Is a friends with benefits relationship right for you?

I think, that your personal love life, and what you do with it is nobody's business. You are also free to make your own choices, and make your own decisions as long as you feel like it is going to work out for you.

There are times, however, when you feel like you need wise input to make that right choice. That’s when you turn to friends, online forums, books, and various blogs discussing that particular issue in detail.

Sometimes, it is just your own morbid curiosity to see and compare your own feelings to those, who are going through the exact same thing you are currently dealing with – ‘Are they feeling the way I feel?’, ‘Am I the only one who feels this way?’, ‘How did it work out? Was there a happy ending, and if so, how did they manage to get there?’

Let’s talk about the friends with benefits (FWB) relationships, and take a closer look whether this kind of a relationship is for you.

One more note before we begin: if you have to ask yourself whether you should do it or not, then the answer is probably not. Why? Because this is how human nature works: when we want something we just go after it!

When you see a purse in a store you really love, or a delicious dish on the menu you would like to order, would you REALLY be calling your friends asking what you should do?? Of course not! You are going to do what you want to do, and you feel like there is no need to consult with anyone. It is when something seems off to us that we start looking for guidance and answers. Back to the original question about the FWB relationship – if your gut tells you no, then do not do it. No need to know the exact reasons, just listen to your gut.

FWB is a relationship that happens ‘behind closed doors’ only. There ARE happy FWB relationships, and there are unhappy ones. It really all depends on the two people involved, and this article will help you to see what side of the statistics you will fall into, should you choose to go down this path.

So, is the FWB right for you?

The friends with benefits relationship is for you IF YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY OK with the following:

~ You do not mind him never contacting or almost never contacting you in between your meetings. The only reason he will be contacting you is to meet.

~ He forgets or never remembers your birthday, so there will never be anything special from him on this day.

~ Same goes for other big days like Christmas, New Year or a Valentine’s Day. You may get a short ‘Happy Valentine’s Day’ message, and that’s will be it. He will not be spending these days with you, and you will never know where he is or who he is with.

~ Since he is not in a girlfriend - boyfriend relationship, he will be posting himself on dating websites and talking to other women. He thinks he has a right to feel happy, and if having a woman he loves is what he wants, then he will do just that – will keep searching for that woman.

~ To avoid emotional drama and keep your intimate services going, he may make an attempt to hide his whereabouts. It is then, that your friends, who will be delivering ‘the news’ about seeing him with ‘some woman’ at a bar or in a Victoria’s Secret department store of your favorite shopping mall. You may have no idea what all that means, but you also know that you have no right to ask because you are not his girlfriend.

~ You will not be invited to HIS birthday, and will be discouraged from an attempt to do something special for him (on his birthday). This is intentional on his part, and the article Why FWB does not always turn into a boyfriend - girlfriend relationship explains why.

~ Whatever happens in his life will remain or almost remain a total enigma. He is busy-busy-busy... until it is time to meet, WHEN HE FEELS LIKE IT.

The list could go on, but I think at this point you get an idea of what these relationships are like.

If you know of someone who insists on being FWB, and in addition to this having time together outside of the bedroom, enjoying lunches and dinners together, various outings and so on, then they are not in a FWB relationship, they are in a girlfriend - boyfriend relationship but just do not want to admit it.

The FWB relationship will work for you if you feel OK and are going to be OK with the above list of descriptions.

If you are not OK with the above list, but wonder how other women can pull off something like this, then here are some of the most common reasons:

~ She is either hyper-focused on something or super busy with something (for example: career, studying).
~ She considers him below her league (for example: she is a college educated director in some reputable company, and he is just a hired contractor who painted her office).
~ She is already in a relationship, and treats this other guy as something casual on the side.

In these instances she couldn't care less whether he called her or not, whether he remembered her birthday or sent a ‘Happy New Year’ message. She is so preoccupied with her own life, that receiving all those things from him are neither important nor expected. THE REASON FOR THIS IS THAT HE IS NOT HER PRIMARY FOCUS AND SHE HAS NO EXPECTATIONS. He is the # 10 on her priorities list… or perhaps # 100. Her life is already fulfilled and the relationship with him represents only 5 % of it. It may be hard to believe, but there are women like this.

Again, if you feel like the desire to see him will turn into emotional obsessions, it's better not to start this whole thing and do not let him convince you otherwise. He may say it will be fun, and oh sure it will be – for him. But it will be a disaster for YOU.

Now, let's take a closer look to find out why these FWB do not always turn into boyfriend – girlfriend relationships.

NEXT ARTICLE - Why FWB does not always turn into a boyfriend - girlfriend relationship

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