Feel better about your long distance relationship!
Let me say it as it is ladies – long distance relationships (LDRs) are not for everyone. The main and obvious reason LDRs are so hard is because of a constant physical separation. Unlike traditional relationships where you enjoy them on physical AND mental / emotional levels, the long distance ones are about the mental / emotional part only. For many people this one single
aspect (regardless of how amazing the other person is!) is a major deal breaker.
Another major difficulty many women face when in a long distance relationship is INSECURITY. Not knowing where he is, who he is with, and what he is doing may lead to having constant anxiety, paranoia, and depression. No one wants to constantly feel this way when in a relationship, right? Relationships are meant to enjoy them, not to feel miserable!
So, with this being said, IS THERE SOME WAY FOR YOU TO STILL FEEL GOOD (or at least better than you’re feeling right now) while being in a long distance relationship? Is there ANYTHING that could help you to cope with all of this??
The reason I have decided to write this article is to give you insight, overlooked by many people, into these incredibly unique relationships called ‘LDR’.
Here is the first important piece of information that is very good news for you to know: if you are currently in a long distance relationship and have been able to sustain it for quite some time, it means you are stronger than an average person. Please remember that LDRs are not for everybody, and many many people cannot sustain them. Your being able to do it, proves your uniqueness and makes you stand out from a crowd. You may or may not care to know, but being stronger than an average person is a very great trait to have – it will help you to overcome (and win!) other difficulties in life.
Some more good news: the only type of connections you currently have are via telephone, email, and sms. In other words, when you ‘meet’ over the phone the only thing you can do together is talking. Unlike in traditional relationships when being silent is OK in each other’s presence, you just cannot NOT COMMUNICATE while being on the phone with them. So, whether you are aware of it or not but being forced to talk to them every time you connect enables you to learn about them on much much deeper and private level. To take it one step further – it takes much longer for traditional couples to connect (and for many of them it never happens) on the level many couples in long distance relationships do!
What it means to you is that the man you are talking to is forced to open up. This is a big deal, ladies. Being able to talk to your man about everything, listening to him sharing his own feelings, fears, and other important things, creates an incredibly strong bond between you two. This sort of mental and emotional bonding is paramount for your relationship to work… and it will.
It will work out because if you talk about daily events, likes and dislikes, etc., it forces the both of you to be real and genuine with each other. It cannot be better than this! To make this whole thing look even more attractive, let me add that many traditional couples never reach this stage because … care to guess what it is that sabotages the whole ‘get to know you’ process between two people? Yep – it’s sex.
Once you start sleeping with them the sex will take priority over romantic walks
in a park and beautiful promenades under the moon, flirty text messages and sweet
little things being whispered into your ear.
Once regular sex is introduced into a relationship, the romance part gets pushed
into the furthest corner, or in other words, it is
never the same anymore!
Many traditional couples suffer from this ‘transition’ because they never bothered to cement their relationship with the ‘get to know you' part. Guess what? Your long distance relationship is nothing but an incredibly unique opportunity to get to know the person without much of the sex involved. Even if you do meet occasionally, the romantic part of your relationship will still remain.
At this point, let us go over the summary list I have put together for you. This list represents all the advantages your LDR has over a traditional relationship. Let’s see the beautiful truth for what it is!
~ your LDR is stronger because unlike with traditional relationships you had a great opportunity to bond on emotional and mental levels.
~ unlike with many traditional relationships where men ‘will not open up or share’ your man has no choice but to open up and share.
~ he finds you Special enough to dedicate his time to talk to you. He finds you Special enough to remember and think about you every day even though you are ‘not there’.
~ you know he loves you for who you are, in other words, you do not have paranoia about being an 'object' and being used for sex. A lot of women feel insecure about it, but since your frequent telephone dates are of a conversational nature only, you have zero doubts that you are being used for sex.
~ I especially like what French author of memoirs Francois de la Rouchefoucauld (1613-1680) said : “Absence di-minishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire”.
~ as per the quote above, after a while it gets really obvious that he has serious feelings for you. Unlike with traditional relationships when one has to question man’s feelings all the time, with long distance relationships it is clear – he is either crazy about you or the LDR would not stand a chance of continuing.
~ he spends money and takes his time to come to visit you. If a man does something like this it is 100% not about sex. Why would a man travel a 1000 miles to just sleep with someone? He could have easily found casual sex within a 5 mile radius of his residence. He travels this far for one and only one reason - to see YOU and to be with YOU. As a result, you feel Special and secure, you know now how he feels about you and the relationship with you. Let us admit that it is a very good feeling to have.
~ one day, when you decide to live together, your relationship has a higher chance of survival. There will still be some adjustments to go through, but the main one – your mental and emotional compatibility - got weathered out by a test of time already!
Just like with traditional relationships, long distance relationships have their own red flags as well. You do not want to build sand castles for months to only get them washed away by a wave of reality later. You want to make sure you have the REAL thing!
Good long distance relationships are hard enough but when it comes to bad ones – ‘I have zero time and zero desire’ should be your motto. Watch out for the red flags below and do your best to address them.
If, for whatever reasons, the other person refuses to cooperate, you will need to get out. You will need to get out because each and every red flag listed below is an indicator that your long distance relationship is not a real thing and therefore has no future.
Do not be duped by some dude living 2000 miles away who happens to have a pretty face and good flirting skills. Use your own head!
~ When you talk on webcam and all his sneaky eyes keep gazing at is your cleavage area and/or other parts of your body you do not feel comfortable him looking at. It gets even worse when all he can talk about is those particular body parts. So, basically instead of having a decent ‘get to know you’ conversation he is using you to satisfy his depleted porn watching needs. One big red flag here – you are nothing more than a sexual object! Time to hit the EJECT button.
~ He will not share anything about himself and /or will not ask anything about you. This guy likes it to be ‘easy-breezy’ and ‘uncomplicated’. He is surely not behaving like a person who is looking to be in a meaningful relationship. Try asking him questions about his life and see what his response is. I say, whatever his messed up head is full of, if you feel like you are constantly deprived of a normal and open conversation with an emotionally unavailable person, then what’s the point of continuing?? He has reasons to be like this and those reasons are out of your control.
~ When after 1 year of talking he never made an effort to come and see you. If a man does not want to spend time with you in person it means that this relationship has no future. Do not even think about visiting him!
~ If there is an evidence of someone else. Let me rephrase it – that someone else is not her, it is actually YOU. He has her as a main woman (locally) and you are his woman on the side. He calls you to chat and perhaps to massage his ego, too. A quick sneak peek at his Facebook profile could tell you a lot. Women like snooping through guy’s phones and sometimes they even like sending messages to their ‘other women’. This stuff happens, ladies, and I suggest to never disregard those messages. As a matter of fact, one of those nasty messages could be from his wife!
~ When he disappears for prolonged periods of time WITHOUT telling you in advance that he will be gone. Seriously, should I even try to elaborate on this one? If in doubt of his intentions, simply ask yourself this question – does this man behave like my boyfriend? It is a very easy ‘no’ here and therefore you should have zero regrets dumping his sorry ass. You have your own life and needs, you cannot sit and wait by the phone waiting for him to call when he feels like it. What about you and your feelings? Does he care? Then why should YOU care about missing that damn call and making him upset about it? Just let him go and let him do this kind of crap to someone else.
~ When he displays anger, has addictions of some kind, is rude, and controlling. Long distance relationships are hard enough, but is it worth being in a LDR with this type of an individual? No, thanks.
At this point you should be clear on the kind of a relationship you are in and hopefully the one you're in right now is the REAL thing.
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