Letting him down gently

If you have been dating this nice gentleman for several weeks and have come to the realization that you do not want to see him anymore, how do you let him down gently, possibly without hurting his feelings?

It is not going to be easy ladies, because the guy you are dating, no matter how you sugar coat your ‘breakup’ speech, is still going to feel hurt. With this being said, it does not mean you should continue dating him against your own will just to spare his feelings.

To let him down gently you will need to give him a reason that does not and should not imply anything else (aka giving him hope) but your firm decision to leave.

If you say, for example: ‘I cannot date you right now, my life is hectic’, then here is what he will hear: ‘Once my life is not hectic anymore I might be able to date you again’.

If you say: ‘You deserve to date someone better than me’ then he will jump to the conclusion that you are demeaning yourself and will try to prove you are wrong. Remember, ladies, he is blinded by his liking you and therefore you cannot tell him how he is supposed to feel, he knows it already!

If you say: ‘Let‘s just be friends’ then he will surely use his creativity and imagination to weasel his way back into becoming your boyfriend again. And you do not want him to be your boyfriend, do you? Then stop stringing him along with these wishy-washy excuses and say it as it is: ‘I do not feel any chemistry and I am not interested in pursuing this relationship further’.

The next time he calls to meet, just say these words and be DONE. In my experience, in 9 times out of 10 he will disappear. The remaining 1 time, he may make an attempt to contact you weeks or months later, asking if you have changed your mind and would like to try again.

You owe him the truth. Think about it: he was the one who put his foot forward and risked being rejected by inviting you on a date. He made an effort to make sure you enjoyed the dates and put on the best behavior to earn your affections. While making an effort to clear his busy calendar to spend time with you, he also invested emotionally, mentally, and I’m sure financially as well. He has been through this drill with other women before and therefore knows now how demanding, fussy, and finicky ladies can be so, HE TRIED HIS BEST TO PLEASE YOU. So, after going through all this hassle of dating you the only thing you can do FOR HIM now is to let him know how you feel and end the dating relationship.

After letting him know that it is over, then and only then can you disappear and stop answering his calls. After stating your mind you owe him nothing and his feelings should not be any of your concern.

Not sure what your dumping style is, but from my experience I can tell you that men are usually eternally grateful for such directness and honesty. I used the word ‘usually’ because sometimes things do not go as smoothly and some wounded by rejection men may lash back at you with insults and accusations. Apparently, they do not understand the concept of dating and take rejections very personally. These are insecure men who tie their own self-worth to what others ‘think about them’.

Being honest and direct will result in a clean break and will help you to move on right away. Should you choose the chicken way out i.e. the disappearing act, imagine what you would have to go through. There is nothing worse than being stuck in a situation where you are done with a man who has no idea that you are actually done.

He will surely call you again, and if so, what are you going to say? Will you pick up the phone or let it go to your voicemail? Will you lie about being busy or pretend like that call never went through? What if he tracks you down just for the sake of making sure you are OK??

I say ladies, a clean and respectful break is the best thing to do. Tell him as it is and move on with your life. NEXT: Related article - Are you ready to date?