Online dating: are you expecting to hit the jack pot right away?
Do you see online dating as some sort of magic Wonderland where all you have to do to find The One is to swipe your credit card (aka to wave the wand) and click several buttons?
Wow, I wish it was that easy. And quick. And pain free.
It has been my observation that some people see online dating as a tool to find what they are looking for (which is true) in the shortest time frame possible (which is not true).
Seriously, wouldn’t it be great to join a dating website and find true love the very next day after a breakup? Wouldn’t it be great to find exactly what we are looking for every time we go online? I mean, wouldn’t be great??
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There are a lot of people online and every one of them is searching for something. You cannot know what that ‘something’ is and what it is all about, BUT you cannot, and should not, assume that they are all looking for the same thing that you are.
Here is why you should be cautious: although we expect it to be, online dating is NOT traditional dating. What it means is that back then, before the Internet, those who were looking to meet someone special had to put an effort into it. It was almost like ‘if you do not hunt you do not eat’.
They were taking time in their busy day to schedule and meet another person. Their attitude was different too - they had no idea when their next potential match would show up and so they were appreciative of their date. Getting a date back then required work. When we put an effort into something we value and appreciate it more.
And, what happens now? With a click of a button we gain access to thousands of profiles. We feel empowered, excited, and hopeful. Gee, we could have a date every freaking day with a new person... if we wanted to. I mean, every day! You may not even think this way, but many people do.
Back then, in the old days, such a thing was impossible and simply unimaginable. Back then, if you had lots of men wanting to meet you every day it would feel alarming – ‘are they all decent guys looking to get married? ALL OF THEM? Something is fishy here, it cannot be possible’. And you would be right.
So….. how come you expect something different from online dating? Do you truly believe that every profile you see is seeking for commitment??
In my opinion online dating is 100 times worse than traditional dating. It all boils down to ‘quality’ of potential candidates and how ‘easy’ it is to meet. If you think for a moment how easy it is to join a dating website, then you will immediately realize what kind of ‘goods’ you will be dealing with. What I am trying to say here is that yes, online dating is a great tool to meet someone new, but unfortunately, it is being used and abused by way too many people with personal and malicious agendas.
Here are the confessions demonstrating this:
~ I joined a dating website to make myself feel better after a breakup. Once I felt better I deleted my profile
~ I love my girlfriend but at times, when things get boring, I go online to see what else is out there. I am in no way planning on leaving my girlfriend
~ I feel unhappy in my current relationship, things are complicated and I hope to find someone who is ‘understanding’ of my situation
~ We just broke up and I feel lonely and sexually frustrated. I need someone to spend time with…
~ I do not want anything serious at this time, but I have needs
Dating websites these days should not be called ‘dating websites’. They are not really ‘dating’ websites. They are websites that contain a large number of people with emotional and/or relationship issues looking for a fix. They are basically looking to use someone to make things feel better for themselves. And, of course, the heck with another person and their feelings.
Now, I am not trying to be negative here and say that online dating does not work. It does! It does work, but unlike with traditional old fashioned dating, it is more complicated.
~ a thick skin (to deal with the modern epidemic of ghosting)
~ patience (to weed out through those who are not looking for commitment, but lie that they are)
~ vigilance (to not get coned by a man looking just for sex)
~ intuition (to know they are truly looking to be with YOU and not just to get something out from you)
Somehow we think that once we've paid our hard earned money to join a dating website, we are entitled to get what we want. When it does not happen we feel pissed, disappointed, and frustrated – ‘how come out of all the gazillion of profiles, I have not met anyone special? Is there something wrong with me? With them?’
That’s because of all the reasons mentioned above! Since most of the profiles are not suitable for you (aka bad ‘goods’), you cannot really use word ‘gazillion’. I would say, maybe a dozen. And, it takes a lot of time, patience, vigilance, and intuition to go through that ‘gazillion of profiles’ to find your ‘dozen of profiles’ to make something happen.
Is it hard? Yes, it is. Online dating is much harder (and more cruel) than traditional dating, but with the right mindset and attitude you can still succeed. I think, at this point, after reading this article, you should feel and think differently already; and it is a good thing!