You Only Meant to Say No and Somehow He Got a Gift Basket

You have decided not to see him again, which is hardly an extraordinary event. People manage it every day.

Then you remember that you actually have to tell him.

Oh.

Suddenly, “I don't think this is going anywhere” seems terribly bare. You cannot possibly hand that to a perfectly nice man just as it is, so you start adding things around it: a compliment, a little reassurance, something lovely about him, something about the timing.

No actual wicker is involved, obviously. But gather all those soft little extras together and you have yourself a rather impressive imaginary farewell gift basket.

Maybe a ribbon.

And once you see it that way, things get out of hand remarkably quickly.

Nobody Intended to Make a Basket

It starts modestly enough.

“You're such a great guy.”

Lovely. Pop that in.

Then comes, “I've had such a nice time with you,” which is true as well, so naturally that gets some tissue paper. One kind sentence becomes another, and before long the basket is looking strangely lovely for something that contains a rejection.

Naturally, you keep going. You do not want him thinking he did something wrong, so you add that. You do not want him thinking you disliked him, so in goes another compliment. You certainly do not want him questioning his entire romantic future because you went to dinner four times and decided the spark had taken an extended vacation.

Now we need a bow.

The gentler you try to make it, the fancier the basket gets. He is kind, funny, handsome, and someone is going to be very lucky.

By now even you are looking at the basket thinking, hang on. You only meant to say no, and somehow you are halfway through nominating him for an award.

Then You Have to Give Him the Goodbye

Eventually, of course, you have to say all of this to him, which is the moment the imaginary basket finally changes hands.

He starts unpacking it.

First, he discovers that you think he is wonderful, attractive, thoughtful and destined to make some fortunate woman very happy.

Wonderful news.

He keeps going. Surely somewhere underneath all that admiration is the part where you do not want another date.

Instead, there is more.

“The timing is just…”

Ah. A candle.

“I have so much happening right now…”

Oh, look. A little jar of honey too.

“It really isn't you…”

Good heavens. Bath salts.

By now, what began as one simple no has fragrance, sweetness and enough comfort items to suggest the man may be checking into a spa.

And this is where the problem finally becomes visible: he has opened half the basket and still has no idea where any of this is going. For all he knows, things are going rather well.

By then, confusion can hardly be blamed for making itself comfortable.

Someone Should Probably Find the No

At this point, even you can see what has happened. You packed the goodbye so beautifully that the goodbye itself has gone missing.

So you reach past the compliments, the unfortunate timing, the candle and those completely unnecessary bath salts and finally give him the one thing he actually needs to understand.

You liked him. You think he is lovely. You do not want to keep dating him.

Ah.

There it is.

And now he gets it too.

Nothing else has to be thrown away. The compliments were true, the kindness was real, and naturally the ribbon can stay. We have standards.

And when the conversation ends, he knows what the basket was meant to contain—not a goodbye wrapped so beautifully that it starts looking like maybe, but a kind farewell.