He Has a Past. The Baggage Carousel Keeps Moving

A grown man is allowed to have a past. In fact, it would be rather peculiar if he arrived at forty-five with no previous relationships, no romantic history, and absolutely nothing to report.

Good heavens. Where has he been?

Still, there is a difference between knowing that a man has lived and discovering what, exactly, he has been doing with all that living.

Welcome to the baggage carousel, where his past is beginning to arrive and imagination has already positioned itself beside the conveyor belt.

The Luggage Is Beginning to Arrive

The first suitcase looks perfectly ordinary. The second is a little more interesting. And then something comes around that makes you wonder whether you have accidentally booked yourself onto the same trip.

A former marriage, a long relationship, a breakup that took a while to get over. Fine. A man has had a life, and nobody expected him to spend his entire adulthood waiting for your grand entrance.

Then a suitcase arrives marked “I once cheated.”

Ah. That one may be worth opening.

Another contains a breakup he handled rather badly, while a third holds a story about an ex who apparently expected far too much of him. The expectations, as far as anyone can tell, included answering questions and occasionally doing what he said he would do.

What can we say? The carousel is becoming quite informative.

And then imagination, which has been standing nearby with a perfectly innocent expression, begins packing for a future that has not happened.

Will he do the same thing to you what he did to her? Will he disappear when things become difficult? Will he eventually announce that he has never been very good at relationships, as though this were a charming family trait?

Before long, one old mistake could become a possible prediction, the prediction could become a whole relationship, and you are mentally returning from a holiday that has not even been booked.

Good heavens. We have barely collected the luggage and imagination has already arranged the return journey.

This Suitcase Looks Rather Familiar

The most interesting baggage is not always the heaviest. Sometimes it is the one that keeps appearing in different relationship stories.

One ex was too demanding. Another did not understand him. A third apparently wanted him to communicate, which sounds exhausting when you put it like that.

Perhaps he has genuinely been unlucky, but after a while the familiar details begin to stand out: he became distant whenever things grew serious, avoided difficult conversations, or found that every woman eventually wanted more than he was prepared to give.

Hmm.

Here comes the suitcase again, now spotting another former partner’s name on the tag. Different woman, different relationship, and apparently the same old habits have been packed with extraordinary care.

The destinations change, but the luggage appears to know the route. It has been accompanying him faithfully while he keeps wondering why every holiday ends in much the same way.

And now that you are dating him, you cannot help wondering whether that suitcase is expecting to travel with you too.

Good heavens. You have not even booked the holiday, and his baggage is already looking for a fresh tag.

Has Anyone Actually Unpacked It?

Two men can have remarkably similar histories and arrive at very different places.

One can look at an old mistake and say, in effect, “Yes, that was mine.” He understands what he did, what it cost, and what he would do differently now. Perhaps he has even discovered that a difficult conversation is considerably less exhausting than spending six months avoiding one.

The suitcase has been opened. Some of the contents have been sorted through, and a few things are no longer coming along.

Another man may have a fresh explanation for everything. The timing was unfortunate, his ex did not understand him, and anyway, he is a completely different person now.

Wonderful. What has changed?

Well, he is dating someone new.

The suitcase has a fresh tag, a new destination, and apparently no reason whatsoever to suspect that its contents might be worth examining.

It is a very nice tag, though.

The Next Flight Is Boarding

Somewhere, a gentleman is checking the same old suitcase onto another flight, explaining that this time the destination is completely different.

By now, the suitcase has earned enough miles for an upgrade.

Apparently, nobody has thought to unpack it.