First dates – how to not blow it

First dates - how not to blow it

Once you meet someone special the least thing you want to happen is for them to disappear. With that being said, would you like to increase your chances of them calling you back?  Would you like them to invite you on a second - third - fifth date?

Although, we cannot control what other people feel (about us) we do have control over the emotional experience of those people. Imagine having two different dates with two different gentlemen:

Date with a gentleman #1: Overall he was a nice guy. Everything seemed nice until after about 5 min into your conversation he started talking about problems with his dog. Of course it made you feel sorry for him... and his dog... such a poor guy.

After that he proceeded to ramble about issues with his job, his nasty boss, and sneaky co-workers... you know, it's as if you were reading someone else's depressing diary or watching a disturbing Halloween movie. By the end of the day you knew what his health issues are, what he thinks about unfair government, greedy exes, crashing stock market, horrible weather, and high gas prices. Fast forward towards the end of the date: overall he was nice, BUT why such a bad taste in your mouth?

You were feeling so uplifted before the date and after it you felt down. Is this what you put your lovely outfit on for - to listen to some stranger's negative talk? Would you look forward to a date #2 to hear more of that AGAIN??

Date with a gentleman #2: Nothing was really special about this guy (at first) but oh my, later on you had to pull out a mirror from your purse to wipe out that running makeup. You were crying - crying from laughing! Such a delightful, cheerful gentleman! You talked about everything under the Moon - travel and exciting places to visit, food and delicious recipes, funny things that happened at work. His energy, his enthusiasm, his smiles, his jokes, his compliments, and overall positive attitude left you feel happy and energized. Wow!

And now, let's imagine it is a Friday night and you have invitations from both gentlemen. WHO WOULD YOU RATHER SAY 'YES' TO?

So, for those of you, ladies, who still have no idea where I am going with this, here is the truth: our emotional experience with a date will determine whether we would like to see that date again.

I had to exaggerate the above two examples to make my point crystal clear: on your first dates please avoid at all costs to come across as a negative, depressive, sad, and b*tchy person. It is very unattractive and a major turn off. I can guarantee you, that if you behave like that man in example #1, you will not be called for a second date.

Men see dating as FUN. Listening to complains, doom-and-gloom stories, problems, and nagging is not fun. Why would you want to overwhelm a complete stranger with so much personal detail anyway? It is just a date, not a therapy session!

Overall, it applies to both genders and to all life situations. No one wants to feel like a receptor of emotional garbage, it is draining and it is tiring. You can do it up to a certain point until people start avoiding you. Let the relationship develop before introducing your problems and drama. Work on building a positive emotional experience. Stay light and positive. It will pay off big time! As an old saying goes: we may forget what they said, we may forget what they did, but we will never forget how they made us feel.

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: Articles - Do your dates perceive you as being 'negative'? and Online dating - how to find a boyfriend or this very insightful, good quality e-Course Why He Disappeared