Feeling insecure in a good relationship

Feeling insecure in a good relationship is something that every woman has experienced before. You could be totally happy in your relationship and still have these periodically appearing toxic insecurities.

When your man gives you attention you feel loved, happy, and secure. When he gets busy with something and ignores you for a while (even if it is just for several hours), it triggers anxieties and insecurities. This is such a horrible state to be in!

The reason you feel this way is because you're living in your own box and super-hyper-focused on just HIM - YOU - YOUR RELATIONSHIP. Stepping out of this box and getting some perspective should bring a tremendous and immediate relief.
You see, perception is not always realistic. What does it mean? – you ask. It means what it says – your perception of a situation (or a person) is not always a reality. It also means that your anxieties and insecurities could be based on your false interpretation of something or someone. Wouldn’t it be ridiculous to obsess over something that is NOT THERE? It seems like a huge waste of mental and emotional energy, doesn’t it?

Him being distant can have a million reasons, and usually they have nothing to do with you or your relationship. Here is a helpful hint: if you have been in the relationship for a while and have observed this behavior before, take it as a reassuring sign that he has his moments and once he is over with whatever he is busy with he will be back again. Just like he always has!!

Your imagining something that is not there AND getting all upset and insecure about it is not a healthy way of living. It is a waste of energy, and you should not be draining yourself like this.

HELPFUL READING - BOOK: (UK- click here) Insecure in Love: How Anxious Attachment Can Make You Feel Jealous, Needy, and Worried and What You Can Do About It

Listed below are insights on him being distant. Getting perspective on the issue should make you feel much better.

~ He needs his 'ME time'

This is very common among men. They enjoy the romance but they need their 'ME time'' to enjoy other activities or just being alone. If you bug him during this time it may reduce his attraction towards you.

I know it is not fair, you want to be close and all he wants is to pull away. This is very painful, but it is a necessary evil, unfortunately. You cannot change it, but you need to know that this phenomenon exists.

There is nothing you can do about it other than engaging in your own hobbies or activities you truly enjoy. Just get busy with what you love to do and he will be back. This is why every relationship book on the market keeps telling you the same thing over and over again – do not lose yourself in a relationship, maintain your friendships and hobbies, and do not make him the center of your life.

~ His need for closeness vs. personal space

This is especially true for introverts. If you are an introvert, you probably already know how draining constant talking and communication can be. After a while, you just need some space to regain your mental and emotional balance.

If your man is an introvert, he WILL need his space. It is not like he is trying to pull away from YOU, he is pulling away from EVERYBODY. A wise thing to do here is to not take his pulling away personally. As you have probably figured out by now, if you give them (men) what they need, they will always be coming back.

~ His focus is somewhere else

Males’ brains are like TVs – one channel at a time! Once he is focused on something important he cannot switch the channel until he is finished with whatever he is busy with. Once he is done he will switch the channel back on to your relationship. Or something else. Do not feel angry about it, ladies. It is a proven scientific fact that male’s and female’s brains are wired differently.

~ He feels stressed, ill, or has issues with his family

Remember when you were not feeling well and did not feel like talking to anyone? Stress or illness can really affect our mood and desires. If he is not well, he does not feel like he could be his best with you, and therefore he retreats until he feels better. Of course he has NO IDEA how his retreat comes across and how much it hurts you. Unfortunately, asking to be more considerate next time is the same as him asking you not be so sensitive next time. It does not work this way. Simply accept that your man cannot be emotionally available 100% of the time. This is true for every relationship.

P. S. If you feel like you need to talk to someone because your situation is too unique and most of the stuff you read on the internet is too generic and not helpful, then I would personally like to recommend you this super affordable online counseling service.