If you feel discouraged and hopeless
After multiple failed relationships, bad experiences, painful heartbreaks and disappointments, how do you find courage and a will to keep moving forward nevertheless? Where do you find encouragement to keep going, and where do you find hope to believe, that you are not the most unlucky person in the world, and there is still someone special out there for you? Should you
give up or keep trying? There are certainly many reasons why relationships fail, but the main one boils down to this - your compatibility with a man.
Resolution of this problem is very fixable and more importantly, in order to fix the issue you will not have to 'change' yourself or do something that is out of your character. It is actually not about YOU per se, it is about your DOING SOMETHING WRONG.
This article will open your eyes on what it is exactly that you are doing wrong, and more importantly, will teach
you how to take control over your destiny and stop feeling the way you feel. No more sad feeling ladies.
Lets start with a silly example related to a simple task all ladies love - shopping: let's say you need something (anything!) and you take a trip to a store. If this something is a dress or a wardrobe you surely will proceed to items in section of your size ONLY. You scan through shelves and target only items of your size, you try them on and if something fits and you like the item you proceed with the purchase. You are not looking to try other sizes on because you already know they are wrong ones for you and will not fit the way you want them to.
What is good about shopping overall is that it gives very good and positive emotions and the thought that one day you could be burned out on it makes absolutely no sense to you.
So, how can all this be related to dating? One major reason you never feel hopeless, upset, or heartbroken with shopping (versus dating) is that when it comes to shopping YOU KNOW ALREADY WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR or in other words YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT and more importantly YOU KNOW HOW TO FIND IT.
You know your size, you know what colors you love, you know also what the current fashion is and styles that fit you the best or styles that you would rather avoid. You also know what brands you cannot stand, colors that make you look either too pale or washed out and the ones that make you look 'fresher and younger', you are aware of styles that are not terribly flattering to your figure and you know also (based on your experience) which fabric is soft and comfortable and which will be itchy and uncomfortable to wear... Are you surprised how much you know about shopping??
All of the above knowledge surely makes shopping a delightful breeze... unlike dating. Regardless that, men are not like a dress or shoes you could try on and in less than a minute decide 'meh, not my cup of tea' ...or 'wow, I love it!', there is still a way to date that will produce desirable results FOR YOU in the shortest period possible without too much time wasted. More importantly, if you transfer your smart shopping skills into dating you may actually end up finding what you are looking for!
The first thing to understand, that the reason you feel discouraged and hopeless is a result of you being stuck in a pattern, it is probably on very unconscious level, but admitting to the fact that you are doing something wrong is a first step to breaking the pattern.
Wrong decisions yield wrong results, correct and smart decisions yield positive and desirable results. So, if you are feeling terribly hopeless and discouraged (and lonely too), lets us admit that there is something in YOUR behavior, thoughts, making decisions or belief process that stops you from finding what you want.
It is all right! No one is going to judge you here. You are not alone feeling this way, and there are many many other ladies feeling this way too.
At this point I would like to mention SIDE EFFECTS OF RANDOM OR AIMLESS SHOPPING: all the items you bought randomly, without a thought, on a whim or just because you felt like it at that particular moment probably ended up never worn, worn only once, or somewhere deep in your closet you wish your eyes never saw.
That's when you go through your closet in a spring, when you stumble upon that item you start admitting 'What was I thinking buying something LIKE THIS?' or 'Where my eyes were?'
Ladies, attention here: these are exactly the same words women say after breaking up with yet another jerk. 'What I was thinking?' or 'Where my eyes were?', 'How come I could not see him for who he was from the start?'
Now, you know why it happened - you got involved with a man (aka bought a dress), that was wrong for you (wrong dress size or ill-fitted), you had no idea who he was (unknown brand), nevertheless you invested your heart and emotions into the relationship (aka spent money on the dress), and because of such unwise decisions you ended up with a broken heart (aka less money in your wallet) and another failed relationship on your belt (aka a piece of junk in your closet you do not want to wear and wish you NEVER BOUGHT IN THE FIRST PLACE).
So, to take it one step further I would like to make a statement that so far, due to all the failures with men and relationships you have been behaving like an 'aimless, random, on a whim' shopper. You have been wasting your time on junky relationships that were destined to fail from the start.
Think of all the junk in your closet you wish you never bought (aka failed relationships with wrong men for you), think of all the money you spent on it (aka time and emotions), and one good quality long lasting item you could buy instead (aka a happy long term relationship with a great man).
So, where do we go from here and what should we do to get the results we want?
The very first step I would recommend to ANYONE regardless of what they are looking for in a man and what type of relationship they want to have is to make sure that you are COMPATIBLE. To get along you need to be compatible on a physiological level. If it sounds too scientific or complicated to you - let me reassure you that it is not! Once you know your own type you will know what types of men (and people in general) are compatible with you.
So with this being said you could either take a 10 min free test here https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test or read about it in my highly recommended article Personality types - brief MBTI overview
The next step is, once you know your type, you can easily identify the types that are compatible with you. There is plenty of information on the web about it.
Once you know who you are and what types of men are compatible with you, identify (if any) your personal deal breakers: Is him having children from a previous marriage OK with you? Are you willing to relocate? Do you want to have (more) children?... What are your deal breakers? See, these are things that every man will have regardless of his personality type, so in order for a relationship to work for YOU, you also need to think of and know what your deal breakers are.
From this point you may want get familiar with the article that will teach you how to identify his type in a very short period of time - Get to know him in just several dates! Once you are in the process do not even think of having some sort of future plans with him, thinking of him as your boyfriend, or hoping he will propose after 6 months. You are in the process of identifying his type (aka trying a dress on in a fitting room), you are not committing to a relationship (aka not buying the dress YET) until you are positive that you are compatible (aka the dress fits the way you want it to), and you love the way he treats you (aka you love the way the dress fits). If all of the above fall into place, you will make a right purchase (aka get involved with a compatible man), and the item will not end up in the closet you wish you never bought in the first place (aka the relationship will last for a long time).
This above proposed way to identify the right man is the fastest and most reliable way to find a compatible partner for you. No need to spend months and months dating some one to discover annoying habits they might have, no need to move in together to find out how messy (or freakishly neat) they can be, no need to spend any of your valuable time on some one who will turn out to be living in a constant dreamland or having poor planning skills... or just the opposite - perhaps their structured mind will make you too stifled and angry?
RELATED READING - BOOK: (UK click here) Type Talk: The 16 Personality Types That Determine How We Live, Love, and Work
WE ARE WHAT WE ARE OR WHY YOU CANNOT CHANGE HIM - BOOK: (UK click here here) Please Understand Me: Character and Temperament Types
You will never know what your relationship will be like until you know who you are (your own type) AND who he is (his type).
Once you know both of these bits of information you can now move forward with discovering and learning from multiple sources on the web about what your relationship with him will be like. It is almost like looking into a crystal ball foretelling what to expect in the future with this TYPE of a man.
Whether it is a good, neutral or bad description - you will be making very conscious and smart choice deciding on whether to move forward with this man or to turn around and run away. You will know all the good and bad way ahead of time, and decide for yourself whether you can live with it or should move on to a more compatible prospect. YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: Article - If you feel sad about not having a boyfriend and this high quality e-Course Online Allure (how to attract quality men)