Be done with your dead-end relationship!

There is something about these dead-end relationships: although we may suspect we could be in one, somehow we still want to believe that we are not.

Even if we are 99% positive it will not reach its logical destination, what keeps us staying is the 1% of hope that ‘one day, somehow, something will change’.

Are you stuck in this ‘something will change’ dream? How about these annoying thoughts you have been having for the last 12 months (or perhaps even years): ‘If I wait just a little bit longer he will finally come to his senses’, ‘ Should I please him harder to make him realize what a great woman I am?’, ‘ If he is still with me, after all these years, then perhaps I do mean something to him’?

Meanwhile he keeps coming in and out of your life when he pleases, sabotages your dating life pretending to be your committed boyfriend on occasion, and feeds you with vague promises entangled with creative excuses as to why things are the way they are.

And because of that 1% hope, that you are holding on to so tightly, you stay and keep waiting.

Ladies, let me ask you this – how much smaller does the hope need to be for you to finally work up the courage and pull that plug? 0.5%? 0.0001%? The tiny 1% figure you are currently holding on to equals to him saying: “Look, I know we are (kind of) in a relationship right now, but I am giving it a 1 % chance of working out”

He has already given you AND the relationship everything he is capable of giving, and although it may not be pretty, I would still like to say the following: do not try to squeeze anything out of a dead horse, all that will come out of it will be manure.

Your dead-end relationship is indeed, a dead horse you are trying so hard to beat to make it work. And the manure part? These are all your negative, unhappy emotions you have been having all these months or perhaps even years. This is quite a stinky relationship to be in, wouldn’t you agree??

Enough is enough. It is time to walk out and shut the door behind you. Just make sure to keep it shut tightly, otherwise something stinky may attempt to sneak through its crack.

Shutting the door means No Contact: no texting, no emailing, no keeping tabs on each other on Facebook, driving by his home or his office, no ‘happy birthday’ messages, no checking up with his friends, no drunk dialing, no breakup sex, and no more ‘final talks about giving him ONE MORE last chance’.

Resorting to any of these will make you feel worse AND it will not magically change the status of your dead-end relationship. You are dealing with a dead horse, remember?

Shutting the door also means that you are done with having a relationship on such terms. He knew about your needs, wants, and feelings; he knew your expectations and he was aware of your being unhappy over none of them being met.

He was also aware of a free ride he was having with you, and unlike you – who was hoping for the ‘things to change’ – he was hoping nothing would change and so the ride would continue indefinitely.

His running back to you after breaking up will mean exactly this – a desperate attempt to get you back on the terms that were making YOU FEEL MISERABLE. Many people have issues with being strong when their ex contacts them, but it is not about being strong. It is about reminding yourself of the relationship you were in and the misery it gave you.

Sure you will miss your ex, but would you rather go through the temporary pain of grieving the loss of an unsatisfactory relationship or stay in constant pain by being in it?

Shutting the door means turning the focus onto yourself and admitting that you were both looking for different things.

At this point you should fully realize that you cannot give him what he wants AND he cannot give you what you want. You are two different people with two different goals and two different agendas.

You both feel differently about the relationship, but please do not assume it will suddenly sink into his head the moment you leave. Up to the point of your leaving he had all the reasons to believe that you were OK with the ‘terms’ on which the relationship existed, so your current leaving will not be taken seriously until your actions and silence will show otherwise.

It may take some time to sink in for him to realize that you have changed and are a different woman now. Because of this, do not get all excited about his calling hoping he has changed and now you will have a future together; his calling will actually mean just the opposite – his believe that you have not changed and therefore there is a chance the relationship will continue.

You do not want to be in a relationship where all you do is obsess and fight over some crucial missing part which could be given to you FREELY by someone else. This is true, ladies, by holding on to a dead-end relationship we are missing out on opportunity to be happy with someone else. Crumbs and left-overs are not worth holding on to, there could be a big pie around the corner, waiting for you to enjoy…

P. S. If you feel like you need to talk to someone because your situation is too unique and most of the stuff you read on the internet is too generic and not helpful, then I would personally like to recommend you this super affordable online counseling service.