ‘I am so sorry I hurt you the other day, let’s talk’, or ‘Be my girlfriend’

These are the meaningless, random text messages from a man that should be treated with an equal if not lesser level of energy and enthusiasm. And, what do we do instead? We:

~ imagine scenarios of them coming back or proposing

~ assume things will finally move forward because they have finally realized something

~ may go as far as canceling our current plans in case an invitation is coming. We want to be ready and available.

~ invite them over

~ pouring out our bottled-up feelings

~ explode in anger and say everything we think of them

~ start a fight

~ hope there is a future

~ start calling them wanting to talk some more

Again, how in the world does it all make sense? It makes no sense at all. Now, just imagine if that ‘Happy New Year’ text message was a group text message or ‘I am thinking of you’ was sent in error?

The best response to this kind of lazy style of communication is to be lazy yourself. Examples of responses: ‘Thank you’ or ‘Happy New Year to you too’ or better yet – not to respond at all.

Not responding at all works in cases where there is no real relationship going on. As a test, remove text messaging from your communication and see what else is left. What else is happening between you two besides text messaging?

Are they going out of their way to schedule a date? Are they checking out on you to see how you feel? Are they being respectful? Are they offering something else besides text messages for you to enjoy? Are there some sort of meaningful conversations happening between you two? Maybe they drive across the town to see you every time when it is convenient for you?

None of that, huh?

That’s because when it is just a text, it is indeed just a text. Nothing more. There is no hidden meaning behind it. They are not that twisted to send  mentally encrypted messages hoping you will figure out some intricate meaning behind it. Like you are supposed to read between lines or be some sort of a spy working for a government.

“Oh gosh, I am so in love with this woman! I want to marry her, but do not know how to bring it up. Maybe if I send her a ‘Happy New Year’ text message she will understand”

“I was just thinking of you” is a nice text to receive, but since there was nothing else offered to move the relationship forward, it means only that. If they wanted more they would have offered more, believe me! At this time, they are happy with the way things are. And it includes thinking about you, too. Big deal…

Those are random, meaningless, simple text messages that should not be interpreted as something more. If there was something more to such a simple text message, then all the guys would need to do to get a woman into a relationship and sleep with them is to send one like that. Would THAT work for you? Would that feel like a full fledged quality relationship ?

Unless there is an obvious intent of something more happening, random text messages from murky people mean nothing.

The worst thing you could do to yourself in this situation is to believe that there is something else going on. I knew a woman who put her entire dating life on hold for months just to see how this weird scenario with one text message per month would play out.

I also knew those who lived off the random text messages dreaming of a possible future with the guy. Needless to say, quite often those messages were about quick last minute meets up, because they were oh so busy to arrange things in advance. That is not a relationship!

It takes very little effort to send a text message. Unlike with face to face communication, where facial expressions and tone of voice reveal a lot about the person and their attitude, which ultimately makes it easier for us to read them, text messages have huge room for misinterpretations.

There is no way for us to see what tone of voice it was said with, how it was said, and what their eyes were like. We, on the other hand, fill up all the blanks and assume too much: “Maybe he is dying of passion, but is unable to express it... I can now see it in his text message. I can feel it!... I want him to know I feel the same. Maybe if I make it easy for him he will open up”

If you want to be in a real relationship with a real man, then you may want to ditch this fantasy relationship or at least downgrade its significance. They will always text you. It happens to all of us. It happens all the time! There will always be those who pop back in and out of our life... just do not make a big deal of it.

On a positive note, would you like to turn things around between you and that man using simple text messages? There is a program called ‘Text Chemistry’ which was designed specifically for women and was written by a popular relationship coach from Canada – Amy North. She is also a regular contributor to different online publications and various journals.

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