The wedding that never happened
Have you ever had your man bail out on you right before your wedding? Weddings take a long time to plan and prepare, and so there is this large window of opportunity that remains open... should he want to escape. And one day he does just that - jumps through the window and runs away. Did you see it coming? There were probably some tiny yellow flags trying to warn
you of something, but you dismissed them all. You thought those warning signs were not severe enough to effect something as serious as your wedding. After all, you reasoned, every man has cold feet so, you thought it was not a big deal...
To tell you the truth, ladies, those tiny yellow flags were not just tiny flags, those flags were big red flags and they were representing just the tip of a huge iceberg. There was so much more going on in his head that you could not think of or even imagine! His twisted mind was like that dangerous, huge, hidden underwater iceberg you could not see fully, but it surely did its dirty work – crashed your wedding for good.
And then you had all the casualties and after effects to deal with – embarrassment, humiliation, money spent, and desperate attempts to explain to your family and friends what happened.
To tell you the truth ladies, there is no way to pre-dict something like this. After all, most men who escape from their own weddings do manage to get married eventually (to another woman).
Men escape from their own weddings for many different reasons, and listed below are the most common ones. One fact to understand here, is that his escaping IS NOT SOMETHING HE COMES UP WITH DOING OVERNIGHT. If he is an iceberg man, then you will never know what he is hiding and how much of it sits underwater. For some twisted reasons he does not feel like sharing or discussing his ongoing misgivings with you. You may think you know him all until one day, after that 180 degree turn of his, he reveals this new ugly side of himself you had no idea existed, and therefore were totally unprepared to deal with.
Here is why men escape from their own weddings:
If you have been dating your man for a while, then it is only a matter of time when parents and friends will start bugging you with the ‘when are you getting married?’ question. And if you are a woman who is NOT looking to date forever, then you will naturally start putting pressure on your man too. The man may start feeling like he has no choice but to get married, and so he succumbs to the pressure. He says the polite ‘yes’, buys you a ring, and this is when your relationship starts heading towards the cliff.
As your euphoria and a feeling of delight begin to grow, so does his sense of doom and being trapped as well. And then one day it happens – overwhelmed by pressure he runs, he runs like a caged animal who just escaped a trap. As he makes such a 180 degree turn expect the feelings, you were both experiencing, to get reversed as well: now his sense of doom got replaced with a sense of relief, liberation, and delight, meanwhile your feelings of euphoria, delight, and relief have turned into dreaded feelings of doom.
He is immature
If you happen to date a ‘momma’s boy’ who grew up with a controlling mother running his life, then there is not much you can do to change this man. He is immature now, and will be immature when he is 40. Although he may listen to her opinions and orders most of the time, there will be periods of his rebelling against her (or any other woman who tries to tell him what to do). Regardless of those temper tantrums, he is still the type of a man who is afraid of responsibility and not used to being in charge. DO NOT ASK HIM TO DO ANYTHING THAT REQUIRES THE STAMINA OF A MATURE GROWN MAN. He will break under pressure, and you will be the one (or his mom) to clean up the mess in the end. His running away from his own wedding is a perfect example of this.
He is a commitment phobic
He loves being with you as long as you do not represent a threat to his freedom. The minute he feels that threat (of his own wedding!) he runs away; he does not want to be committed to anything or anyone. One very distinct feature of commitment phobics is that they always keep coming back. Although being away from a woman relieves his anxiety of feeling trapped, eventually he starts feeling lonely, and so he bounces back into her life begging for forgiveness and another chance. If you take him back you will be destined to go through the same cycle – eventually he will start feeling trapped and will run again. The book (UK - click here) Men Who Can't Love: How to Recognize a Commitment Phobic Man Before He Breaks Your Heart [MEN WHO CANT LOVE] [Paperback] with over 200 pages does an incredible job explaining this internal roller - coaster like turmoil of such men AND confusion of women who are involved with them.
Your relationship has progressed with the speed of light
Things happen ladies, I get it. We all know couples who dated for 2 months and ended up being married for 50 years. It does happen to some couples, but it does not happen to all couples. If the decision to marry came fast and unexpectedly, then there is a huge chance that such a decision will be reversed with the speed of light as well.
As sobering realizations start taking place in his head, he may realize that marrying a virtual stranger may not be a good idea. His relatives, friends, and co-workers will surely alert him to slow down and not to do ‘something stupid he would regret for the rest of his life’. He will have nothing to say to justify his decision because deep down he will know they are right. Therefore, the wedding that was supposed to happen, never did.
What does it all mean to you? It means that you have wasted your precious time (unfortunately) on a man who did not want to marry you. If he wanted to marry you - then he would. If he wanted to talk about issues standing in the way of your getting married - then he would make an effort to discuss them with you. If he wanted you to be his and his only woman - he would make it happen, and if he was really caring about how you feel, he would never hurt and humiliate you by running away from the best thing all people in love around the world choose to forever cherish and remember – A Beautiful Wedding.