Will he be back?
‘We broke up 9 months ago and I have not heard from him since then, will he contact me?’, ‘Since the breakup took place, we have not talked to each other for weeks, will he be back?’
Have you EVER had such thoughts after breaking up with someone?
As the time passes by and our breakup moves further and further into the past we may catch ourselves thinking ‘How in the world could they forget me like this? Didn’t I mean something to them? Don’t they care how I am doing and what is happening in my life?’
We dwell on that past and as a result experience uncomfortable emotions AS IF the breakup took place just now. We still want to feel important, we still want to feel needed and wanted, and we want it all. And even though we were deprived and there was no hope for the things to improve back then, we‘re still craving for that tiny proof of love… the love they never bothered to give us while IN the relationship.
So what are you expecting from them now? To give you love that was not there? To give respect and understanding that did not exist? Why do you want them ‘to contact’ you and for what? Are you that desperate to chase after damaged goods? Can’t you find something better?
They WILL contact you eventually (quite often they usually do) but honestly speaking, you shouldn’t be fixated on this. It is like waiting for
a ‘perfect’ storm or a ‘perfect’ tornado. Those things are never perfect. They are damaging, devastating, and very destructive. Just like the breakup in itself was not enough, are you looking now for a part #2? Are you really ready for it? Are you willing to give them the chance to reject you AGAIN? Because believe me they WILL.
They will be back because this is what most players, cheaters, womanizers, emotionally unavailable, commitment phobics, and the arrogant with the ‘grass is greener’ attitude people usually do. Nice guys do not mess with your head, it is the broken ones who do (and make you feel like you are broken too).
~ They will be back if you were all over them and made them believe they were the King (aka more important than you).
~ They will be back if you played a doormat. We don’t feel attraction to doormats until they become something else. If you were a doormat and then had suddenly turned into something (someone?) else they will contact you.
~ They will call if you stop chasing after them. A sufficient amount of time needs to pass for them to 1) notice you are gone 2) realize you could be gone for good. This will catch them off guard and ignite fire under their *ss.
~ They believe that you ‘would always be there’. In this case they will keep coming back (and leaving) periodically to ensure validity of such a belief.
~ They will CERTAINLY be back if you were in a friends-with-benefits situation. They think that once they had you, you became their property and therefore they have exclusive access to your private parts. No, you are not their property and they do not own you.
~ They will call if you were treating them nice, were friendly, and enthusiastic. But if you were nothing than that, then they may hesitate to call.
~ Their calling you back will also depend on their level of des-peration. If they are alone or had a fight with a girlfriend they may call YOU to feel better. (You are not their counselor. Period.)
I know you miss them and want them to call, but ask yourself this question: if they were to call what would you expect to happen? A passionate reunion? Happily ever after?
There is no point of their calling you back because their being back in your life – even if briefly – will bring nothing but frustration and pain. You DO NOT want them to call you back. You have already tried ‘to make things work’, you have already dreamt of ‘happily ever after’... and it just did not happen. You have already tried to talk to them, to reason with them, to show how much you were hurt and misunderstood. You have TRIED to keep the relationship alive and it still failed. What ELSE do you expect might or should happen for the things to be different this time?
Considering all the wrong reasons for their calling you back, it is quite obvious that nothing will change and it is not going to be different this time either. Actually, this time around it may get even worse. They already know you are there and so they won’t be on their toes. It will turn into ‘meh’ pretty quickly except that this time you lose your precious time on a murky offer that was doomed to fail from the start.
Murky people ---> murky intentions --> murky behavior ---> murky outcome.
You knew it, you should have known it, and now you know it. Do not take their calls and do not take them back!
YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: Articles - The call from your ex, Breakup boundaries, Do not be friends with the ex who treated you poorly or if you are looking for encouragement you will LOVE my eBook - When you are DESPERATE FOR HIS LOVE how to leave your bad relationship without feeling like you are going against yourself.