When you chat or flirt with someone new, it is natural to feel anxious, insecure, curious, hopeful, and perhaps a myriad of many other feelings too, but having all those feelings does not mean, however, you have to act upon them or cross healthy boundaries.
If only people could stop making these ridiculous flirting mistakes, there would be less first-last dates on this planet. But many ladies (and gentlemen too) will continue doing them, and then wondering what it is that they are doing that scares their object of interest afterwards.
Do not sabotage and ruin your chances with someone by making these common flirting mistakes (and major turn-offs too)!
~ Showering him with compliments
One compliment or two is fine, but showering him with compliments will make him uncomfortable and make you come across as insincere, cheesy, and fake.
Compliments are better received when they are TARGETED, and the only way to give a targeted, meaningful compliment to someone is when you know that someone very well, or at least well enough to make such a compliment.
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That way, when you compliment them on something you KNOW they are outstanding at, the compliment will have its weight and a meaning. Showering a stranger, you know nothing about, with compliments is ridiculous and unwise. How are you supposed to build trust with a stranger by acting fake yourself?
~ Acting too familiar
Since you do not know the person and do not know their style, they may not appreciate you dropping all the formality and becoming a bit too familiar than you should. Giving him hugs, calling him ‘Danny’ instead of ‘Daniel’ versus being on a reserved side may not be perceived by him very well. Some people, especially extroverts, do not mind being too familiar and friendly right away, but since you know nothing about the person in front of you, erring on the reserved side is a much safer approach.
~ Touching or standing too close
When in a store or some other public place, you would not appreciate some stranger standing too close, or God forbid, touching you. Such behavior would come across as creepy and weird. When you flirt with a person you know nothing about, do not assume they will enjoy your octopus like behavior – you being too close and touching them all over the place. You do not know his boundaries and you do not know his standards, do not go overboard acting like that! It is too soon and too premature. Be polite, err on the reserved side, and remain classy.
~ Injecting sexual content into conversation
Are you looking for a one night stand? If not, then stop acting like you are. Men have a fine tuned radar for such things – the minute you introduce this kind of content into your flirting chat, there will be no turning back. He will pick up on it, elaborate, and may come up with some juicy ideas.
Talking about sex this early will send him a signal of what kind of a woman you are. If you are looking for a mate and would like to come across as ‘weddable’, then do not act ‘beddable’ by talking about sex. If he is the one who brings up the subject, then take it as a sign that he is not serious.
~ Talking about the future
Think about a feeling you have during a property showing when some pushy real estate agent talks and acts like you have agreed to buy the property already. The agent is so into himself and so eager to make the sale, that he forgot about you and your own needs. ‘Hey, wait a minute’ – you scream – ‘did you bother to ask if I like this property in the first place? How about me?‘ It is like someone has made a decision for you already without consulting with you first, totally disregarding your needs, wishes, and personal desires.
Flirting with a man and talking about the future will make you come across as that self-absorbed real estate agent. Doing so will make him feel like you have decided everything for him already.
It will also look like you have this empty slot to fill, and no matter who the candidate is (read: I am not selective), as soon as it gets filled you will become content. Would you prefer someone to date you because of YOU or because they are lonely and looking to fill an empty slot of a girlfriend?
So, talking about the future may make you feel good and feel innocent, but this is not how you will be coming across. Flirting is just that – a playful, easy-breezy flirting, you do not want to turn it into mud by evoking a suffocating sense of a trap by talking about the future.
~ Coming on too strong
‘Coming on too strong’ is a polite version of ‘you are creeping me out’ or ‘you are smothering me’. I understand you could be having strong feelings for a man, but dumping them all on him will not produce the result you are desiring. Feeling strongly about someone (and acting upon it) does not mean they will feel, and therefore act exactly the same.
Pouring all your feelings and desires onto him, without the regard of how he feels, is like traveling on a one-way dead end street. If you travel this route, you will be destined to finish alone. You will end up alone because the route, you are looking to travel, will be too intense for him to join. To relieve the sense of discomfort he will have no choice but to opt out.
~ Making premature assumptions
Do not assume that if he is flirting with you today he will do so tomorrow and more importantly, do not assume that his flirting means ‘I want to be in a relationship with you’. You cannot assume anything because you do not know who he is! He could be a habitual flirt and a serial dater, and what he did today with you, he may do the same with another woman tomorrow! Do not make the mistake of thinking that his flirting means serious intentions, and do not take his flirting as a sign of a budding relationship or a beginning of something meaningful.
It is easy to dream and fantasize about such things when someone gives you attention, but unless a decent amount of time has passed, you cannot neither assume nor expect anything from his flirting. Just stay cool and keep the flirting dance going, eventually you will see in what direction it goes.
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