When you finally kick him to the curb!
When you, no matter how patient a person you are, decide to finally kick your man to the curb, it says one and one thing only - you have finally had enough. And only you and you only know how much you had to take and to go through to finally reach this point. At this point, you do not even expect him to understand your frustrations and disappointments, all you want
is to put this relationship behind you and start a new chapter in your life. This time - without him. You are confident you're making the right decision and you are ready to move on.
At this point you may want to realize that although you feel like you are sooo done with him, this is NOT HOW HE FEELS. It means that he may do or say things to sabotage your recovery and moving on process.
You see, when you dump someone, it is not like they are going to forget you BECAUSE YOU WANT THEM TO. They are a different person and if they were benefiting from a relationship with you, they are not going to give it up so easily.
After a breakup takes place, they may start doing things to make you 1) feel upset, 2) regret or doubt your decision, 3) feel guilty, 4) feel jealous, and many other unpleasant things you neither want nor are looking forward to experiencing.
Listed below are the most common behaviors your ex will resort to in order to sabotage your moving on process.
The minute he pulls out any of these, think of him as a predictable text book case individual, and just keep moving forward with your beautiful life. Eventually, it all will end on both ends, and your current breakup will become a part of a distant, insignificant past.
~ Right after the breakup he will immediately start dating someone new AND WILL MAKE SURE YOU KNOW ABOUT IT.
This is probably the strongest weapon he will hit you the hardest with - to show off his newly found happiness. Breakups take sometime to heal from (especially for those who were dumped), and dating someone new is just another recipe for a disaster to happen.
He is not dating her, he is using her to cope with pain and loneliness. One day, when she realizes that she means nothing to him, he will end up being dumped all over again! Rebound relationships do not work because of their original purpose - to forget someone else.
A dumped man is like a lonely, wounded, looking for a temporary shelter animal. And since he is not feeling well and does not have the luxury of being too picky at this time, he will say 'yes' to anyone who will provide him with such a shelter. Now, we both know that he is just looking for a shelter, but unfortunately, this is not how he will be perceived by the woman he dates. After several dates she may start thinking of him as 'potential boyfriend' material only to discover later that he is still 'not over his ex' and is emotionally unavailable
That is why ladies, as a reminder, you should always exercise caution when dating someone new - you have no idea who they are, what their agenda is, and more importantly - the status of their previous relationship(s). You should have zero expectations in the beginning until you are 100% positive that they are indeed available for a relationship and are looking for something serious.
He will surely make an effort to show off his new passion, and it will be done on purpose - to make you feel hurt, jealous, and sorry for dumping him. Try to ignore it and do not take his new romance too seriously. I say, let him be. That's just his own way of coping with the loss. Meanwhile, you need to keep focusing on you and you only. Try to stay strong and keep moving forward with your life.
~ He may resort to the No Contact rule.
Have you heard of this rule before? Here is the article explaining The No Contact rule in greater detail, but in essence what he will do after breaking up is - disappear.
If you are not tied up by property, children or other obligations, then the ground to execute such a tactic will be very fertile. This powerful tactic is supposed to make you doubt your own decision, and since he will be suddenly gone, to start missing him too.
This sudden move of his may catch you off guard and will put you off balance. After all, his disappearing on you was the last thing you expected to happen. But now, since you are reading this, you are going to be prepared - his vanishing act will not hit you like a ton of bricks.
After reading a lot of garbage on the internet about the No Contact rule he truly believes that after a certain period of silence you will come running back. Well, let me ask you this: if you are done with someone in your head and heart, would them not talking to you make you want them back??? I think it would be just the opposite - you would be relieved that they have finally left you alone, because this is what a true gentleman does when a lady asks him to leave her alone.
His suddenly not talking to you will make you feel uneasy. You may also have mixed feelings and thoughts: how come we talked constantly and suddenly we do not? Is he OK? How come he does not call and beg to come back? Has he moved on already, this quickly? I miss talking to him, did I make a mistake dumping him? Does he miss me?
Please remember that these are just very temporary instincts (article: How to break up with no regrets), and if you resist to act upon them, later on you will be glad you did. Stay strong and keep focusing on your future. This failed relationship is your past, and by moving forward we are not looking back, we are looking forward only.
~ He will make an attempt to contact you...to lure you back in.
After several days, weeks, or perhaps months of silence he will make an attempt to contact you. He had plenty of time to think and now he is shamelessly fishing for another chance. Another chance?? I call it a 'trap'. And you better be 100% vigilant not to fall into it!
You see, people do not change and although you may think or miss them sometimes, they are still the same monster you broke up with in the first place. He is still the same monster with unresolved issues, ongoing problems, and a wrong attitude. The trap you are about to fall into will be about his attempt to turn into an angel.
If you give into temptation, then after just about several weeks of eternal bliss, love, and a honeymoon-like period, things will turn for the worse. This ugly turn has a sign, and it screams ‘WELCOME BACK TO REALITY’!
You will be burned and crushed all over again, and the forgotten pain and frustration will return back into your life. After being together for just a short period of time you will realize - once again - that your relationship is still broken. You will be forced to break up with him AGAIN and to go through a painful withdrawal. You will have to go through detachment and a feeling of a loss, through the breakup pain and feeling down.
Since ‘forgetting’ a relationship takes time I would suggest to ignore his contacting you. Seeing his face and hearing his voice may make you nostalgic and sad, and since you are still weak and vulnerable, you may end up doing something you are not supposed to be doing.
Now, there is one big exception to this case. If he was a great guy overall and you broke up because he did not want to commit, then you may have a chance here. When talking to him, make sure to remind him of the reason you left. Let him know that you will meet /get back together only and only if he has become a ‘Man With A Plan’. Otherwise, what‘s the point? Same old same old – you do not have time for this anymore!
~ Contacting after a prolonged period of time.
If you were a good and loving girlfriend you may get contacted months or even years after the breakup. This time the reasons of his calling will be different. To stay strong long term you may want to get familiar with those reasons. Article - The call from your ex
~ He may do none of the above, but simply move on with his life.
This is very rare. It is rare for the reason that humans are drawn to the familiar and things (places, people) they feel attachment to. A feeling of an attachment does not disappear overnight, IT TAKES TIME TO WITHDRAW FROM A RELATIONSHIP. So, uncomfortable emotions associated with the breakup are expected and guaranteed.
There will be anger, sadness, depression, and RELAPSES i.e. attempts to go back to the familiar - the comfort zone - you and the relationship with you. As I have mentioned before, rapidly moving on from a relationship is very rare and only possible if he 1) relocates to a different part of the country, 2) lost all the possible feelings he used to have for you, 3) fell in love with someone else. Other less likely reasons: 5) illness & medications severely affecting his mood and well being, 6) some stressful and catastrophic, consuming all his mental and emotional energy event.
What does it all mean to you? His moving on so quickly will surely not leave you indifferent. The uncomfortable reality will reveal that you are not an item anymore and he is an individual who has a right to live his life the way he wants to. And so... DO YOU!
His rapid moving on may make him look more desirable in your eyes, and you may start doubting the decision you have made. Should one day this unpleasant moment unexpectedly hit you, let me remind you of something: you con-templated the breakup to make your own life better. From now on you are moving forward with your life. Stay focused on you, and think of all the future men you will meet. One of them will surely be The One! Next: enjoy my popular articles - Online dating - how to find a boyfriend and Post-breakup triggers and reminders
IF YOU NEED HELP TO STAY STRONG you will love my e-BOOK: When you are DESPERATE FOR HIS LOVE: how to leave your bad relationship without feeling like you are going against yourself