When you finally kick him to the curb!
When you, no matter how patient a person you are, decide to finally kick your man to the curb, it says one and one thing only - you have finally had enough! And only you and you only know how much you had to take and to go through to finally reach this point of having enough. At this point, you do not even expect him to understand your frustrations and disappointments,
all you want is to put this relationship behind you and start a new chapter in your life. This time - without him. You are confident you're making the right decision and ready to move on.
At this point you may want to realize that although you feel like you are sooo done with him, this is NOT HOW HE FEELS. And with this being said ladies, your moving on process may become a bit more complicated than you originally anticipated.
After reading this article you will be prepared for unexpected twists and turns your moving on process could possibly take, and you will learn how to be strong nevertheless.
You see, when you dump someone, it is not like they are going to forget you BECAUSE YOU WANT THEM TOO. They are a different person and if they were benefiting from a relationship with you, they are not going to give it up so easily. After you break up with them, there will be things they will start doing to make you 1) feel upset, 2) regret or doubt your decision, 3) feel guilty, 4) feel jealous, and perhaps many other unpleasant feelings you neither want nor are looking forward to experiencing.
Ladies, after finally kicking him to the curb you will need to remain strong. And you will be!
Listed below are the most common things your ex will do to sabotage your moving on process. The minute he pulls out any of these, think of him as a predictable text book case individual, and just keep moving forward with your beautiful life. Eventually it all will end on both ends, and your current breakup will become a part of a distant, insignificant past.
~ Right after the breakup he will immediately start dating someone new AND WILL MAKE SURE YOU KNOW ABOUT IT.
This is probably the strongest weapon he will hit you the hardest with - to show off his newly found happiness. Breakups take sometime to heal from (especially for those who were dumped), and dating someone new is just another recipe for a disaster to happen.
He is not dating her, he is using her to cope with pain and loneliness. One day, when she realizes that she means nothing to him, he will end up being dumped again! Rebound relationships do not work because of their original purpose - to forget someone else.
A dumped man is like a lonely, wounded, looking for a temporary shelter, animal. And since he is not feeling well and does not have the luxury of being too picky at this time, he will say 'yes' to anyone who will provide him with such a shelter. Now, we both know that he is just looking for a shelter, but unfortunately this is not how he will be perceived by the woman he dates! After several dates she may start thinking of him as 'potential boyfriend' material only to discover later that he is still 'not over his ex' and is 'emotionally unavailable'
That is why ladies, as a reminder, I always ask you to exercise caution when dating someone new - you have no idea who he is, what his agenda is, and more importantly the status of his previous relationship(s). In the beginning have zero expectations until you are 100% positive that he is indeed available for a relationship and is looking for something serious.
When he makes an effort to show off his new passion, I say ladies - just ignore it. You know now what it all means and honestly, him trying to make you jealous and behaving like this right after the breaking up, makes it all look even more pathetic. Let him be, that's just his own way of coping with the loss. Meanwhile, you need to keep focusing on you and you only. You are strong, and you need to keep moving forward.
~ He may resort to the No Contact rule.
Have you heard of this rule before? Here is the article explaining The No Contact rule in greater detail, but in essence what he will do after breaking up is - disappear.
If you are not tied up by property, children or other obligations, then the ground to execute such a tactic will be very fertile. This is another powerful tactic aimed to make you doubt your own decision, and since he will be suddenly gone, to also start missing him too.
This sudden move of his may catch you off guard and make you lose emotional balance because his vanishing act was the last thing you expected to happen. And now, since you are reading this, you are going to be prepared - his vanishing act will not hit you like a ton of bricks that fell on your head unexpectedly.
After reading a lot of garbage on the internet about this No Contact rule he truly believes now that after a certain period of silence you will come running back. Ladies, if you are done with him in your head and heart, would his not talking to you make you want him back??? I think it would be just the opposite - you would be relieved that he has finally left you alone, because this is what a true gentleman does when a lady asks him to leave her alone!
His suddenly not talking to you will make you a bit uneasy and it is OK. Also, your head may start buzzing with mixed feelings and thoughts: how come we talked constantly and suddenly we do not? Is he OK? How come he does not call and beg to come back? Has he moved on already, this quickly? I miss talking to him, did I make a mistake dumping him?
Ladies, this No Contact rule is aimed for you to evoke these kind of thoughts and feelings. Again, these are just very temporary instincts (article: How to break up with no regrets), and if you resist any impulse to act upon them, later on you will be glad you did. Stay strong and keep focusing on your future. This failed relationship is in the past and nothing but in the past, and by moving forward we are not looking back, we keep looking forward.
~ He will make an attempt to contact you...to lure you back in.
After several days, weeks, or perhaps months of silence he will make an attempt to contact you. You left him alone and he had some time to think about you and the relationship. I would like to warn you about the trap you may be tempted to fall into.
You see, ladies, people do not change and although you may think, or even miss him sometimes, he is still the same monster you broke up with in the first place. He is still the same monster with unresolved issues, ongoing problems and a wrong attitude. The trap you are about to fall into is that the monster, in order to get you back, will
make an attempt to become an angel - he will be on his the best behavior possible to lure you back in. If you give into temptation (aka the trap), after about several days or maybe weeks of eternal bliss, love, and a honeymoon-like period with your angel, things will make an ugly turn for the worst. This turn has a neon flash like sign on it screaming ‘WELCOME BACK TO REALITY!’
You will be burned and crushed all over again. All the pain, frustration over his behavior and the relationship will hit you like a ton of bricks, and the worst thing that is going to happen after this is your sobering realization, that the relationship is broken indeed, and you have to go over this uncomfortable breakup process all over AGAIN. You now have to go through detachment and a feeling of a loss, through the breakup pain and feeling down. Basically, ladies, giving him another chance did nothing but wasted your time.
Since ‘forgetting’ a relationship takes time I would suggest to ignore his contacting you. Seeing his face and hearing his voice may make you nostalgic and sad, and since you are still weak and vulnerable, you may end up doing something you are not supposed to be doing.
Now, there is one big exception to this case. If he was a great guy overall, and the only reason you broke up was due to his unwillingness to get married, then you may have a chance here. When talking to him, make sure to remind him of the reason you broke up – his unwillingness to commit – and therefore you will consider to meet only and only if he has become a ‘Man With A Plan’. Otherwise, ladies, what‘s the point of getting back together again? Same old same old – you do not have time for this anymore!
~ Contacting after a prolonged period of time.
If you were a good and loving girlfriend you may get contacted months or even years after the breakup. This time the reasons of his calling will be different. To stay strong long term you may want to get familiar with those reasons. Article - The call from your ex
~ He may do none of the above, and will just move on with his life.
This is very rare. It is rare for the reason that humans are drawn to the familiar and things (places, people) they feel attachment to. A feeling of an attachment does not disappear overnight, IT TAKES TIME TO WITHDRAW FROM A RELATIONSHIP. So, uncomfortable emotions associated with the breakup are expected and guaranteed.
There will be anger, sadness, depression, and RELAPSES i.e. attempts to go back to the familiar - the comfort zone (you and the relationship with him). As I have mentioned before, rapidly moving on from a relationship is very rare and only possible if he 1) relocates to a different part of the country, 2) lost all the possible feelings he used to have for you, 3) fell in love with someone else. Other less likely reasons: 5) illness & medications severely affecting his well being, 6) some stressful or catastrophic event consuming all his mental and emotional energy for a prolonged period of time.
What does it all mean to you? His moving on so quickly will surely not leave you indifferent. You will be going through an unpleasant period with the realization that you and him are not an item anymore, he is an individual who has a right to live his life the way he wants to, and SO DO YOU!
His rapid moving on may make him look more desirable in your eyes, and you may start doubting the decision you have made. Should one day this unpleasant moment unexpectedly hit you, let me remind you of something: you con-templated the breakup to make your own life better! From now on you are moving forward with your life. Stay focused on you, and think of all the future men you will meet. One of them will surely be The One! Next: enjoy my popular article - Online dating - how to find a boyfriend
YOU MAY ALSO LIKE MY eBOOK: When you are DESPERATE FOR HIS LOVE: how to leave your bad relationship without feeling like you are going against yourself or this e-Course Online Allure (how to attract quality men)