What to do when he breaks up with you
I think it would be safe to assume that currently you are in shock and hurting. You are in shock from what he did to you. You are in shock because you HAD NO IDEA IT WOULD HURT THIS MUCH. Even if your relationship was so-so and he was
treating you like dirt, it still hurts.
You see, breakups do not happen overnight. Breakups are a process. To you it was a sudden event, but to him – it was not.
During those last days-weeks-months, when you were together, he knew already that it was not working out for him. He knew that the breakup was just a matter of time and it was inevitable. To say it in other words – during those (last) times together he was broken up with you already. He was mentally out and he was emotionally gone. He checked out from your relationship way before the official breakup took place.
So now, since we've got it clear, here is something else to be aware of: there are two major reasons why people break up 1) the relationship ran its course i.e had reached its ‘expiration date’ and/or 2) there was something aggravatingly painful and painfully aggravating that lasted long enough to push the other party over the edge.
Can YOU tell which case was yours? I will give you a hint - it does not matter. What matters is that regardless of the reason – it is all FINAL in his head.
You see, when someone breaks up with us it means they see no hope. You may disagree with what they think or feel, but this is THEM breaking up with YOU we are talking about, not the vice versa.
So, back to the burning question of what you should do. Assuming you want him back, let me ask you this: take a critical look at the relationship with your ex. Was it really THAT good? Seriously? Putting your fears of being alone aside – is it the kind of a relationship you would like to be in FOR THE REST OF YOU LIFE?
Here are some more questions to answer:
~ If it was THAT good (in your opinion) then how come he ended up being on the opposite side of the hemisphere thinking it was terrible? What is it that he saw that you did not?
~ He failed to communicate his misgivings. He did it on purpose – he did not think you could meet his expectations or fulfill his unique requirements to continue with the relationship.
~ In case he did make an effort to speak up - did you do something about it? Did you make an effort to address those concerns? It looks like you did not and there was a legitimate reason for this (perhaps you were incompatible)
~ Are you in pain because HE is gone or because you lost a relationship?
~ Why would you want to be with someone who does not want to be with you?
Whether you like it or not, but not every relationship is destined to last forever, not every relationship is ‘The One’, and what you feel or want is not always what they feel or want. Maybe you were OK with the way things were between you two
(sometimes ‘vanilla’ or perhaps a lot of ‘meh’) but this is not what he wanted and not what he desired to continue with.
With this being said, the simplest and the most beautiful thing you can do when he breaks up with you is to do nothing.
~ When he breaks up with you all you need to do is nothing.
~ He does not want you and you have to respect his decision. He is not in a relationship with you anymore.
~ Please realize that he does not want what you want and he does not feel the way you feel.
~ Why chase after someone who does not want you? Why hold on to something that did not work out? Is it because you are resistant to change? Would you rather be stuck in an unhappy situation than to let it all go??
~ Running after him will make you look pathetic and terribly unattractive IN HIS EYES. Do not give him an opportunity to see it. Resist the urge to text, call or meet ‘by accident’.
~ Have some dignity and self-respect. Do not pester someone who made it clear they do not want your company.
~ Your chasing talking or convincing will not work. Even if you end up being together again it will be just a matter of time until the relationship crashes. You will end up feeling hurt and burned AGAIN. And perhaps suicidal too.
~ Chasing after someone who does not want you is a waste of time.
~ The nature of breakups is such that no matter how carefully we orchestrate the exit, the result is still the same – pain and a broken heart. It is never a pleasant experience. EVER!
~ Because he broke up with you it does not make him a bad guy. He just wants to live his life the way he wants it. SO SHOULD YOU!
You had relationships in the past and you will have plenty of them in the future. Breakups happen to everyone! Learn to dust yourself off and move on with your life. After all – it is YOU who are the boss of your own happiness. Not him, not others – just YOU!