If you have been ghosted
If EVERYTHING was great and felt great, then why would he suddenly disappear? Why would someone abandon something that seemed so good and wonderful? It does not make any logical sense!
Sure it does not make any logical sense because there was no logic involved. His disappearing act was NOT based on
rational thinking and logic, it was based on feelings. And when someone makes emotional decisions they tend to act irrational and in a manner that is hard to explain or comprehend.
His ghosting on you makes no sense because he failed to communicate NEGATIVE feelings he was having all along. Basically you were dating a crying, sad clown with a mask of a smiling, happy face. You thought everything was great because you were looking at the mask and did not see the real man behind it.
Now, do not blame yourself for failing to see the real him. It was not your job to play all kinds of guessing games, trying to figure out ‘what he was thinking’. And even if you were to ask him directly about it – he would not give you the answers. He would not tell you anything because he was afraid.
With this being said, let’s talk about dating a man who is AFRAID.
There is one distinctive feature of this type of a man – whether you are dating or in a relationship – you will NEVER hear him say anything negative. When
you are with this type of a man everything seems perfect: he seems to be totally happy to see you, he seems to agree with everything you say, he seems to have the same interests and the same opinions you do, and it seems like you are a perfect match. He also seems to be content with whatever you've got to offer, whether it is a place to eat or some other place to go out. Of course it feels perfect… for you. But have you noticed how many ‘seems’ were used to describe this type of dating relationship? It's because it is not perfect, it only seems to be perfect!
So, the minute you started dating the man who ghosted on you, two absolutely opposite dynamics started developing. To you – the experience was of increasing joy, satisfaction, and contentment with the relationship, and to him – it was the experience of increasing dissatisfaction due to the accumulation of negative feelings he was so afraid to share. Those negative feelings of his were nothing but a collection of some minor unsatisfying moments, something you said or did not say, something you did or did not do, or even of something that was simply out of your control. You had no way of knowing it because again, he was not going to and would not share his true thoughts and feelings with you.
If you think about it, relationships don’t stop for no reason. Regardless of the reasons for a breakup, both people normally tend to fight, quarrel, break up and make up, speak up, and say hurtful things to each other. After a breakup finally happens, both parties at least know what happened and the reasons for the breakup. But what happens to the relationships with men who are afraid? That’s right! You will never know the reasons for the breakup!
You will never know because up to the very last minute he was trying very hard to pretend like everything was OK. He was living in his full of emotional conflict head and never bothered to let you in. He did not feel like you were worthy of visiting that intimate place of his because he did not want you to see the real, true him. That’s because he was so insecure that he preferred to put a happy, smiley mask on and go along with everything rather than telling you what was wrong. He would keep saying ‘everything is great’ up to the very last minute only to ghost on you the next. This is because he already knew it was not working out for him, but in his insensitive and selfish mind, he thought you did not deserve to know.
He did not want confrontation, he did not want to be responsible for what he did (he built expectations, didn’t he?), he did not want to answer any of your questions because doing so would mean taking off the mask and becoming REAL WITH YOU. In case you have not figured it by now – he was a fake with you from the start. You thought it was something real and meaningful until… he ghosted on you. This is your clue to knowing that you dated a clown with a fake smiley face, fake words, and fake emotions. It was a fake relationship!
If you feel like he emotionally betrayed you then you are right – he has a problem and you became a victim of that problem. The good news is that he is gone.